Roommate Confessions (Page 8)

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here.

Hey Matt, I heard that you still can’t get the smell out of your car, and I thought I would let you know that you should just replace the seats. We let the mixture of eggs, piss and tilapia sit out in the sun for a few days before we injected it into the foam of your car seats (just to make sure that it would be nice and fragrant)! Since it has already been a few months, I thought I would let you know before the summer hits and the smell in your Z gets worse.
Kaitlin Marie

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here!

The reason you were sick the next day was because we stopped putting Jager in your Jager-bombs. It was more like soy-sauce-bombs for you, you selfish douchebag. Maybe this time you’ll stop hogging my Xbox.
Logan Lane, Texas Tech

Freshman year there was this complete tool who lived down the hall, who no one liked. He’s the guy who would always throw up the ‘Shocker’ in every picture he ever freakin tool. Total douche. Anyways, I saw a guy on YouTube who wanted people to call him for whatever reason and I got a brilliant idea. I went to the most viewed video on YouTube and posted a comment telling people to call (the kids number) for certain sexual services. The next day he came in to our room complaining of receiving 30 calls that night with some rather crude requests. I still periodically post his number too.
Brock, Colorado State

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here.

One day I walked into my room and my roommate was reading naked on my beanbag chair. While I admit this was pretty funny, retaliation was in order. At the time he had a girlfriend at a school across the country, and would Skype with her daily for hours. Having learned his schedule, I got naked and hid under his bed for 2 hours till he came back, locked the door, and started Skyping with his girlfriend. 10min into the conversation, I got up and walked across the frame and said “morning stud”, kissed his cheek, and then wagged my package in his face. Relationship ended.
Matt Wood, School Not Given

One time your boyfriend came over while you were in class. I let him in to wait for you and we ended up sleeping together. We’ve hooked up four times since September. He also told me what you’ve been doing with the toilet paper holder. Not cool. Please take it with you when you move out.
Lisa, University of Michigan

It’s been far too long since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here!

Hey man, remember those two weeks during spring semester when your mom’s house got foreclosed and she had to stay with us? Every time the two of you were gone, I’d rummage through her hamper and smell her panties. In all seriousness dude, your mom is smokin’ hot.

James Carter, University of Minnesota

I went to a Jewish law school, and every October we had crazy days off for Jewish holidays. One year we lucked out with 3 consecutive weeks off, so a bunch of us decided to take a cruise. One of the guys who decided to invite himself along was just a straight-up douchebag… one of those people who argues just for the sake of arguing, is always trying to prove someone wrong, just an arrogant son of a bitch. He wasn’t really anyone’s friend, and by day 3 of the 7-day cruise, everyone (and not just the law school ppl) was fed up with him. A bunch of us were sitting around that night and someone made a comment that they wished this a-hole would get lost on the island tomorrow and not make it back to the ship. We all sort of looked at each other and had an “aha!” moment. Every night, the ship staff slipped itinerary under our doors about the next day’s location: weather, things to see, and most importantly, when the ship was leaving port. And we all know that if you miss the boat, you’re shit outta luck and have to find your own way to the next port of call. So the plan was casually work the wrong departure time into the conversation the next morning and keep repeating it. As everyone showed up to breakfast one by one, we made a point of saying that the time changed from 5:00 to 6:00. Knowing he was sunburned and couldn’t stay out in the sun, we told him we were spending the day at the beach. He came with us, but after 3 hours of watching us swim and play volleyball, he headed back into town. We reminded him to be back by 6 and let him go on his merry way. Long story short, he had to pay his own way from the British Virgin Islands to Antigua and meet the ship there the next day. When he asked how we all made it back on time, we told him we got bored at the beach and went back early and just assumed we’d see him later. He never mentioned it, but we all think he found out that we messed with him, but was too arrogant to call us on it for fear of being wrong. Douchebag.
Dorian F, A Jewish Law School

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here!

