Today I'm proposing the theory that alcohol brings us college students back to the old days, back to childhood. Now you may be thinking, how is this possible? Or more likely, what the hell is he talking about? Well I'll tell you. When drinking, each college student goes through three stages in which they travel deeper and deeper back in time, simultaneously decreasing their mental age.

Stage One - Stupid High Schooler: In this stage, the person is drunk to the point in which they tend to forget what has just happened, as though it never happened. This is when you see that guy at the party who is so happy to see you EVERY TIME he sees you, this kid is like an alzheimer's patient on Christmas morning to you.

Stage two - Adolesence: The drunk ass then moves on to the adolesent stage. The person resembles an eight year old, always eager to learn, easily excited, and always hyper as shit. This is the guy you see that listens to you so intently even when being told the most retarded of stories, can't stop dancing or constantly starts screaming for no apparent reason to someone sober.

Stage Three - Less Than Toddler: The subject has traveled almost as far as he can go while still concious, and he is sloppy drunk. In this stage people can barely attempt the simplest task, such as walking. These people are around the age of 2 right now. These people use short words, even shorter sentences, and that's if they're still capable of doing it. Walking is nearly impossible, or it's as if they are just learning it all over again. Many times these people decide it's a good idea to puke all over themselves, leaving others to take care of them, similar to the role parents play in their infant's life.

Stage Four - Womb Child: There is a fourth unofficial stage to this process, that is the passed out stage. This resembles the unborn. The subject is so drunk, he passes out. During this time he loses all control of his bodily functions, and is only able to survive with the care of someone else. The subject has just entered the womb.

So the next time someone says, "Remember the good old days?", you can say, "Nah, lemme grab a beer."

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