Hi, God, it's me, Chas.

I noticed your suggestion box was pretty full, so I decided to make my own suggestions and questions-for-answering public on this site (I figured you'd happen upon this while checking out the daily Boobs-With-Seatbelt pictures). I know people suggest things for you a lot, but I figured I'd put in my two cents in case you ever got around to wish-granting or something. Here goes:

1. Please make smoking cheap and healthy again - Remember when everyone on Earth thought that smoking added character and was somehow good for you, and cigarettes cost like 23 cents per pack? Well, most of us would really like it if you could just make it that way again so we don't have to quit or die. We're willing to trade; we still don't like vegetables, so if you make broccoli unhealthy and expensive while making cigarettes very healthy and cheap, I think everyone would be pretty happy with that. Thanks!

2. Give girls some feature that makes it obvious that when they like a guy - You know, like how babboons' faces change colors and their asses swell up. Except don't make it that, that would be weird. How about when a girl looks at you and likes you, her boobs get bigger? Hey, it's only fair; we guys already have a feature like that. Thanks!

3. Keep alcohol exactly the way it is forever - We'd hate to read the newspaper headlines one day to find out that alcohol causes chlamydia or positive motivation or anything like that. We understand that it causes liver problems and stuff, but we can walk that off easily. We like it just as it is, please don't let it change. Thanks!

4. I think you should start a band, because all the wussy Christian rock bands are really not cutting it. I mean, look at all the black metal pagans; all the bands dedicated to the Norse gods kick major ass! I think it would be totally metal if you did a split 7"� with Odin. Maybe it's just me, but you know how well those Vikings can shred. If not that, at least hook up with Jah and put out some killer dub records, boyee. Thanks!

5. I've been going to Catholic schools my whole life, and let me tell you, man, those people are really living you down. They're actually trying to teach kids to abstain from sex until marriage - crazy, right? I know what you're thinking - "Man, how'd that slip in?"� I dunno! Maybe you should like, send them a memo or something. Or smite them, or however it is you deal with shit. Thanks!

6. I have always wondered this: Why did you make the click beetle so weird? Why didn't you just give it wings like all the other bugs? Why is it so complicated? It has to go through all that trouble with the lever and the G-Forces just so it can jump back into the tree when it falls out. Meanwhile, normal beetles are just like, "Oh, I fell out of the tree. I think I'll use my sweet ass wings to get back up on the branch. Hey, look, it's the click beetle. What a loser. Hey, click beetle, you're a loser!"� So, yeah"¦ please let me know.

7. My question in #6 has brought something else to mind: Please put something better on TV than Animal Planet. For Christ's sake. Or your sake. Or the Holy Spirit's sake, or however the hell that weird trinity thing works.

8. Make Mt. Everest smaller. It's so big!

OK, that's all I got for right now. I think those are some fairly modest proposals. So please consider them, and enjoy today's boobs-in-seatbelt pictures. Right on, G!