I REALLY NEED TO FOCUS ON MY CAREER

These are things men have said to me while we were getting to know one another that made me decide I was "too busy with work right now for a relationship."


"I usually date blondes, all my ex-girlfriends have been blonde."

"I like tall women. I mean I'm attracted to all types, but there's nothing like a long-legged tall woman."

"You have huge eyes. I'm a blue eye type kinda guy myself, but yours are kinda nice."

"See, most people would think that girl over there is too skinny, but I don't think so. Sometimes curves are overrated. Most people think really thin girls are not attractive, but I think they're hot."

"I don't have a type. Ok, maybe Kate Bosworth. Yeah, that's my type. Kate Bosworth."

"Looks aren't that important. I'm not a shallow guy. Besides, when you with someone you're not really attracted to, you can just picture yourself with someone else."

"You're a good looking chick. That's good. Looks are important. I mean, I know it's PC to say, "˜oh I want her to be smart and interesting' but that's such BS."

"Are you laughing cause you think what I said was funny, or cause you want me to think you think what I said was funny? Cause, you know, I'm trying my best here, but you're the comedienne, so don't laugh at my jokes unless you REALLY think they're funny."

"I should do stand-up. It'd be a hell of a lot easer than law school."

"You know what's so funny? Midgets. Midget and retards. Ha! That's always gotta kill right?"

"Oh, well my ex-girlfriend loved reality TV, but I guess everyone's got different taste."

"Oh, well my ex-girlfriend thought that joke was hilarious, but I guess you guys have different senses of humor."

"My ex was a psycho bitch. All women are psycho bitches."

"Just so you know, my last girlfriend gave really amazing head. [wink]"

"Let's see, there was "˜the environmentalist,' then there was "˜the Jewish American Princess,' then there was "˜the actress,' then there was "˜the gymnast/nutritionist,' then there was "˜hot unemployed girl,' then there was "˜the academic,' and I guess you'll be "˜the comedienne'. . ."

"I'm the type of guy that can be in a serious relationship with a girl for a long time and not even like her that much."

"I'm a really sensitive guy, so I'm always leading women on. It's a problem."

"I like to keep things casual. You know? Chill. I don't like making plans. If you call me and I'm free then, hell yeah, let's hang out. But, you know, I don't know cause stuff is always happening. Things are grillin' for me all the time. Shit is unexpected."

"My schedule's kinda crazy right now. I'm usually free to hang out like after midnight or maybe later . . ."

"I'm definitely ready to get married."

"So, how long do you usually date a guy before fucking him?"

"God, it's so weird. You look just like this girl I met speed dating last week."

"You know what's weird? The walls of this restaurant are the same background color I just picked out for my blog."

"I just posted about that very subject on my blog."

"It's a beer blog. It gets over 30 hits . . . a day!"

"No, don't get offended. I don't think less of you cause you eat red meat. (takes long drag of cigarette) I just might have trouble making out with you if I know you just, like, had a steak or something."

"I think we're all going to hell. Not just the Jews, everyone. We've all sinned, and stuff. It's inevitable."

"I don't like opinionated people, especially women."

"Do you like camping?"

"We should go rollerblading one day?"

"I like food; I mean you have to eat right? But I don't LOVE food. There are a million and one things I'd rather do than eat."

"Did you see that Jimmy Fallen, Queen Latifah movie? Comedy Gold!"

"Last night I got so drunk I passed out on the street. Don't know how I got home. It was Comedy Gold!"

"Do you ever watch Newlyweds? Comedy Gold!"

"I'm digging your scarf. You wouldn't think teal would go with Burnt Sienna, but it looks really nice"

"Do you highlight your own hair, or are those copper tones natural?"

"Can I get the Pink Pussy Cosmo with extra grapefruit juice and"”what do you want to drink?"



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For more writing and a show schedule go to:

Mindy's Blog
Want Mindy to perform at your college?

Contact: Rich or Tim at
GP College Entertainment




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