"The O.C. Review," 4/14/2005

And on this, episode 19 of Season Two, God"”err, Josh Schwartz said, "Ye faithful, loyal, but hereto disappointed followers of OC scripture. Fret not further: I'm about to throw you a motherfucking bone."� Amen. Has any episode gone so quickly from being groan-inducingly silly (Julie Cooper's bullet-less gun) to groan-inducingly orgasmic as this one? (I think I ejaculated in my pants from the sheer awesomeness of the show's final 15 minutes.) From drugs to sex to underdog pornographers, this puppy had it all. In a reverse example of the meta self-awareness that usually permeates the show, it even had a reference to my own beloved fraternity, the Delta house (an alumnus of our upstanding organization wrote "Animal House"� based on his experience here. All the steak-face rugby players in my house said I'd have to do the Elephant Walk all over again if I didn't highlight this in my column. Of course, the irony of steak-face rugby players getting all uppity over a teen soap opera is duly noted).

With that shameless bout of self-promotion out of the way, let's look at the pertinent plotlines of this week's episode, in no particular order:
1) Seth/Summer; Zach/Reed: This one's easy: Seth, you suck. Stop being such a goddamn bitch. You stole Summer from Zach, and then insist on salting his game with Reed? (Put aside for the moment that it is ludicrous that a hot-ass 23-year old professional would even consider dating a high-school junior, but whatevs). I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually rooting for Zach on this one. Previous comments on the quality of his acting still stand, though.
2) "The Rager:"� Threesomes? Check. Check. Ex-convicts as enforcers? Check. OD-ed girls face-down in the swimming pool? Check. Just like every party I went to in high school? Um, not so much, but here's to living vicariously. The two cliff-hangers (the non-kiss between Ryan and Marissa; Trey copping to the Ecstasy charge) both produced a lot of tension, and raise a lot of interesting possibilities for next week (Will they or won't they? Did he or didn't he? Will I actually write something intelligible or continue being vague out of sheer laziness?) Bonus: the OD-girl dropping one of the funniest lines in recent memory (rough paraphrase): "Check out my tattoo. Buddha's smoking a joint."� Into the pool you go, idiot.
3) The Kirsten/Sandy/Carter saga: Kirsten, Kirsten, Kirsten, what are you doing?? I said it before, and I shall say it again: there's no way she'll actually cheat on Sandy. But fucking up Carter's steez with that hottie orthopedist was totally out of character. I don't know what to make of this. Send me suggestions.
4) Julie/Lance vs. Caleb: Fuck Iran, Iraq, and North Korea"”this is what I call an Axis of Evil. What a fantastic alliance. You'd be hard-pressed to find a more loveable sleazebag porn-peddler than Lance. Turning down 8 grand for the tapes after being beaten to a pulp by Caleb's goons? What a guy! I admire his ability to think big: "Hmm. I live out of a dirty motel room. How do I change my predicament? Got it! Convince the woman I publicly humiliated to 1) come home with me from a biker bar, and 2) let me off her husband. Genius.

Till next week. Send all thoughts, calls, comments, critiques, and factual inaccuracies, as always, to Neel.shah@dartmouth.edu