My roommate this year is a pretty cool guy I have know him for a while and we have no issues, but his girlfriend on the other hand is a total b*tch. She never leaves even when he isn’t here, and she eats all the food regardless of who bought it. She also has a knack for hogging the TV and watching Charmed for hours on end usually to all hours of the night. Yesterday on the news I heard it was going to freeze overnight, so after they went to bed I went outside and threw buckets of water outside the door so it would leave a huge ice sheet. This morning I woke up to the most hellish screams ever, apparently when she walked out the door this morning she slipped and fell straight on her face. The best part is her front teeth are loose and might fall out. Maybe she will finally stop thinking she owns the apartment.

Sean Perrone, Sam Houston State

Hey Jessica you and your b*tchy girlfriends always used my stuff. You always used my towel and put it back. Remember one time you got poison ivy all over your body and you never figured out why? Well here’s why ho: I went behind our house where there’s a bunch of poison ivy and I rubbed it all over my towel ‘cause I knew you were gonna use it. Don’t ever use my sh*t again without my permission.
Adrianna Fox, North Central

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here!

You borrowed my 110$ diesel shirt, 65 bucks, and my favorite hoodie, and you still did not give it back. That’s fine, I used your id as collateral for about $1,200 worth of school a/v equipment, enjoy your next semester tuition bill.

P.J., School Not Given

Hey Cory, little did you know I read CollegeHumor. So you make me pay overdraft fees because you feel like being a douchebag, when you know full well that I pay my own tuition without scholarship? Well next time you leave your computer, don’t leave your personal bank’s website open and logged in. Don’t worry, I didn’t take much, just enough to pay back for the overdrafts… and a little extra for being a prick. My girlfriend and I will be having a fun time in Florida for Christmas break, thanks man!
Jake M, School Not Given

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here!

Freshman year, my roommate was such a mooch. At first, I totally didn’t mind because she wasn’t taking things very often. Then it was like she just stopped buying things for herself and using all of mine. Especially my shampoo. I asked if she was using my stuff, she said yes, and so I asked her nicely, SEVERAL TIMES, to stop. After a while, she just denied using my shampoo, even when it was evident that she was. (Her hair smelled like mine, she was wearing my perfume, and if I had to guess, my deodorant too.) So one day, I bought a brand new bottle of shampoo, only I added red dye and food coloring. Right before that hoe went to take a shower, I gave her one last warning, “Hoe, please don’t use my shampoo.” To that the hoe said, “OK”. B*tch went in Paris Hilton and came out Lindsey Lohan!
Alli T., Indiana University

You’re a great roommate, but for no reason at all I try to overdraft you by strategically cashing checks you give me when I think your account is lowest.
Cory, School Not Given

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here!

So you may be wondering about how I was able to pay for that brand new EA Sports NCAA Basketball 2009. Well your stupid ass leaves change all over the room, and you don’t notice when it goes missing. It isn’t missing, I am well aware of where it is going. In my drawer. Where it has accumulated over the last 2 months until it reached $61.31. Just enough for me to buy the new EA sports basketball game. What am I doing later tonight? Playing the game that you unbeknownst bought for me.
Keegan Rush, Guilford College

I used to live with this girl, a few weeks ago, that had parties all the time and drank every night and had a boyfriend in another state, while sleeping with 3 different guys here. She also flirted with my boyfriend every chance she got. When I moved out, she hid a bunch of my stuff in her room where I would leave it. The day before I moved out I put jalapeno Juice in the soda, ranch and Ketchup and also in her face soap. Did you ever wonder why your face started stinging when you wash it in the mornings? Maybe you can learn to get a job and pay your own rent instead of trying to get money from every one of your f*ck buddies.
Michelle Q., Texas

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here.

One night I got completely fed up with both of these girls so I took all their clothing out of their drawers and lined the bottom of the drawers with gravy. When they confronted me about the gravy I said I caught some random person in our room earlier and they were messing with your drawers, but I stopped them right as they were about to dump my clothes out of my drawers. The reason I strongly believe they are douche bags is because they loved cats like nobody’s business and it just got quite annoying to the point of insanity. They had my room decked out in everything cats; cat calendar, cat mouse pad, cat comforter, cat posters, cat pjs, cat dolls, and a HUGE CAT throw rug in the shape of a CATS head! Also what do you think they were for Halloween? Oh, ust let me you tell you. They were butterflies… haha jk they were flipping CATS!!!!!! Shoot me, I still have to live with them for two more quarters any suggestions?

