Pwn My Life

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Dorkly.com, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I recently had a bad break up with a long-term girlfriend. To me, the worst part was coming to terms with the complete personality change she underwent afterward. Whenever I’m feeling down, I think of how much worse it must have been for Jim Raynor of StarCraft when Sarah Kerrigan became the Queen of Blades.
-Matt

I once spent 15 out of the 16 hours I was awake playing Runescape… on Christmas.
-Austin

I took the GRE recently. After the test I was presented with the experimental analytical writing section. This upset me greatly. I had just gotten through taking the GRE, the last thing I felt like doing was writing another essay. Instead, I ignored the prompt and wrote Dr. Who/ Halo crossover fanfiction. At least this way I figure someone will actually read it.
-Kevin

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Dorkly.com, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I was re-reading Scott Pilgrim at school when some dude enthusiastically came up to me and said, “Hey, you read manga too?” I resisted the urge to laugh in his face and merely turned my back on him. I mean, do you see me reading the book backwards?
-Anonymous

Last week I went to the optometrist and found out I needed a stronger prescription. My new insurance won’t cover contacts, which I’d been trying to wear in an effort to look cool. I had to settle with a thick-framed Medicaid issued pair of glasses. Defeated, I decided to embrace my dorkiness and immediately ran to the nearest Gamestop and bought Fallout 3.
-Grace

When I was younger, I would go over to my neighbor’s house because he had a N64. When he got Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time I spent hours watching him play. He would control and I would tell him what to do. One night after I went home, he decided to play without me. I missed the cut scene where we find out that Sheik is actually Zelda. When I found out the next day I tried to beat him up and his mom kicked out me out. Then I went home and cried.
-Anonymous

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Dorkly.com, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

The one and only thing that pisses me off about Angry Birds is the white bird who drops eggs. The egg falls vertically. In reality, it should, given the inertia, fall parabolically with the same horizontal speed as the bird was previous to dropping the egg.
-Anonymous

I dreamt that Blizzard had somehow got the rights to Star Wars. They were making a Starcraft and Star Wars crossover movie. It was going to feature the Terran, Republic, Rebel, and Protoss forces all fighting against the Zerg. I should point out, it wasn’t the actual movie I saw in my dream, just an advertisement for it in a magazine. I got so excited I woke up.
-Greg, Wesleyan University

My World of Warcraft account has a stronger password than my bank account.
-Kyle

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Dorkly.com, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

In the episode of Bleep Bloop about the Grease videogame, Jeff Rubin asked if anybody remembered the Home Improvement episode with the Greased Lightning fantasy sequence. I was sorely disappointed with Jeff because it wasn’t a fantasy sequence. It was a video Mark made for Tool Time to show off Tim’s new hot rod after his first video was too avant garde for the Tool Time audience.
-Anonymous

I bought the sexiest little outfit at Victoria’s Secret yesterday. I modeled it for my boyfriend later that night. Instead of getting wanting to get it on, he asked me to read him his new limited-edition Fallout: New Vegas comic book. So I did.
-Anonymous

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Dorkly.com, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I once tried to give up videogames for Lent. One day in, I changed it to only six hours of video games a day.
-Forrest

I haven’t bought any of the Harry Potter movies on DVD yet, because I’m waiting for the 7-film box set.
-Anonymous

One time I was looking at porn on the Internet and came across a scantily clad picture of Supergirl. The caption was “I’d love to be Superman right now.” I stopped what I was doing and left a comment explaining that Superman and Supergirl were cousins. if anything, she should make you happy that you’re not Superman.
-Anonymous

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Dorkly.com, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I used to be a really big nerd as a kid (and still am), but I remember being very lonely. In my free time from playing video games and reading books, I remember my best memories were on the playground running around pretending to play Quidditch by myself.
-Anonymous

When I was 10 my mom bought me “Battletoads and Double Dragon.” I had been begging her for it for weeks. I played through the first stage about 10 times, but the final boss, Abobo, would always kill me and I’d have to restart to level. I couldn’t believe I couldn’t even beat the first boss. Finally, I threw my controller down in a rage, ran into the living room sobbing and yelled at my mom for buying me such an impossibly hard game. Then I cried in my room for at least an hour.
-Anonymous

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Dorkly.com, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I was playing a tournament in NHL 2011 as the Philadelphia Flyers. I was winning 3-0 halfway through the first period of the semi-finals, when Simon Gagne suffered a concussion and had to leave the game. I promptly reset the game. I didn’t want Gagne missing the finals and the chance to celebrate the tournament championship with his fellow teammates on the ice. He worked too hard to miss that opportunity.
-Paul

After i learned to read, my mom taught me how to speed read. I spent years reading and re-reading the Harry Potter series, playing all the games, watching all the movies, and even reading them backwards from 7 to 1. The highlight of my life came last summer; I successfully read along with the first book while watching the movie.
-Austin

I ran out of compressed air to clean my keyboard and was desperate to play Warcraft 3. Instead of going to the store, I used my asthma inhaler.
-Kai

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Dorkly.com, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Last week, my dad went on about how proud he was that I was taking school seriously because I had been taking notes for four hours. Boy did he look disappointed when he realized I was taking notes on the Dungeons and Dragons handbook.
-Marlie

I told the school secretary that I was in an emergency situation so that they’d let me call my grandmother. I needed to make sure she got the “Ultimate Collector’s Edition 4-Disc Blu-ray” of Toy Story 3 instead of the other versions.
-John

When I was in 5th grade, my mother forced my friends and I to play outside because she was afraid we were playing videogames too much. We ended up playing Goldeneye with rocks and sticks. One of my friends broke his arm. Take that, mom.
-Anonymous

A few years ago for Halloween, I made a Pyramid Head costume. It was three days of work. I thought it was awesome for a sophomore in high school. A lot of people thought it was pretty cool, too. But this one guy came up to me and told me that my whole costume was wrong, based off the movie. We had a 15 minute argument. I explained how Pyramid Head had an oblique quadrilateral pyramid in the game and how the sword grips is on the bottom next to the blade’s edge. The thing that pissed me off the most was that he took away 15 minutes of trick or treating time.
-Silvian

Most people hide porn under their beds. I hide nine seasons of Dragonball Z.
-TJ

I clip my Pokewalker to my bra under my shirt so I can level my Pokemon throughout the day without people knowing I’m a dork.
-K.

Last Halloween I dressed up as The Joker. It was a lot of fun, pulling pranks on my coworkers and having an excuse to flirt with girls dressed as Catwoman and Harley Quinn. I even made a point to pull harmless pranks on anyone dressed as Batman when I went out that night to clubs (whoopie cushions and the like). The trouble started when I went to get a drink and was met by a phenomenal looking woman dressed as The Little Mermaid. She looked me up and down and asked “why so serious?” with a come-hither look. Without thinking, I corrected her that I was The Joker from the comics, not the version Heath Ledger played in The Dark Knight. My buddy leaned in and whispered “and THAT is why you are going home alone tonight.”
-Anonymous

When I was 10, I got hypothermia because I stood in an EXTREMELY cold lake for over an hour without moving. I did this because, in my head, I was training my body and mind to one day be able to defeat Kakarot.
-Anonymous

When I was in sixth grade, I emailed the local TV station to tell them to change Pokemon from 3:30pm to 4pm, so that I would have enough time to walk home from school. It was one of the proudest moments of my life when they actually changed it.
-Jon C.

I play iPhone games at every red light.
-Anonymous

When I was nine, my cousin bought The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask. I was amazed with the game, but it terrified me when Link screamed when he had to wear a mask. When I was playing and had to use one of them, I’d pressed the button and run out of the room until the transformation was over. I didn’t know you could skip the scene at the time.
-Rafael

Back in 1997, my best friend called my mom to come pick me up from his 13th birthday party. We were playing Goldeneye, and I wouldn’t stop putting proximity mines at all the spawn points. We never spoke again.
-Griff

I pretend I’m Blastoise when I’m in the shower. I move left and right while facing down the shower-stream, so the water passes by my shoulders like hydro cannons.
-Adam

I quit my middle school cross country team because I never got home in time to watch Dragonball Z at 5:30.
-Anonymous

I was watching a movie and there was a flashback to 1997. The character was using a 2008 HP laptop and it was running VISTA. I got so mad that I turned it off.
-Taylor

I just found out that I have a (relatively minor) type of cancer. I was going over worst case scenarios in my mind, and the first thing that popped into my head was “If I die, it better not be until I at least get the chance to play Mass Effect 3.”
-Dan

The only way I can motivate myself enough to work out is by pretending I’m a Saiyan warrior training to take on Freeza.
-Anonymous

The other day I caught A Shiny Chansey, and I screamed so hard that I gave myself a hemorrhoid.
-JD (Age 21)

Some people imagine an angel and a devil on their shoulders when they have to make a tough decision. I imagine Batman on one shoulder and Deadpool on the other. When I have a really tough decision, Green Lantern and Wolverine join them.
-Anonymous

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Dorkly.com, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail

A few weeks ago, I came inches from causing a high-speed car accident. I was so excited about getting Aquaman in my Happy Meal that I couldn’t wait until I got home to play with it.
-Chase

When I was a kid, I was extremely excited when our local Blockbuster got a demo N64. I played it for two hours, then went home and wrote down everything I could remember. Years later, my older brother found that laminated Pokemon binder. He still makes fun of me for writing, “Note: Secret Z button on back of controller.”
-Steve

In between 6th and 7th grade I built two decks of Pokemon cards. Then I spent most of the summer dueling myself on a playmat in my room by myself.
-Anonymous

I’m getting married next week. I had my bride-to-be’s ring made out of palladium instead of gold or silver, because that’s what Iron Man’s core is made from.
-Moe

My professor was using superheroes to illustrate a point in class and referred to Thor as having “radioactive powers.” I was so mad that I walked out.
-Anonymous

i just had a fight with my girlfriend because she was playing MW2 with other guys. I felt cheated on.
-John

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Dorkly.com, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I went to Karaoke and told my friend I wanted to sing Amish Paradise. He misheard me and submitted Gangsta’s Paradise. I sang Amish Paradise anyway, with no help from the monitor.
-Max

I recently got a rib cage tattoo that takes up my entire side. It’s a Harry Potter quote, translated into Latin. I tell everyone it’s a Kurt Vonnegut quote from Slaughterhouse Five so they’ll think I’m deep instead of nerdy. Also, I chose to go to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter instead of Europe for my graduation present.
-Anonymous Girl

99% of my mp3s are Japanese anime openings and Dragonball character themes. Whenever someone asks what I’m listening to, I change the track before lending them my headphones. It’s the only reason I have Eminem songs on my iPod.
-Anoymous

My most athletic feat was outrunning groups of twelve-year-olds into a movie theater to get good seats for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I waited outside for hours on opening day to be at the front of the line, but the theater foolishly didn’t set up a queue to get into the auditorium itself and it turned into a free-for-all. That was the year I graduated high school.
-Anonymous

Whenever I’m having a rough time in the bathroom, I pretend I’m turning into a Super Saiyan.
-Richard

Everything I know about kissing I learned from the South Park episode, “Butters Bottom Bitch.” Someday I hope to use that knowledge.
-Anonymous (Age 17)

I work at a TV station and, when I’m not running camera for the news, I build graphics. For one graphic tonight, they asked for music items (orchestra, instruments, etc). I built a custom sheet music bit with the first part of “Lost Woods (Saria’s Song)” from Ocarina of Time on the graphic. I’m hoping that anyone that can slightly read sheet music and knows Ocarina of Time watches the 10 O’clock news.
-Anonymous

A few weeks ago, I fell asleep making out with my girlfriend because I had stayed up all night playing Braid.
-Jean-Luc

When I was 2, I wanted an NES. My parents told me that “Santa” would bring me a Nintendo if I became potty-trained. With little difficulty, I mastered the ability of using a toilet. Christmas day arrived, and I recieved my NES. I also went back to crapping my pants. “Santa” visited my house again in the middle of the night and “stole” my system. He left behind a note changing the terms of our agreement, and promptly “returned” my beloved Nintendo after I agreed to always use an actual bathroom.
-Troy

The only thing that pisses me off about being short is that I can’t do Sephiroth cosplay without looking silly.
-Anonymous

I bought the Blu-Ray edition of Halo Legends the day it came out, even though I don’t own a Blu-Ray player.
-Silvian

I tricked my Highschool committee to play Nobuo Uematsu’s Main Theme From Final Fantasy during our graduation ceremony by telling them it was a lesser known piece by Pachelbel.
-Anonymous

At work, I frequently go to the bathroom to see if my Pokemon trades went through at the global trade station.
-Omair

I get just as excited when my boyfriend gives me jewelry in WoW as I do when he gives me jewelry IRL.
-Loraine

I made myself throw up twice at work the day after Starcraft II came out so I could go home and play.
-Julianna

While watching the movie “Get Smart,” I paused the movie about 30 minutes in to calculate if the skydiving scene was realistic. I converted the plane’s cruising height to the appropriate unit, found out how long it would take them to hit the ground, and varied for deceleration due to a brief parachute deployment. All in all the scene is plausible, but unlikely. I had to calculate everything twice because I forgot to vary for terminal velocity the first time.
-Mark

I’ve noticed that whenever I drive a ball in Tiger Woods my butthole clenches up as if i’m actually hitting the ball.
-Jeff

I’m getting married in a few weeks and I managed to convince my bride-to-be to make our first dance as husband and wife the Mario Kart Love Song.
-Josh