Can you believe it? It's already time for us to elect a new president. Who will it be? I, personally, couldn't care less. Out of the three candidates, I haven't found one that I actually like. Nader is just useless to vote for due to the fact that he's Nader, and the only cool thing about the guy is that his name rhymes with "Vader"�. Kerry doesn't even have a plan on how to fix the Iraq situation, and Bush has the same mentality of an eight year-old with ADD who just saw a pretty butterfly float by.

That's why I'm not going to vote. Sure I could sign up and easily go to the voting booth come election day, but I'd rather vote for some one I know I can believe in. Therefore, I am electing a big bowl of chili. Just think of the delicious opportunities. Let's say some type of UN leader comes to the White House to talk about how we need to change what we're doing in Iraq. I know for a fact that President Yummy J. Chilikins will just shoot a blank stare across the table, forcing the leader to get up and leave. Who will his Vice-President be? Why none other than Salty Saltine. Oh, how that winning combo will change this country!

It's not like I haven't tried to see which candidate I like most. Just a few days ago I made the following list to compare and contrast the men:

John Kerry

1. Runner-up in the "Mr.Ed Look-Alike Contest"�. Beaten by that kid in my History class (sorry kid, but try and cut back on all the oats).
2. After marrying Mrs. Heinz, became a close friend with Col. Mustard.
3. Won 15 Purple Hearts, a Plaid Heart, and a potato sack filled with Sea foam Green Hearts.
4. Makes a delicious blueberry babinka.
5. Will fight for the common man on all levels (unless he has to vote on the subject. Then he's on the "Screw Joe Blow "platform).
6. Didn't kill anyone Nam, he "Ended Men's Life Journeys"�.
7. His plan to solve the Middle-East crisis involves a lot of praying and an "Everything's Alright Parade"�.

George Bush

1. Plan for Middle-East: Step 1. Kill shit Step 2. Take shit Step 3. Kill some more shit Step 4. Surprise attack Canada.
2. Doesn't seem to realize that a "War on Terror"� might as well be a "War on Drugs"�.
3. Will change the Statue of Liberty to the rat from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, since "his work with the adolescent turtles will not go unnoticed by the people of the United States of America. In addition, he could totally kick that rhino's ass with just a stick."�
4. Revealed that the "No Child Left Behind"� campaign doesn't include the stupid ugly ones.
5. His nickname in college, for some reason, was "Oil Reaper"�.
6. Never fought in the war, but did battle with Montezuma's Revenge during Spring Break.
7. Doesn't have a Purple Heart, but did get a Gold Star in his work for "Draw your Family while staying in the Lines"�.

Ralph Nader

1. He... likes... food... and sometimes oxygen. Once in awhile he'll even need some shelter... maybe.

Maybe now you all can see that, in the long run, we're screwed. I'm not saying that if you actually like one of these guys not to vote. By all means, voice your opinion. Shout from the rooftops; throw it through a window via brick; spray paint your neighbors car; defecate into the 19th hole of a classy golf course. Do whatever you need to, but I"˜m still not going to vote. If you don't have a clue to vote for by now, save the country a lot of misery and don't. There's no shame in not voting. It's one of the many parts of Democracy.

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