Articles Archive
9 total on Thursday, May 1st
CH All Nighter Hardly Working #1: 9 O'Clock
by Doug Kellner May 01, 2008Turn on the coffee pot and turn off the porn
keep your eyes peeled-straight 'til the morn.
Kick off your shoes, take off your socks.
Here we go viewers, Hardly Working: 9 O'Clock(s).
Trivia Challenge
by Streeter Seidell May 01, 2008
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Ethan: DeShawn Stevenson for President! I want a chief executive who isn't afraid to throw out a throat slash when he's down by ten points. George Bush doesn't even do that until he's up by like twenty.
Ethan: His beard alone is every bit the villain that the Iron Sheik was in his prime. The best part about Stevenson is that none of his behavior makes any sense. He'll showboat when he's losing. He'll wear a Mike Vick jersey. He'll ask Eddie Jordan to give Brendan Haywood's rotation spot to Soulja Boy. Why hasn't LeBron just finished him off?
Amir: Because LeBron is just one person, and Stevenson/Butler/Jamison is a pretty good three headed monster. Besides, you think the basketball gods would allow this series to go any less than seven?
Ethan: I hope they'd end it quick just to keep LeBron from getting hurt. Darius Songaila is going to show up with a baseball bat as the Wiz get progressively more violent with LeBron. I thought the East series were supposed to suck. Pistons-Sixers has been fun, and the Hawks are surprisingly feisty. Pistons and Celtics still win those series, though, right?
Amir: Naturally... but I think they both lost their right to be called favorites to win it all. I'm just hoping we get ot see some game 7's: Where anything can happen! Who's doing a better job this postseason: Kobe Bryant or DeShawn Stevenson's publicist?
It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR. See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you've got a great WYR, submit it at the bottom of this or any WYR article.
Would You Rather...
- Be in a state school that gets out in the middle of may with the rest of the developed world, or be in a liberal arts school that doesn't let you f*cking graduate until June 1st? From Mike
- Have a roommate who eats your sh*t (the food kind) without asking, or have a roommate who constantly eats your sh*t (the feces kind) after asking politely? From Josh
- Have a live hamster living inside you (no negative health effects except occasionally it would tickle your insides), or be very, very slippery? From Jack
- Watch Rookie of the Year, The Sandlot, Angels in the Outfield, or Little Big League if that's all that was on TV? From Andrew
- Have Rachel Ray cook for you everyday, or have a pornstar f*ck you everyday? From kevin
- Win a VCR and a Schwinn Bike on Legends of The Hidden Temple, or win a trip to Space Camp on Figure It Out? From David
- Have a nipple-sized penis, or penis-sized nipples? From tom
- Be fat and have wings, or be a midget with mind reading powers? From Jack
- Fail a final because you spent all night banging the chick of your dreams, or get a 100 on a final because you passed on banging the chick of your dreams to study? From Brett
- Chug a glass of a guy's spit, or chug a glass of a hot girl's pee? From Scott
- Toast Jigglypuff like a marshmallow and have Jigglypuff smores, or be hungry on your Pokemon forest camping trip? From Jessica
Finally, this week's winner of the You Are Very, Very Stoned Award is rob, who sent in this.
- How funny would it be if animals could laugh if you tickle them? Or imagine how your dog or pet could laugh. What if you tickle an ant? Haha wow. From rob
Congrats Rob. Now, are you still holding?
If you have a good WYR, submit it below. Check back every Friday to see if yours made the cut.
Band Practice
by Streeter and Sarah May 01, 2008Open on Alvin and the Chipmunks, at band practice. They begin to sing, but it quickly becomes apparent that something is off. Finally, Alvin snaps.
SIMON: Excuse me? MY problem? Last time I checked, we were a GROUP.
THEODORE: Guys, come on, not this again.
ALVIN: Shut up, Ted. You know that sounded like crap.
SIMON: Leave him alone, Alvin.
ALVIN: And Simon, where the hell were you on that major third?
SIMON: Oh, like your falsetto was perfect? You sound like a f*cking mouse.
THEODORE: Easy, Simon.
ALVIN: A MOUSE!? Do I look like a f*cking mouse to you?
SIMON: Do you really want me to answer that?
ALVIN: You have been bringing us down for WEEKS now, Simon. What is your deal?
SIMON: My DEAL is that I'm tired of listening to your holier-than-thou bullsh*t.
ALVIN: Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize we were Simon and the Chipmunks.
SIMON: And who put you first anyway?
THEODORE: It's alphabetical.
SIMON: F*ck THAT. He's constantly late to performances, he is always making Dave yell, and he refuses to make us letters for our shirts.
ALVIN: You know that wasn't my decision.
SIMON: Whatever, Alvin. I'm tired of following your lead. I don't care how many minutes older than me you are.
ALVIN: Five.
SIMON: WHATEVER. I'm too smart for this small-time musician crap. I wear GLASSES for pete's sake.
ALVIN: Now who's acting like holier-than-thou?
SIMON: I'm sorry, what? Did you even see the latest band posters?
Simon holds up a band poster, which is 90% taken up by a badass shot of Alvin. Simon and Theodore are barely visible in the background.
Unlikely Episodes of True Life
by Brian Merusi May 01, 2008
Today's Hottest College Girl Matchups
by CH Staff May 01, 2008Here are today's matchups. Vote now, these girls are counting on you!
Jennifer
Kimberly
Alison
