• "Let's Play HardJournal."

     

    Dear Journal,

    A few weeks ago I was asked to perform at the first annual Nantucket Comedy Festival. As part of the festival they held a roast of the classic comedy duo Stiller & Meara. Now as you know journal, I've never been much of a roaster. Roast comedy is almost like it's own genre. People walk on stage and they're like, "Nice shirt, queer!" and everyone's like, "It's so true! His shirt does suck! I'm from Jersey!"

    I was stressed out about coming up with roast jokes, but I threw some together, walked on stage and said:

    "When I was asked to be part of the roast of my favorite comedy duo, I said, 'Of course, I'd do anything for Nichols and May.' But then he told me that it was actually Stiller & Meara but it's in Nantucket and we'll put you up at a fancy hotel and I said, 'Ok, well, maybe their son Ben will be there - I mean he used to make to good movies.'



  • Bro Band Conference

     

    Producer: Gentlemen, thank you for coming. We invited you all here today out of respect and admiration for your craft. Each of you have had multiple songs that were popular with the college aged demographic, the group we believe to be most important and influential. Specifically we brought you here to give us a few pointers on how to make a dynamic bro band. We want the chilliest band EVER. Like, literally, we want this band to induce weed-like trances just from one listen. OK, so let's start brainstorming. Just throw out anything you think might help. Jack, can you start?

    Jack Johnson: Well obviously it's going to be an acoustic rock band?

    Producer: Yes, yes of course.

    Ben Harper: That's good, but make sure there's a black guy in the band. Super chill.

    Producer: Oooh good idea. That will be mega chill.



    See More: Chill
  • Did you all collectively do a bunch of good deeds this week or something? Because supermodels are getting naked left and right and I can only assume its karma. So great work, everybody. In return, here are the exposed mammaries of Heidi Klum and Cindy Crawford. (Egotastic)

    Now that the gross boobs are out of the way (yuck!), lets get to the good stuff.

    Things are beginning to look up for Britney Spears - rumors are flying this week that Quentin Tarantino is looking to cast her in his next film. Said Britney Spears wearing a wig and a nametag that said 'Quntin Tarrintino': "Yes, that is 100% true." (IDLYITW)

    Everybody's favorite porn star Jenna Jameson announced this week that she's knocked up by ultimate Fighter Tito Ortitz. Her eggs must be so excited! Until now they've felt like the fat girls at a high school dance - sperm are always walking by but never ask them to dance. (IDLYITW)

    The Heath Ledger investigation was officially closed this week after 8 months of investigation. Guess what they concluded? Nothing! Our tax dollars at work, people. (WWTDD)

    Despite that, the Mary Kate Olsen connection just gets shadier and shadier. She was supposed to testify as the first person called about the death, but refused to do so without immunity, and then ended up not testifying at all. Really? If this was CSI: Miami, there would be some serious dramatic sunglass removal going on. (IDLYITW, DListed)



    See More: Celebrity Now
  • It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our new submission page!

    My roommate used to cheat on his girlfriend all first semester and steal from my bag of "broccoli". He ended up stealing my iPod so I stole his car keys which he had no replacement to. I told my suitemate so later that day we ended up tossing his car, room, house, and mailbox key into the ocean. Grand total replacement-850 dollars.
    Alex Fornaro, UMass Dartmouth





  • Guys look, we found a fog machine!
    Let me say right now, this movie is up against some steep competition. First of all, with The Dark Knight still in theaters and becoming more valuable by the day than many small, island countries, it's hard to consider going to see anything else. Secondly, this movie has some big shoes to fill in the 'weed comedy' department. Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke, Half Baked, Dazed and Confused, Harold & Kumar go to White Castle, and even Super Troopers (which is more of a cop humor movie, but still plays the weed element excellently) have all made lasting impressions on the big screen, and rank up pretty well on my personal list of favorite movies. Does Pineapple Express have what it takes to stand out as a solid weed movie?

    You better believe it.

    Now, I don't want you to confuse me with someone who tosses out good compliments at a movie just because it's "expected to be good". Aside from the majority of compliments received, I did receive a few death threats regarding my review for the much anticipated Hancock. So when a movie comes out starring and written by the funny Seth Rogen, produced and partially written by Judd Apatow as well as Evan Goldberg from Knocked Up and Superbad fame, is it expected to be good? Naturally, but as any 2007 Patriots fan can tell you, always remember that success is never automatically guaranteed by what you have on paper.



    See More: Movie Review


  • It's pretty much a scientific fact that everyone loves candy. And if you don't, you should probably go find your soul somewhere in your toilet. And whenever you walk by a candy store, you always get that urge to go in and buy everything. Also a scientific fact. The companies who make candy know that they have you by the balls and that you will buy whatever they make, so they sometimes just say "f*ck it" when a weird candy idea goes by them. Here are 5 of the weirdest I've seen.

    Jawbreakers

    These bad boys have been around for many, many years. But really, what are they good for? The only thing I've seen them good for are sore jaws and strange desires about your friends. And blowjob jokes. Lots of them. Also, the name itself doesn't sound like a candy at all. It sounds like a threat. "Eat this candy, kids, and it'll break your jaw. Go ahead. I dare you." And when those three magical words are uttered, gay jokes hurled at their kid is the least of the parents' worries.




    See More: Candy Lists

New Articles are posted here before they make it to the homepage. Check out the newest or look through the Hall of Fame to see the most popular content.

Get CH Articles delivered
Here's the direct RSS feed.

Behind-the-scenes pictures and more
Check out CollegeHumor's Facebook Fan Page.