Patricia Ortega, UCLA

No, you didn’t knock your phone into your fish bowls while you were sleeping – I tossed it in after you fell asleep, you dumb b*tch.
B. T., Some School in Georgia

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here.

You know how game shows have the play at home game where you can text in a number and it gives you a shot at winning money? Junior year my housemates and I conspired to trick our friend into thinking he won $250,000 on “Deal or No Deal.” Earlier in the week I called my brother and let him know that if I texted him between 8-9 PM, he should call our housemate and pretend that he won the grand prize. It took several days, but on Thursday, he guessed the correct briefcase. My brother called him three minutes later and told him the good news and to stand by for further instructions. My housemate started running around, screaming about how this was going to change his life. We almost felt bad when he started talking about all the stuff he was going to buy us. He was on the phone with his parents when the show returned announcing the real winner as Jane Doe from East Moosehead, Minnesota. My housemate dropped to his knees with a look of utter devastation on his face. We started laughing as he ran to his room to hide. He came out about 15 minutes later and said he couldn’t be mad because that was the best prank he had ever seen.
Nate Miller, Ithaca College

Billy, because you wouldn’t shower, we would febreeze you while you slept. Also, stop calling yourself Billy, your name is Bih-Chuan.
Phil C, Maryland

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here.

A few years ago I lived in a house with 3 great guys and one turd burglar. We got along well except for the one guy who did nothing but play video games on the only T.V. in the house and smoke, which wouldn’t have been a problem except that nobody else could ever use the common room. All the guys are pretty passive but were annoyed that they never got use of the room so the solution – clear nail polish. On one of the rare occasion he went to class I would coat the prongs of the plug for his Playstation with a thin layer of clear nail polish and let it dry then plug it in. The nail polish prevented the electrical connection and the Playstation wouldn’t work. He replaced it 3 times and the same thing happened each time. He never did figure it out but starting hanging out as his goon buddies house instead since their Playstations worked – problem solved.

Dave S., Ryerson

I met this girl named Amee the first week of freshman year. The first night I met over she came home with me and left an over-sized sweater that I started to wear and eventually kept. We saw each other for about 2 months and she seemed perfect. One weekend she went home to visit family. She didn’t tell me but I found out from her roommate that she’d gone home to see her ex-boyfriend. This sucked for me but I was getting straight down to business. She texted me all weekend saying she “misses me”, weak sauce. The night she came back I had her over like usual and acted regular. She was up at 3am and had to go to the floors washroom, as she often did. The washroom was just outside my room so she got up without changing. We were talking and she asked what she should be for Halloween. Not missing a beat, I said “Why don’t you go as a skank? I’ve got a sweater you could use.” I threw the sweater to her and closed my door. She knew exactly what just happened and got frostbitten while she walked home with nothing but that sweater on. November in Ottawa is a b*tch.
Paul Ley, University of Ottawa

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here!

I had a neighbor in the dorms who lived across the hall from me was real anal about everything. He was also a theater major and would rehearse all night and come home completely exhausted. I would sneak in through his unlocked window and move all of his furniture against his door and unscrew the light bulbs in his room. Since the doors opened outward he would open his door only to realize that I had to pull all of his furniture against the door. He would then throw a fit and have to move all the furniture out into the hallway piece by piece and then move it all back in just like he was moving in for the first time. He never figured out how I got into his room…

Shawn, St. Edwards University

My roommate is convinced he wets the bed every time he’s wasted, but I really pee on him every time he’s wasted.
Beau Dareell, Sewanee

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here!

