105% (Page 8)

Hey Loyal Readers, we've recently stopped posting "105%" columns here, but be sure to check out "Jokes" in our brand new feature, uPick, where you get to submit and vote on your favorite stories submitted by users like you.

 

Subscribe to 105%

Get notified about new episodes via email, SMS and on CollegeHumor.

Learn More
105%-O-Matic
105% issue #3

by 105%-O-Matic on


If you didn’t read this sentence, please click this fake link.

There are a lot of problems you can run away from in life, but back hair is not one of them.
-Chris Richman
A Former Homophobe Who Came Out Gay but is Still Sorta Homophobic
“If you’re not secure enough in your masculinity to masturbate to two men kissing, then you’re a bigger fag than they are.”
-Tom Sunnergren
All 30 NBA Teams Name Changed by a Guy Who Has Less Than 45 Seconds to Change Them.
Los Angeles Popular People, Chicago Winds, New York Buildings, Kansas, err, Sacramento Cows, Dallas Heat, Miami Beaches, Toronto Skeletons, Vancouver Time. Crap. Umm. Detroit Tigers. Dammit. This is so hard. Houston Texans Orlando Blooms. How much time? Wait stop. Stop! I said How much time, that doesn’t count! STOP! THIS DOESN’T COUNT!!! Memphis.
-Amir B.
Keep Reading »
| 55 comments
105%-O-Matic
105% issue #2

by 105%-O-Matic on

105% – Making literacy worth it for two full weeks now.
Stanley Rhein, inventor of Mad Libs died today. He was seventy-poop years old.
-Amir B.
If life were more like hockey, a horn would sound at the end of a girl’s period.
-Chris Richman
Meta-TV Pitches
The Producer- A competitive reality show in which contestants compete in challenges for the right to create a competitive reality show.
The Awardys- An award show where the Awardy Awards are awarded.
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip- An overrated show about people creating an overrated show.
-Jeff Rubin
Great Thing to Say When You’re Having Sex
“This Just In: My Dick”
-Streeter Seidell
Keep Reading »
| 54 comments
105%-O-Matic
105% issue #1 - Collector's Edition

by 105%-O-Matic on

Frankly, they didn’t fit anywhere else.


I have a two-part question: what is this university doing about my inability to count properly? That is all.
-Patrick Cassels
Technically True
- Half a stitch in time saves four and a half.
- There are 1,440 suckers born every day.
- Twenty-three and a half birds in the hand is worth forty-seven in the bush.
-Jeff Rubin
One Sided Debate
I mean, the egg came first. Where else would the chicken come from? Great, next question.
-Amir B.
Maybe it’s me, but someone is typing this sentence.
-Streeter Seidell
Kiefer Sutherland Orders Chinese Food
“Hi, I’d like to make an order for delivery. One Egg Drop Soup and one Chicken Lo Mein. 728 Broadway, #4. Cash. Thanks very much.”
-Sam Reich
Uncomfortable Things to Say at a Black Fraternity…
- “I hope I don’t black out.”
- “These black lights are giving me a headache.”
- “I wish there weren’t so many black people here.”
-Tom Sunnergren
Advice for Seniors
Carry around a pair of extra sharp scissors. When someone says, “Hey, what are you doing after you graduate?” you say, “Hard time,” and puncture their appendix with the utmost fervor.
-Dan Gurewitch

Send your 105% submissions to 105percent @ gmail dot com

Keep Reading »
| 36 comments