Warning"¦. This is a drunk update. Don't be surprised if I edit later on.
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I'm a shark. I go to Sharkford University.

Here at shark university, we can either commute from nearby reefs or board here. It's not quite an Anemone League School but at least I'll be able to get my Sharktorate in Frenzologoy.

I stay in a dorm here at Shark University. I was issued another fellow shark as a roommate, but during our third week here, he stumbled into the room with a cut from a nearby coral, so my floormates devoured him. Nowadays I have the room all to myself. I'm glad, too, because my roommate was a former reef-smoker, and the smell used to drive me into a frenzy"¦ literally.

Today I went to class, which was boring, as usual. It seems that every class is the same. The professor swims around in circles at the front of the classroom, repeating the same phrase over and over again: "Eat, eat, eat, eat, swim, swim, swim, eat, swim, DON'T FALL ASLEEP! Eat, swim, swim,"�

And of course, class is so boring that eventually my eyes begin to flutter and I almost start to fall asleep"¦ no"¦ must keep my eyes awake. Must swim. Sleep means death. Swim. Swim. Swim.

Here in the coral reefs, we like to party like it's No-Year-At-All-Because-Sharks-Don't-Have-A-Dating-System. I heard from a pelican that land-dwelling college kids drink something called "alcohol."� Tell me, is that somehow more potent than blood? Because I can't possibly comprehend that. We sharks can't get enough of blood. It fucks us up so bad"¦ that's when those pompous straightedge dolphins come messing with our turf. Humans, if there's anything you should know, it's that everything you see on the Discovery Channel about us is a lie. They always show you the Dolphins kicking our asses"¦ well, that's only because they wait until we're wasted to beat us up! You see, we sharks know how to party! Why, just the other day, my friend Terrence tried to do a Dead-Whale-stand, but he fell down and puked up a yard of intestine. That's how wasted he was!

... on BLOOD!

Then, he passed out. And died, because that's what happens to sharks when they pass out. They die, and we draw pelvic claspers on their faces. Sometimes, they even piss the areas below their dorsal fins, and we take embarrassing pictures of it and send them to www.sharkcollegehumor.com. Then we devour them.

But seriously.

Man, I love shark college. It's just, eat, sleep, swim in groups, eat, sleep, follow seafaring boats, wait until those boats dump their garbage then engage in a feeding frenzy, eat, sleep, then continue to follow the boat until Connor cuts himself on a coral, then feeding frenzy again, then fight over who gets his hotplate, then eat and sleep some more. I tell ya, life in shark college kicks ass.