CollegeHumor: Christopher Columbus Articles This Month http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1763360 Columbus: The Planning Stages Mon, 13 Oct 2008 20:33:57 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1763360 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Not pictured: slaves

From the Desk of Christopher Columbus

June, 1485-

Problem: Meat tastes pretty bad here. Friends agree. All the good spices are to be had in the East Indies, but the land route? Just awful. If only there were some other way...

Solution: Build a giant drill and bore through the center of the planet.

Materials:
1x Giant Smelting Pit
1x Casting Mold (Giant Drill-sized)
400 tons of yet-undiscovered miracle ore (meteorites?)
Slaves (many)

Procedure:
1)    Have slaves construct drill. Order them around, occasionally whipping them a bit to impress nearby ladies.
2)    Drill through easy-going European country (Holland).
3)    Emerge in East Indies spice market.
4)    Become rich.

Benefits:
1) Two points (straight line)
2) May discover lush subterranean utopia populated by a friendly and peaceful race of potential new slaves.

Drawbacks:
1)    Current slaves may escape into subterranean utopia.
2)    May get dirty.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1747720"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/b/collegehumor.688014cc4e3f51335e8cf30b65685d54.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-10-13 20:33:57 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1747720">Owen Parsons</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 87 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1738058 The Diary of Christopher Columbus Wed, 08 Aug 2007 17:29:10 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1738058 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/a/collegehumor.7d8b975affed1e53fc3e6afa6f0a2364.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-08-08 17:29:10 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239">Streeter Seidell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:271"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 86 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />