Eric Wang
Yeah, That'll Happen #17
My Next Job

"Hi, I'm Eric. If it weren't for tv, alcohol, inherent laziness, Facebook, my penchant for chemical dependencies, the internet, porn, internet porn, lack of willpower, compulsive gambling, and college humor websites, I could definitely have a 4.0 GPA. Also, if I could score some Vicodin off you right now, that would be super."�

That's probably not the best way to explain my 2 point something GPA and point 2 something BAC to the nice lady that's interviewing me. But then again, I'm not really worrying about it because the annual career fair has once again come and gone, and I've once again realized that I'm not graduating in May.

I am, however, worried about what to do for the rest of my life. I've got friends that are going on to med school. It's great that they've got everything all planned out and stuff, but I'm not sure I'd trade the ability to write prescription medications for years and years of school. I watch Scrubs, I know what it's like. Best of luck to those of you pursuing a medical degree though, if you could get me some Vicodin for this back injury I incurred by jumping off a roof at a New Year's party, that would be fantastic.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those guys who decided to major in art history or communications and ended up getting drunk and high all day, despite how good that sounds right now. It's just that electrical engineering is depressing, it really is. I mean, when you get excited about taking non-major electives just because you'll have girls in the class, it's time to re-evaluate the situation.

Which I have. After four summers of internships spent in tiny cubicles doing nerdery work, I've had enough. I've had enough of number crunching and code writing and lab testing, I've had enough of Dilbert calendars and socially awkward coworkers and working through lunch. I mean, the money was good, but when you get excited about going over to the Human Resources department just because the chicks that work there are hot, it's time to re-evaluate the situation.

So I've decided that after I graduate, I'm going down to Hollywood, where they're gonna make a movie about the things that they find crawling around my brain. I'm also going to a Counting Crows concert along the way. Ok, I understand that my plan doesn't particularly have a high degree of immediate success or parental approval, but it's how I want to make bundles of cash so that I can live in The O.C. Because after all, isn't that the ultimate plan, to have ridiculously beautiful kids and vicariously attend high school through them? Of course, the irony is that to get my initial bank, I'm gonna have to log a few years in the nerdery. Damn!

And now, some things that seem to happen only to me"¦
Once again I've fallen into that weird sleeping schedule where I only see 2 or 3 hours of sunlight a day, and I'm forced to try and tame it somehow by dosing myself with Nyquil regularly. At least my cold is getting better.

Is there some sort of trick to eating a meatball sub? How come I can never get to the last meatball without getting sauce all over myself?

I'm finally off probation from the time I stole a carton of chocolate milk. Despite being richer in experience, I feel exactly the same.

I seriously cannot go a single day without checking my Facebook messages. I just have one question for the people who have a group picture in their Facebook profile. Which one are you?

Is it just me, or does everyone secretly want to replace those markers that check counterfeit money with Sharpies?

So I finally finally watched Garden State, after listening to the soundtrack every time I study. No longer do I feel like the guy who quotes Napoleon Dynamite without ever having seen it. Also, I finally watched Napoleon Dynamite.

Drunk Facebooking is the new drunk text messaging is the new drunk IMing. Remember freshman year when you were drunk and couldn't get that girl to come over because she had no idea what you were typing? I type so much better drunk now that I'm a senior. That doesn't mean my game is improved, I just type like I'm sober.

They're coming out with a Lindsay Lohan Barbie doll. This joke practically writes itself.

Someone emailed me recently asking if I was Eric from emotioneric.com. I am not. Just because we are both Asian and share the same first name does not mean we are the same guy. Also, just because I Facebooked the 18 Eric Wangs on Facebook does not mean I have some sort of identity crisis.

Spring break could not have come at a better time. Cold weather really drains my wallet. I mean, when the heating bill is 50 bucks a person, grabbing a hot light bulb to heat your hands seems like a pretty good idea. As far as I'm concerned, there are only two benefits to cold weather. One, girls look much cuter in sweaters, and two, you can go steal cafeteria trays and go sledding down a hill when it snows. I did aggravate my back injury though, that's no good. Seriously, if you could Vicodin me, it would be fantastic.


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