Hey kids,

Here at Collegehumor we're always looking for fresh meat to exploit. We even made a whole page devoted to job opportunities.

Check out http://www.collegehumor.com/jobs to see available positions and information on how to apply. If you forget the link later, you can always find it in the footer of the site. Then again, if you forget the link, you probaby shouldn't even apply.

Thanks!

Ethan: LeBron almost had a quadruple double (including turnovers) and the Cavs still lost? How can that be? I thought getting double digits of various statistics was the surefire way to victory.

Amir: Quintuple double if you count blown layups, which I do. He had 11. Who do you think is sadder today, LeBron or Ray Allen, who after putting up a goose egg in a victory now knows he's completely and utterly useless?

Ethan: I'd say Allen feels sadder; this has to be worse than the time he saw a VHS copy of He Got Game sitting on a sidewalk in a box of stuff labeled "Free to a good home. Or any home, really."

Amir: "I want to pay you for this." "Nah, just take it."

Ethan: At least he didn't ballhog yesterday; he only took four shots. He did have one assist though!

Amir: They would have only won by 2 without his contributions! If you are a Celtics fan, are you confident that your team can win this series?

Ethan: No, but I think they will. It's troubling that LeBron can absolutely stink out the joint on the road, and the Cavs can still almost win. I'm still sort of baffled that the Cavs can shoot 30% from the field and not get routed. Remember when Damon Jones played basketball?

Amir: Vaguely. He... oh my god. I just checked his wikipedia page. Guess how many teams he's been on? And don't guess a high number just because I said "oh my god."

Ethan: He bounced around a lot pre-Miami. Six? Nobody wants to keep you when you wear those stupid fucking sunglasses all the time.

Amir: Between 1998 and 2006 he played on ten different teams in 8 seasons. Never playing for the same team for two consecutive years until he joined Cleveland. Nets, Celtics, Warriors, Mavericks, Grizzlies, Pistons... sorry I have to stop typing. My fingers hurt.

Ethan: And now he's just one of two "D. Jones" who aren't playing for the Cavs. Were you as elated as I was that Theo Ratliff began scrapping and talking trash about the Magic? I thought he'd been dead since 2003. Welcome back, Theo!

So you think your undergrad-assigned roommate may be a Mossad agent? Here are a few tips to help you decide:

1. She knew your blood type before you ever even met.

2. Her "cool party gag" is disassembling your laptop in less than 25 seconds.

3. She fashions an Uzi out of the heap of disassembled laptop parts.

4. She does that trick where she ties a cherry-stem into a knot using only her tongue. Except when she does it, the stem becomes an Uzi.

5. A week into your first semester, the school's German-studies program is suspended after it's uncovered that half the professors are Nazi war-criminals. *Bonus points if...after hearing about this you confront her in your dorm room and she looks at you with that "I have no idea what your talking about" face.

6. An annoying drunk dude hits on her at a party and she paralyzes him using only three pimento olives.

7. She uses the olives to assemble an Uzi.

8. Her cell rings at 4 am on consecutive nights. You ask who it is. She replies, "oh, it's just that asshole Michael Chertoff again."

9. She has perfect 20/20 vision and can detect small mammal movement at 50 yards. Blindfolded.

10. She read this article. Before I wrote it.

Good Morning, everyone.  For the next hour I'll be taking questions about life after college over at WashingtonPost.com.  If you have a question swing on by and submit it.  The site live updates so you can refresh the page to see my responses to your questions.  Unfortunately, there is no live cam like we had during our all nighter so you won't be able to watch me answer the questions, but know this: even though you can't see it, I'll have a shoe on my head the whole time just for you.