There's so much to be thankful for in this wonderful world of ours. You could be thankful for this ultra-creative article topic. You could be thankful that you're reading this instead of finishing up that paper "that was totally due last week, dude."� You could be thankful the test came back negative. Anyway you look at it, this world is full of things to be thankful for and I am no different. Hell, I'm thankful for a lot of things, like"¦

*My Roommates. Whenever I let the dishes build up in the sink for weeks, I know they will do them and make some passive aggressive comment to me about it. Whenever I'm sad I know I can go to them and they will show me that their lives are so bad that I don't have anything to be sad about at all. Whenever I get lonely I know that they're no more than 1.2 feet away. And whenever I wonder what a guy doing a goat would look like, they'll gladly put a picture of that up as my computer background to show me.

*My Parents. Whenever I get a big head and a boastful mouth they'll remind me that nothing I do could ever be better than what my sister does. Whenever my bank account runs dry they'll remind me that normal kids "aren't spoiled little brats and work for their gosh-darn money, you little shit."� Whenever I call at night they'll remind me that "60 Minutes"� is on and Dan Rather is more important than whatever stupid crap I have to say is. And whenever I go home for a holiday they'll remind me that the yard needs to be raked and the house needs to be painted"¦at the same time.

*My Neighbors. Whenever I wonder if any of them have a handgun, they'll all shoot theirs in the air to remind me. Whenever I wonder if my car has anything of value in it, they'll smash the window and take the valuables out so I'll be more appreciative next time. Whenever I wonder if anyone else notices I'm white, they'll gladly remind me by saying, "Whatchoo lookin at, white boy? Huh? You wanna make somefin outta it?"� And whenever I wonder what extremely loud hip hop sounds like at 5 AM, they'll park their car in front of my house and let me listen.

*My Dog. Whenever I wonder if any animal could eat a dead raccoon, he'll show me how. Whenever I think about humping a pillow, he'll show me how. Whenever I dream about licking my privates, he'll let me know that it is as good as I imagine it to be. Whenever I wonder if anything could live in a cage that's half its size, he'll look out from behind the bars and answer my question without saying a word. And whenever I think that nothing in the world could possibly enjoy the smell of my ass, he'll prove me wrong.

*All of you. Whenever my writing teacher tells me I have no talent, some of you somehow think I do. Whenever I look at myself in the mirror and see a fat, pale loser, some of you still say I'm "fat"¦but cute"¦kinda."� Whenever I want to put off doing schoolwork, I can always write an article and use you to justify it. But mostly, I wanted to thank you for reading. It means a lot to me and I thought this would be a good time to thank you all for it. Happy Thanksgiving. And remember, don't try to have sex after you eat a lot of turkey because you'll fall asleep and embarrass yourself.