THIS IS HAPPENING.

Here is our second (and final) attempt to win $10,000 from Diet Mountain Dew (one of our sponsors) by creating the best ad for their Surprising Facts campaign. We can't win the money because they sponsor us, but you can. All you need to do is find a surprising (and true) fact and make a commercial for it. Simple as that. For the complete rules and example videos check out SurprisingFacts.com.

ETHAN: Justine Henin is retiring? Annika Sorenstam is retiring? I swear to God, if Sue Bird is next, I'm going to stop watching women's sports altogether.

AMIR: Don't even joke. Don't even joke.

ETHAN: I'm just sad for poor Danica Patrick. She missed her chance to go out on top. Did last night prove what I've been telling you for years: "Don't ever trust a guarantee from Jameer Nelson?"

AMIR:I only trust Guaran-sheeds, you know that. How much trash do you have to talk for Rasheed Wallace to want to take the moral high road?

ETHAN: That white patch of hair has never looked so dignified. I sort of liked that Nelson was making the guarantee when he was obviously on the worse team. That takes balls, and I hope the Nationals follow suit and make a World Series guarantee.

AMIR: I'll guarantee they WON'T be there. Does that count?

ETHAN: This makes six straight East finals for the Pistons. Dynasty alert?

AMIR: Let me put "six years" in perspective the first year the Pistons made the conference finals (2002-2003) they got swept by the Nets and Danny Manning was on their team.

ETHAN: Yeah, I know, the Pistons are THAT good. No shame in losing to the 2003 Nets, though. That team had Lucious Harris, Kerry Kittles, and Brian Scalabrine. You can't help it when you run into a buzzsaw like that. Why won't anyone give Detroit any love? Is it because they're kind of boring?

As the name behind Saturday Night Live's short-but-hilarious "Deep Thoughts," writer Jack Handey has become synonymous with the art of the bizarre one liner. Since leaving SNL (where he also wrote several memorable sketches, including "Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer") in 2002, Handey has contributed humorous essays to The New Yorker, and in April, published What I'd Say to the Martians and Other Veiled Threats, a collection of his writing. Below, he talks with CollegeHumor about comedy and car-driving felines.

What I'd Say To The Martians includes both essays and Saturday Night Live scripts. Are either of these formats more difficult than the other?
Both are hard. To me, the best humor pieces are written from the point of view of a specific character. So when you're thinking of ideas, you think about what your character would be interested in, what he could pontificate about. In TV, you're just trying to come up with a funny ideas. Also, in TV you're thinking visually. I do, anyway. I try to think of a funny image, and then what might explain that funny image.

For sheer writing, doing a humor piece is probably more difficult. But physically, TV really wears you out. Saturday Night Live, anyway. There the writers produce their own pieces, so you have to make sure the sets, props, sound effects, etc., are right. By the after-show party, you're ready for that beer.