CollegeHumor: Beach Articles This Month

CollegeHumor: Beach Articles This Month http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789803 The 7 People You'll Find at the Beach Thu, 13 Aug 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789803 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Ah, the beach. You know, no matter what beach you go to (or try to avoid) there are seven distinct kinds of people there, just like with roommates and professors. Who knew?!

The Lost Child

This little booger knows what's up. Instead of getting sunscreen-ed every 30 minutes by his ma, begging his old man to play catch with him in the water because he's not allowed to swim alone, and getting bitched out by his older sister for getting sand on her towel, he gracefully bows out. He doesn't even make a scene, he just quietly goes on a search for a better family to hang out with. As he wanders across the beach, kicking sand up until it forms a paste with his poorly rubbed-in sunscreen coat, he may look as though he's zoning out and unaware that he is getting farther and farther from his family, but make no mistake: this kid is on a mission. So when he hears his name called from the lifeguard stand, it takes a few minutes worth of frantic yelping by his mother who stole the megaphone, for him to wander back to his kin and get bombarded by tears and and more SPF 45. His escape will just have to wait till the next beach outing.

Camp Family

This gang comes just short of U-Hauling onto the beach for the day. They arrive at eleven, dragging coolers, chairs, tents and a boom box on the thrones that are their boogy boards. They are the living embodiment of a sporting goods store display window. Every member of this six-person family has brought two friends; the ideal amount for a 7-on-7 football game. Whoops, their nerf ball just hit a woman reading in a chair. This is where the Camp Family's peace keeping mantra first rings out across the sand: "My bad." This is the motto that is embossed below the Camp Family Shield. At noon, this army of enthusiasm makes a mad dash into the water, selfishly splashing those "working their way into the water." After a loud game of Marco Polo that involves leading "Marco" into an old man floating on a noodle, the team gets out for lunch. Oh, is the smoke from their elaborate grill system blowing into your face? "My bad."

Keep Reading

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2025732"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/c/collegehumor.cbd031968a247a9ae408c66c75d7150b.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-13 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2025732">Talia Pollock</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 170 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787085 Sex on the Beach Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787085 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
GIRL: But it's soooo romantic out here, isn't it?! I've always dreamt of making love on the beach!

GUY: Oh, okay, but isn't it kind of cold?

GIRL: That's what body heat is for, baby. Come on, let's take of your trunks.

GUY: Shouldn't we put down a towel first?

GIRL: No, no, we don't need a towel. Let's be one with the sea! Take off your trunks.

GUY: But...sand...everywh-- Why do you keep saying trunks?

GIRL: Shh...

GUY: Ouch! Shannon! That feels like your rubbing broken glass up and down my dick!

GIRL: Oh! Sorry! You were right. About the sand. It's all over my hands.

Keep Reading