Articles Archive

5 total on Friday, May 16th

Your Future Roommate

by Jake Hurwitz 7 hours ago
Dear future freshman... Somewhere in the world, your roommate just filled out his Roommate Selection Questionnaire.



 


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The Weekly WYR

May 15th

by Jake Hurwitz 9 hours ago


It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR. See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you've got a great WYR, submit it at the bottom of this or any WYR article.

Would You Rather...

  • Have a sweet car that turns into a Transformer like Bumblebee from the movie, or have the female Terminator from Terminator 3 be your personal body guard and sex slave? From jack
  • Live in the Narnia Kingdom, or live in Harry Potter's magical place? From Jimmy
  • Fart every time you orgasm, or orgasm every time you fart? From Mike
  • Be admired by ALL men in the world, or be loved only by the one woman you choose? From Cesar (Bruce)
  • Have sex with the hottest girl in your class, or have sex with every other girl in your class? From James
  • Never be able to wipe your butt after pooping, or never be able to dry off after taking a shower? From Dale
  • Have sex with anyone in the world anytime for a month., or get free food for the rest of your life? From Bradly
  • Never watch Lost ever again, or be forced to watch each new episode with someone who's never seen it before and tell them exactly what is going on? From Xavier

Finally, this week's winner of the You Don't Have Bad Sex With Jake Hurwitz Award is Jake's Dada, who sent in this.

  • Have terrible sex with Jake Hurwitz and never get off or have sex with a cousin and always be able to get off? From Jake's Dada

Sorry man, it just doesn't happen.

If you have a good WYR, submit it below. Check back every Friday to see if yours made the cut.

  • First Name:
  • Last Name:
  • Would You Rather...

    or
 


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Celebrity Now

Stuff You Don't Care About But Will Help You Get Laid

by Kate Spencer 9 hours ago


Is there a presidential election going on? Because all I see see is skin.

Kim Kardashian loves looking at herself in a bikini, and so do I. [Egotastic]

On the other hand, Lily Allen gets naked to go swimming, and she looks exactly like what you imagine your sister to look like naked. Judge for yourself here: [Egotastic]

Jessica Simpson's boy toy Tony Romo cheated on her with another plastic looking blonde with fake skin. See a pattern? [DListed]

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How to Get a Girl While Moving Out of Your Dorm

by Susanna Wolff 12 hours ago
This is your last chance here, gentlemen. That girl from your floor whom you thought was kind of weird until you saw her in a towel and reconsidered? She can still be yours.

There are a few standard ways to start to charm her: if you've got some upper-body strength, help her with boxes. If you're tall, help her with posters. If you're a short, pathetic weakling, supply the Goo-Gone. You know, work what genetics/a trip to the hardware store gave you.

But, just knocking on her door and offering to help is not exactly subtle, so what you're going to want to do is dip your head into her room and ask if she has something she almost definitely won't have for you to borrow (i.e. a wrench or a squeegee). Once she says no, you are free to casually come to her aid in one of the previously mentioned ways.

While you're helping, flirt. (Duh.) If you don't know how to do that (jeez), here's an obvious suggestion: make fun of her. (Yes, college really is just a less educational version of 2nd grade.) Don't be, like, mean mean, but pick on her enough to elicit a little embarrassed laughter. Because she's laughing, she'll start to think you're funny even though all you did was make fun of her for owning "The Cutting Edge" on VHS.
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See More:  How To Get A Girl...  
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Assorted Jelly Beans - Babar

by Ben Schwartz 13 hours ago

Here is the second installment of RejectedJokes.com's Assorted Jelly Beans - the one panel comic written by Ben Schwartz and brilliantly illustrated by Steve Dressler.

 


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