CollegeHumor: Awful People Articles This Month

Typical People on the Train

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 13:19:53 -0400

Public transport. Many use it. Few people like to use it. Even fewer people would make love to the idea of taking the train. What is the main reason everyone hates it so much? Is it because it takes forever for it to get anywhere? Is it due to sporadic schedules or the disgusting state of everything? Those are all legitimate reasons to hate public transport but the one true reason that people, or at least why I hate it, is the people that use it. Honestly, if the train was empty, I wouldn't mind it at all. There are always those same characters on the train, the same people that in their own unique way, piss me off to the point where I would give them a spinning heel kick if I knew how to. Who are these individuals? Let's take a look:

1. The My-Sh*tty-Music-Is-Really-Loud-Kid. You know this kid pretty well. His earphones are bigger than his own head which are covering his long, dirty, greasy, faux-black hair. He's wearing that generic black hoodie with Metallica/Slayer/Iron Maiden/Anthrax on it just like you would expect. He's blasting his music like he needs to experience a concert while he's on the train. You know your music is loud when my music is playing in my earphones and I can hear your music. You know those signs on the train that say "be courteous to others, play your music at a respectable level"? Yeah that's just a roundabout way of saying, "turn that sh*t down, no one wants to hear what lame music you're listening to."

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1556870"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/f/4/collegehumor.db6fac5f37e84c978fab5f34c40b446b.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-24 13:19:53 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1556870">BawaHong</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:774"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 147 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Oh, The People I Meet II

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 12:07:54 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Hey, I'm guy who thinks you look like a friend of mine. Man, that is insane! You look just like this guy you've never met. Hey, hold on, I HAVE to get other people over here and point at your face like you're some sort of freak. Guys...hey guys! This guy looks JUST like that other guy! Now let me ask you if you get mistaken for my friend all the time? No? Oh...Oh, ok. I'm going to shield my disappointment by asking if I can take a picture with you. *Click* Man, that was the most fun I'll have all month. Oh, in case you were wondering, I'm going to be calling you my my friend's name all night! Isn't that funny?! Sometimes I'll even shout it across the room! God, I'm so observant.

Phew, hey man, it's me, sweaty dude. Yikes, can somebody open a window or something, I'm dying here. Yeah, I'm wearing a two shirts and a blazer, but still! I'm going to ask you if you're hot and when you say kind of, I'm going to use that to trick myself into thinking I'm not the sweaty guy but, in fact, just a normal human. Watch as I casually wipe my face on my shoulder. Betcha couldn't even tell I was wiping sweat from my face! Oh, you could? Anyway, let's talk about something else momentarily before returning to the topic of how sweaty I am. Times up. Jeez man, has the dude who lives here ever heard of a fan? Anyways, I'm going to make up an excuse to go somewhere and towel off but I'll be back later to complain.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/a/collegehumor.7d8b975affed1e53fc3e6afa6f0a2364.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-09-26 12:07:54 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239">Streeter Seidell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:271"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 94 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Oh, The People I Meet

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 00:38:41 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Hi, my name is not important because you will not remember me.� What you will remember is that instead of ordering a vodka tonic, I order a 'Grey Goose and tonic.'� You will also remember that my job involves doing something with money.� Even though i explained it for half an hour that is all you will retain.� You'll see me later talking to your girlfriend and when I make her laugh you'll get enraged.� Later, while you two are fighting, you'll accuse her of flirting with me and you'll be 100% correct.

Hi, I'm a girl whose name starts with an S.� You will remember that I have a boyfriend who I like to talk about while simultaneously hinting that I could be persuaded to cheat on him.� You'll remember that I went to a college somewhere near Chicago and that my grandparents have a summer house where you went for vacation one year.� You may or may not masturbate to me sometime in the future but your memory of me will be so hazy that in your sexual fantasies I will morph into your high school girlfriend, Ashley.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/a/collegehumor.7d8b975affed1e53fc3e6afa6f0a2364.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-07-29 00:38:41 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239">Streeter Seidell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:271"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 150 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />