Continued from last update...

Conversational Quoter.


Occasionally during an AIM conversation, somebody will say something so funny, so stupid, or so important, that you feel the world would be worse off if it didnt read it. thank godness for copy+paste! with the simple pressing of a few keys, you broadcast your message across the internet, enlightening aim-ers around the world. who knows what amazing things will result!

Unfortunately, this is the mindset of the conversational quoter. the truth is, nobody really gives a fuck. Sure, it could be really funny to you and your friend, but trust me when we say, it pretty much ends there. Since when did away messages become vessels for inside jokes? Oh yeah, when you crawled out of the primordial ooze and picked up a keyboard.

The List.


This is a recent epidemic that seems to be sweeping the fast-paced world of people with a lot of things to do during the day. Fortunately for us, writing them all down in your away message is one of those things! Break out the bubbly! The list is the hot new thing to do, because sometimes people really are busy, and may not be available for awhile. However, even with each busy schedule, there still is time to strikeout every item thats been accomplished. They might complain later about not having time to eat all day, but there's definitely time to come back to the room and update their away!

PDA 24/7.


The 24/7 PDA is related to the bi-polar lover because both styles involve a message to a significant other. short for "public display of affection", the 24/7 PDA is that little lovey-dovey message at the bottom of every. single. away. Whether it's "i luv u", or "miss you q.t.", everyone all thinks the same thing: shut the fuck up.

It's hard to understand why this footnote is necessary. Are you so insecure about your relationship that you must repeatedly assure your boyfriend or girlfriend of your feelings towards them? Hell, if that's the case, do what people did before the internet was created, and pick up a fucking phone and call them. That way, the only person who has to deal with your shit is your significant other. But that's why you two are together anyways.

Storytime.



If Hemingway were alive, he would be the only person allowed to use this away message. But last time we checked, he is really fucking dead. Unfortunately, this away isn't. We're not sure what's worse: the fact that someone writes a novel as an away message whenever something pointless happens ("but what if its not pointless?" you may ask. trust us, it's always pointless), or the fact that we always read it. Nothing raises the ol' blood pressure like realizing you just wasted 5 minutes reading about how ugly that guy was in the dining hall who tripped and spilled food all over the cute quarterback your friend slept with last week. If someone were to poll students about how much reading they do, the results would probably look like this:



Call The Cell.


Now before you jump down our throats, let us explain why this away is here. Putting "call the cell" in an away message is fine. However, there are things about it which allow it to make this site. Heres a short list of these things:

1. Wildly Inappropiate. Face it people, there are just some times when it is not ok to call someone's cell. In the shower, during quiet meditation, at a funeral. The same goes with putting it in an away: if you shouldn't be getting calls, then don't put it in the away. Seriously, some times it just looks so stupid when you're granting permission to call the cell as you're deep-sea diving or mining for gold in the california badlands.

2. Variations of the Phrase. Apparently the phrase "call the cell" just isn't cool enough anymore. Wild variations such as "cell it," "lemme hear it ring!", and "make that shit vibrate" are popular nowadays, which is great. It's like instead of using the phrase "Hi", it's now perfectly ok to say "Start talking to me now." Using any variation of "call the cell" is the equivilent of baking a cake, then shitting in it.

Begging for Sympathy.


Everybody has the occasionally bad day. Stress is building, your workload seems never-ending. Everybody has different ways of dealing with this. If you're the person who makes an away begging for people to feel sorry for you, then please wear a tin foil hat, so we know who to look for and beat the crap out of. Nothing screams "I'm a little kid, pepper me with compliments!" like a message seeking pity from others. Yeah, it sucks when you're having a bad day. But you don't see us crying for attention. Shut up and deal with it.

Sadly, this will never end. it will never grow old. Ss long as people use aim, there will be away messages. We mean not to offend, but away message awareness is important for everybody. Please, if you take anything away from this update, let it be this: people judge you by the caliber of your away messages. So be careful what you type. As you're checking someone's away message, someone else could be checking yours. So ask yourself: what kind of AIM-er are you?

On a more serious note, we've read about a student who died recently during a fraternity hazing activity. When he was clearly in need of help, the people he was with continued to write on him instead of getting help. Since we get a lot of drunken photos submitted here, we feel it's important to remind people to make sure they know the difference between "drunk enough to not care they're being messed with" and "might have alcohol poisoning." It's a pretty crucial distinction and it can save lives. So for more info on that, go here. Thanks.

Big ups to BetGameDay.com for sponsoring this update. Neil has a new column out called Sucess: A matter of mind over matter so check that. Now enjoy these hotlinks.