There was an R.A. in my dorms who was a real prick; he gave out fines and pink-slips for everything that the rulebook had to offer – candles burning, incense, six pack plugs and extension cords, and of course alcohol. Eventually, we devised a plan to get this lilly livered, wanna-be airport security guard, back. My roommates were seriously midwestern and all of them chewed tobacco which I thought was absolutely disgusting; however, it had occurred to me that this disgusting habit had its advantages. We collected chew spit for two weeks and in total we had 3, two liter bottles of nothing but dirty, smelly, brown saliva. We took our small 5 gallon garbage can and filled it with all the spit that we had collected, and at about 3:30 that night we leaned the bucket against his door, which opened to the inside of the room. Nobody actually saw him open the door, but everyone for two floors in either direction heard it. We all piled out of our rooms in a hurry to see what the commotion was all about and saw his feet covered in chew spit. He cleaned it for 5 or 6 days to no avail, but he stayed off our backs in the meantime and thereafter. Every time I walked by his room and saw the dingy, stained carpet, I couldn’t help but laugh a little, then I would get that waft from his room that made the hairs on the inside of my nose BURN! The carpet got cleaned, but there was no incense or candle in the world that would cover the smell of stale spit soaked into his already decaying carpet. I am pretty sure that he never found out who did it, but we couldn’t be too far from his thoughts.

Kevin Picollo, University of Nevada – Reno

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here.

Jeff, I know you check this site out everyday. Stop eating my cupcakes, maybe my toenail clippings I put in them Tuesday will stop you. Cupcakes are expensive.

Aldo Mora, School Not Given

Last year I lived in an apartment building off campus and on our floor there were a lot of other college students. Most of them were pretty cool but there was this one chick that just got on everyone’s nerves. She was fat and so full of herself and got drunk with her fat friends and wandered the halls all the time. So one day while my friend and I were at a book store reading magazines we pulled out the little subscription cards from about 20 different magazines, filled them out to her address, and then checked “Bill me later”. Well, she ended up being responsible for every one of those subscriptions (which totaled somewhere around $700, last that I heard). Still, it never failed to make me laugh out loud when I came home to see her monthly copy of “Quilting now magazine” sitting by her door. Fat b*tch.
Liz, School Not Given

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here.

One of my roommates was a dumb redneck who never paid his rent, ate all my food, and brought back ugly and/or fat hoes that chilled at our place all the time. One day, I got a hold of some “magic mushrooms”. I made some pasta and offered him some. Of course, that cheap loser won’t ever turn it down. In his pasta, I added the ‘shrooms. Right after we ate, I gave him beer. While he wasn’t looking, I added some laxative to his beer. He drank the whole beer. About an hour later, this guy was freaking out. He would go into the bathroom and look at himself in the mirror and yell at himself. The funniest part came when he was tripping and he had the sh*ts. He was literally crying while he was talking a dump.
J Gritz, Western Illinois

You know how you asked me to feed your fish while you went away for the weekend? Well I completely forgot, and instead spent the weekend celebrating the fact that the RA (you) was away by smoking and throwing a ridiculous party in our apartment. I really didn’t think you were going to cry about a fish, or spend three hours on the phone with Petco because you thought he was sick.
Deliliah Cosgrove, School Not Given

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here!

I had a roommate my sophomore year who suffered from a mild case of OCD. At first it was cool, because he always cleaned and did my laundry (it bothered him if it got too high in the basket). We had a good system (which he willingly proposed); I paid for the beer every weekend and he cleaned all week. However, one day I read an IM he left up on his computer telling his friend how he got fed up with they way things were working, so he started putting little pieces of meat in my food when I was out of the room (I’m a vegetarian). In retaliation, once a week, I pissed in the ice trays he used daily. I later found out the meat thing was a one time deal, but the piss continued until I moved out at the end of the Spring semester. Sorry Ryan…but not really.

Chuck Smitty, Penn State

My roommate tried to kill himself in freshman year (he thought that he was this girls boyfriend but she told him no). After that he started a diary. It was cool because when he went to class, the neighbors and I made some popcorn and read it. Lets just say he “opened up” in his diary and wrote what he stole from the other dorm rooms. Lets just say he doesn’t have any friends from freshman year, and he had to get a new set of tires last day of school.
Chris Richardson, Bowling Green

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. This week I’m posting 10 awesome confessions because I’ve got so many good ones. Don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here.

Paulie, remember when your girlfriend told my girlfriend that I cheated on her? Remember how she broke up with me because of it, and hasn’t talked to me for a year? Remember how that same night at Murray’s party, your girlfriend passed out drunk on the couch at 2am? Remember how she woke up the next morning with her ponytail cut off, and her eyebrows shaved? Remember how pissed you were, and how embarrassed and angry she was? Yeah, that was me. Tell your b*tch to mind her own business.

