Approach 1: Single out my dream girl.

Hey guys, remember me? I know Spence left some big shoes to fill, but I'm gonna do my best to deliver a concise weekly breakdown of the happenings in Gossiptown, USA. You know, just in case you were interested in that kind of stuff but were too ashamed to visit an actual gossip site (*ahem*, I'm looking at you, EVERYONE).

Break it down, now.

Bill Murray's wife has filed for divorce, accusing him of being abusive during their ten year marriage. Which I completely understand. I mean, he did make Garfield. (WWTDD)

Ashlee Simpson is pregnant! No? No one's surprised? Oh ok, just Joe Simpson, who quickly attempted to cover up his horrified reaction by claiming 'dibs' on the placenta. (DListed)

One of the guys from CSI was busted recently in possession of heroin, cocaine, ecstasy AND prescription drugs. And just like on the show, the charges were soon dropped because the perpetrator was kind of famous. CSI:Preferential Treatment, here we come! (WWTDD)

The time all men feared would come has arrived. The Sex and the City movie is mere days away. You may have suffered through only a few episodes or the entire series, depending on how long you've been with your girlfriend (or depending on how much you identify with overprivileged, bitchy Manhattan women). And now you WILL be getting dragged to this movie on the weekend of May 30th. So if you're going to have to sit through this one, you might as well know what's going on and who everyone is, right? Here's a quick guide that will get you through the 2 and a half hours (yes, you read that right, this will be like Lord of the Rings for people with vaginas) of cosmopolitan-sipping, men-bashing, fashion-talking horror.

Carrie: This is the main character, the narrator, and the person who will be wearing increasingly ridiculous outfits as though it's perfectly normal to have a dress with a flower on it that's roughly the size of a basketball. Looks kind of like Elaine from that episode of Seinfeld where she got steamed at the bagel shop Kramer was picketing mixed with some horse DNA. She is in love with Mr. Big, who saved her from an abusive Russian artist in Paris at the end of the series. She writes a column called "Sex and the City," which always has some parallels to whatever is going on in everyone's life and has deep insights like how men are like shoes. If you had to compare her to a real-life person, she would be Renee Zellweger.

RULES: Leave your one best entry as a comment, not a reply. Winner, as chosen by a poll next week, gets a BustedTee. Hit the keep reading for last week's picture and nominees...