Drum role, please: the award for "Most Ludicrous-but-Totally-Awesome T.V. Exchange of The O.C. Season"� goes to...Sandy and Kirsten Cohen! Well done, guys"”competition on this episode was stiffer than Marissa's early-morning vodka tonic. (On a side note, does anyone not like Drunk Marissa? Anyone? Would there be any objections to her spending every onscreen moment in a blacked-out haze, throwing deck chairs into the swimming pool and calling her mom a whore between swigs from her trusty flask? We need to petition Josh Schwartz about making this happen.) Anyhow, if you missed the aforementioned exchange, here's a recap: Sandy gets call from Shady Lawyer Dude regarding the potential location of unknown entity "Rachel Bloom." Evidently, Sandy and Ms. Bloom were quite the Jewerific power couple back in the day, much to the chagrin of his WASPY Nordic wife, Kirsten. Which leads to the following:

Kirsten: Who's missing?
Sandy: Rebecca Bloom.
Kirsten: As in the love of your life?
Sandy: She's not the love of my life.
Kirsten: Sandy, you were engaged to be married.
Sandy: We were engaged to be engaged.
Kirsten (completely deadpan): Yeah, until she burned down a nuclear lab site.
Sandy (inquisitively): We don't know if she did that for sure.

Touché, Sandy. As for you, O.C. scribes, give yourselves a nice pat on the back: nothing gets a show back on track faster than a little touch of Chernobyl. Could that line have come further out of left field? I would have spit my drink out all over the floor in laughter if I was actually drinking something when I heard it.

Granted, this episode was more foreplay than actual penis-in-vagina. But foreplay has never been so fun! Or at least that's what I read in Cosmo. Let's tackle the non-Sandy/Kirsten plot lines one by one:

1) Caleb refusing to acknowledge his bastard daughter's existence: To be honest, I'm willing to cut the guy a break on this one. How else are you supposed to deal with an illegitimate kid other than to pretend it doesn't exist? I mean, depositing it in a back-alley dumpster is sooo Senior Prom.

2) Alex and Marissa as lesbiatrons-in-training: We learn early in the episode that the two budding love birds have been hanging out every day since, um, last week's episode. What a coincidence! But can they just fucking makeout already? I mean, simultaneous Interpol listening and gay (hehe) heart necklaces are all well and good, but unless this turns out to be Where the Boys Aren't #18, we're going to have one very anticlimactic consummation scene on our hands. An interesting question does come to mind, though: Who's the butch and who's the bitch? Hard to say at this juncture"”popular money is on Alex (riot grrrrrl), but Marissa certainly has her fair share of pent up anger. E-mail your thoughts (neel.shah@dartmouth.edu) and we'll publish the answers next week.

Which leaves us with:

3) Seth and Summer, potentially back in the saddle (or, to get all Latin on your ass, a return to the "quid pro quo."� That means "normal"� in case you're retarded.) However you slice it, this was inevitable. I mean, what self-respecting hipster Jew wouldn't continue to blow his Matzoh balls over a girl who drops a "Kavalier and Gay"� joke? It couldn't have happened a moment too soon"”Zach was slowly approaching "I, the viewer, want to smash the T.V. with a pool ball every time Zach opens his stupid mouth" status. But will Seth and Summer actually go through with it? And is Caleb actually going to croak next week, as the preview indicated? And will any O.C. viewer actually donate money to the Tsunami relief fund? (That commercial was touching, Benjamin McKenzie and Peter Gallagher, but I think you guys targeted the wrong demographic. Where the fuck is Sri Lanka, anyway?) Till next week.