Tricia and Kara, two extremely hot girls, are laying out in the quad.

Tricia: Oh my god, Kara, take a look at Henry Popper over there laying on the bench.

Kara: Wow. Look at that healthy, full gut. He must be like, totally well fed and wealthy.

Tricia: Seriously. He must get to eat rich, dairy-based foods and meats, like, all the time.

Kara: Compared to Biff Ryland over there playing Frisbee, all sinewy and shirtless.

Tricia: Effing gross. Look at those abs and well-defined delts. Uhh, can you spell "field laborer?"

Kara: Haha, you're such a bitch, Tricia.

Tricia: It's true! Ew, and that bronze tan? Girl I want a man that owns the land, NOT works on it.

Kara: Ew, Biff even has that "cut V" thing going on near his crotch.

Tricia: Sheesh, why doesn't he just wear a sign that says, "I don't get to eat figgy pudding with gravy very often."

My BF's Penis: Hello boys. Thank you all for being here today. By a raise of shafts who here is new? Okay, good! Welcome. And how many 3-6 month relationshipers do we have with us? Good! Keep at it, it's good you're here now. And what about a year or more...? Great. Kudos to you all.

Okay, first off, I know what you're all going through. I'm going on two years and three months. Some days are awesome and others, man, it's an uphill battle. But you gotta keep your eye on the PRIZE. You gotta FOCUS.

Have her techniques and tricks gotten old? YES! Have her choke holds and thrusts become more and more predictable? HELL YES! But here's the thing fellas: he loves her and he's not going anywhere, so we have to keep on keeping on!

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been alot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out thetop 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to RoommateConfessions@GMail.com.

Freshman year, that creepy guy at the crosswalk gave us both a miniature bible. You threw yours away and somebody made a joke about you going to hell for throwing away a Bible. When you weren't looking I took the bible out of the garbage and hid it in your sock drawer. Then when you asked me two weeks later whether or not you had thrown it away, I just said "I thought so." Then I took it out of the garbage again and hid it in your closet drawer. When you found it and freaked out, I played it cool. I knew you were suspicious of me, so I looked for it for a few days before I found it in your porn stash(which was well hidden, by the way). Then I checked every day until the bible was gone (you must have thrown it away in the dumpster.) then I put my identical bible in your drawer. Then when you were really scared and told me what was going on, I was a total dick and said you should probably tell your priest. I'm really sorry, I didnt think you'd actually tell your priest that you hid a bible with a bunch of porn.
Andy, USD

We have a super annoying roommate. Basically everything she does makes us want to slap her. She goes home to visit her mommy every weekend so we throw parties when she's out of town and let anyone who wants to have sex on her bed. It usually happens a few times every weekend. What's worse is we've never seen her wash her sheets.
Kendall, UIC

Due to recent record profits in the video game market, many video game companies have decided to try and profit from the single largest demographic: Baby boomers. Fortunately, I was able to get a hand on some of those video games. Here's a first look:

Schools out! Are the next three months going to be nothing but pool parties and pizza, or will they suck? Just answer these six simple questions to find out!

Are your parents going on vacation and leaving you home sans babysitter at any point?
Nope (0 points)
Maybe for a night here and there (1 point)
They'll be gone for a whole weekend at some point (2 points)
I have the house all to myself this July (3 points)

If yes, are you going to have a party?
I didn't say yes (0 points)
No, I'm going to respect their wishes (0 points)
Yes. Party at my place. Be there or be square (3 points)