Ryan Lyvar, Southern Connecticut State University

Remember when some a hole filled your shampoo bottle up with Baby oil which cause you to slip in the shower, breaking your jaw and forcing you to wear the retarded face brace? The ironic part was that a hole did it ‘cause you ate my god damn food and didn’t replace it. We aren’t all as rich as you, you piece of sh*t.
Ryan Jenkerson, Missouri State

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds to our new submission page!

Freshman year a couple friends and I pranked our other friend by putting fake blood all over his bed and around his bed and trying to convince him that his roommate’s girlfriend had had an explosive period all over his stuff. Joke turned out to be on her and his roommate, though, because his roommate was like,“That couldn’t have happened; she’s pregnant.”
Dave T, OSU

Remember sophomore year, when we lived together and you had that weird habit of taking naked pictures of yourself with your digital camera? Well, you were a total bitch so one night when you got trashed at a frat party, I made sure to conveniently forget I left your camera wedged between some couch cushions. Ever wonder why so many guys seem to recognize you these days? Those pictures got forwarded to all the brothers, pledges, etc. How’d you like your 15 minutes of fame?
Hannah Wilson, UT

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds to our new submission page!

My sophomore year roommate was an alright guy, we chose to live together and everything. But he didn’t really have a lot of friends other than me, so he would constantly follow me to lacrosse team parties and barbeques and just stand there not talking to anyone. Also, He constantly smelled like pipe tobacco because he would smoke in the room (and inhale!). I convinced him finally to rush a fraternity, which even though it had been something I had always been an avid opponent of, it seemed like a good fit for him. It worked out great for most of the semester because he was never in the room, and I could actually watch something besides Battlestar Galactica. On the night of his formal initiation or whatever, I came home at 3am with my current squeeze to find him with his suit pants around his ankles, swaying like a palm tree in a tropical storm, pissing all over my bed. I screamed his name but he was too obliterated to even process my voice. I suggested to my hussy that we should go to her place, and she of course obliged. The next day I went to the local head shop and bought 4x salvia. When my roommate was still asleep I mixed in the salvia with his pipe tobacco. He had never smoked salvia before. When he woke up finally morning I watched him smoke his pipe, and get the most horrified look on his face. I never told him he smoked salvia, and he dropped out of school because he thought he was insane.

Jeter Swallows, UConn

A friend of mine came to visit me with his then girlfriend in Europe for the summer, actually he was a good friend of mine that’s why I felt really bad about porking his girlfriend while he was passed out on my bathroom floor after a night of heavy drinking in Berlin. The next day was like nothing happened and the girlfriend seemed to not care at all, I think I could have porked her again, anyway to ease my conscience I told her I wanted to take my friend to the campus-center really quick to check out some summer German courses. I took him to the red light district of Berlin instead and payed for the lady of his choice. So… after by my logic we’re even, I didn’t tell him about me and his girlfriend though but my conscience was clear.
Johnny Grunge, Berlin

This week’s roommate confession is devoted entirely to freshman confessions, pranks and sins so pure and evil that I couldn’t squeeze it down to just 5, so it’s 10. That’s right! That’s like, two weeks of confessions wrapped into one cheesy gordita crunch. So check out the top 10 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

My freshman year I was at a party and there was a guy there who was wasted, loud, and obviously thought he wasn’t a douche bag. As it turns out, he was; so when he set down his beer I took it outside, dumped out 3/4 of it, and my roommate and I took turns peeing and ashing cigarettes into it until it was full again. I then set the beer back where he left it and watched as he drank the rest of his piss cocktail. Every time he got loud after that I told him that he was “Piss drunk” and he would laugh. I laughed too, but not with him.

Brandon Yuenger, GVSU

My freshman year I arrived at the dorm first and claimed the bottom bunk. My roommate was afraid to sleep on the top so he used an air mattress. He was also a total freak in innumerable other ways as evidenced by said air mattress… Anyway, I was sick of him after the first couple weeks of school and poked a hole in his mattress with a push pin while he was in class. It was a slow leak so he would end up on the floor every night after a few hours. He could never figure out why. I don’t feel bad.
Shimmy Annonymous, East Tennessee State University