CollegeHumor: College Articles This Month http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794625 3 Easy Ways to Slim Down in College Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794625 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Just because you're big, doesn't mean you have to stay that way.  Just follow these three easy steps and you'll be trim as a Freshman in no time!

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/a/collegehumor.7d8b975affed1e53fc3e6afa6f0a2364.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-19 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239">Streeter Seidell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:271"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 282 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794046 Collegiate Winter Preparations Mon, 09 Nov 2009 12:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794046 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> It may only be the beginning of November, but before you know it there will be snow on the ground and you'll be staring head-on into the barren wasteland of winter.  Take action now, before it's too late!

  • Develop a solid layer of fat to protect yourself from the cold: odds are you've already gotten a head-start on this one thanks to your campus dining center and drunken late-night pizza binges.  While your unsightly rolls of fat may lead you to believe that you are less than attractive to members of the opposite sex, which you definitely are, you can hide your disgusting and well-insulated body in layers of sweat pants and hoodies.
  • Find a ride home for Thanksgiving/Christmas: now is the time to reconnect with your annoying high school friend with a car who goes to your school.  Sure, the kid was annoying as hell and always wanted to tag along with you during Welcome Week, but his beat up Saturn is better than sitting next to a possible prison-escapee on a Greyhound.
  • Re-establish contact with your high school ex-girlfriend: now is the time for several well-placed facebook messages about wanting to catch up (i.e. hook-up) over break.  The endless parade of drunk co-eds comes to a grinding halt the second you step foot into your childhood room, so make sure that you mend the fences that resulted from breaking up with her a week before you both left for school.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:93700"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.3086e790ff5c235cb82033b3c27faf0c.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-09 12:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:93700">Shawn Dobbins</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:169"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 13 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793014 College Obituaries Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793014 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1657072"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/8/collegehumor.06098b8bb7a6234c386249d817f7bddb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-22 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1657072">Conor McKeon</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:529"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 276 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793260 Don't Die in College Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793260 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1773734"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/7/collegehumor.57b9b2d3278865fd9ffeb557d998b3c0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-20 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1773734">Pat Keegan</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 17 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792434 Honest College Catalog Mon, 19 Oct 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792434 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1657072"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/8/collegehumor.06098b8bb7a6234c386249d817f7bddb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-19 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1657072">Conor McKeon</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:529"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 251 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792945 What These 5 Club Fair Posters Should Really Say Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:30:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792945 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Signing up for a club this semester? Make sure you know what you're really joining. Roll-over these Club Fair posters to see what's really going on.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1923137"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/e/collegehumor.6f58c00dbbe720bed76d4a9ef3189fa3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-15 17:30:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1923137">Owen and Ben</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 570 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792365 Top 5 Tattoos Freshmen Will Want To Get - But Really Shouldn't Thu, 08 Oct 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792365 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Ahh...freshmen. You can be approximately ten miles from home, living in a cinder-block, jail cell "dorm" and you will still think you are the coolest thing to grace each and every sh*tty house party. Two years ago, you were still taking the bus to school and rocking a Jansport. But your newfound independence will make you think you should get a tattoo. Common sense says you shouldn't. Here are the top five tattoos you will want to get your freshman year, but just - no. Don't.


5. The Rite of Passage Tat
We get it, you're 18. You don't need to permanently engrave "Mom," random Chinese characters, or some sort of butterfly tramp stamp on your body to prove that. There are many ways to mark your ascension to adulthood. Try...voting!





4. The Hipster/Emo Tat
You have a lot of feelings. And sometimes, you can't contain them all in your moleskine journals, so you string an emo poem on your arm with the lingering stench of your Jr. High goth days. I'm not saying you won't still feel those emotions when you're a suburban bank teller, but the story will only be embarrassing over TGIFriday's appe-teasers with coworkers. And for the hipsters out there: an ironic rose is a rose is still a trashy rose.


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2137237"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/a/collegehumor.5acc24905249c461d51032da3fb7ee6a.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-08 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2137237">Emily</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 134 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792333 A College Odyssey Wed, 07 Oct 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792333 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/7/collegehumor.1a8d4bdd12eb35c73182c827b94ab675.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-07 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495">Chase Mitchell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:7"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 57 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792362 Sexual Favor Fail Fri, 02 Oct 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792362 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:293"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.2500d10d3b58683f1224355d5ee015c3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-02 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:293">Sarah Schneider</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1120"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1377 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792186 Frat Merger Tue, 29 Sep 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792186 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
CLASSIC MOOSE!
Jack: Alright you guys, listen up.

Gasinator: Pfffbbbbb! Ugh. Who beefed?

Jack: Not now, Gasinator, this is important. As you guys know, these are difficult times. Party attendance has declined steadily since the release of the Wii, and the current economic climate isn't helping. Our last Golf Pros and Tennis Hos party only brought in $23, and Moose accidentally bought a giant sandwich with it.

Squiggy: CLASSIC MOOSE!

Jack: The bottom line is that we no longer have the money to continue as a fraternity, which is why we're merging with Lambda Nu.

Burly: Lambda Nu? We hate those assholes.

Gasinator: Pfffbbbbb! Oh man. Someone just ripped ass.

Markowitz: Chill out, Burly. Those are our brothers you're talking about. We're all one big frat now. The biggest frat on campus, right? This could be great.

Jack: Not exactly. We're going to have to let a lot of you go.

The Omega Chi's shift uncomfortably.

Jack: Old Mike, you've been with Omega Chi for nine years, deftly avoiding graduation time and time again.

Old Mike smiles proudly.

Jack: But the Lambda Nu's have a guy that's been here for 13 years. I'm sorry. You're being replaced by Old Steve.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:631494"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/d/collegehumor.aefefba05adec0eb158d18dd8d36a1b2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-09-29 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:631494">Kevin Corrigan</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:344"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 136 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792002 College-O-Vision Fri, 25 Sep 2009 17:37:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792002 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/7/collegehumor.34fb0a748e9767bd8891bea7cfb6f87d.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-09-25 17:37:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873">Jason Michaels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1146"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 592 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1791915 Quad Breakdown Thu, 24 Sep 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1791915 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
See the key after the jump...
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:293"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.2500d10d3b58683f1224355d5ee015c3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-09-24 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:293">Sarah Schneider</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1120"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 238 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790682 5 Freshmen Smells That Will Stay With You Forever Mon, 07 Sep 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790682 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> You know how they say that smell is the best sense to bring back memories? Here are five wonderful fragrances that are guaranteed to forever remind you of that precious freshman year:


1. WEED
Obvious, yes. But hey man, even if you're totally straight edge there's still no escaping the pungent aroma of pot the first time you live in student accommodation. It's a time of experimentation. If you're not smoking it, chances are your roommate will light up from time to time, not to mention the number of bongs at a freshmen party. Also, the aroma often emanates from the room of that guy down the hall who looks older than everyone else, never goes to class and has a pretty sweet ride.



2. MOLD
Of course this will take a little while to really become a mainstay smell, but the beauty of the mold scent is its omnipresence. You'll find it in the sink where your dishes have never been washed, as well as your refrigerator where there are so many expired products you can't really tell what they are anymore. And in your bedroom where you never cleaned that spilled beer from the carpet, not to mention the one set of sheets that get put through the laundry at most about once a month. Yeah after a while everything will become sorta funky.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1772193"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/c/collegehumor.53f30e3e598427bf9fbc9abc0c5987a6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-09-07 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1772193">Jennifer Morris</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 28 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790878 Door Decorations: A Guide to Your RA Wed, 02 Sep 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790878 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

The Stickler: You've been assigned to freshman hall 2C, and what better way to celebrate the fact that 'C' and 'sea' sound the same than with a charming, pun-based ocean theme. Cute, right? WRONG. Not only has your RA used a college hall pun so tired it makes Benicio Del Toro look alert, but your entire dorm looks like Finding Nemo barfed on it. On top of that, those octopuses were cut individually by hand, which means hours upon hours of meticulous scissorwork. Dedication like that can only come from the most hardcore of RAs.

What You Can Get Away With: Nothing. Like the marine animals covering your door, your RA's senses are so heightened that she can sense an illegal hot plate from five rooms over. Her favorite citation to deliver is a noise violation, so unless you can convincingly argue that you and your friends were attempting to recreate the sounds of orcas during mating season, you might as well just throw those speakers away.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:293"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.2500d10d3b58683f1224355d5ee015c3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-09-02 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:293">Sarah Schneider</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1120"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 283 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789348 Facebook Warning Signs: A Guide for New Roommates Mon, 31 Aug 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789348 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2025732"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/c/collegehumor.cbd031968a247a9ae408c66c75d7150b.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-31 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2025732">Talia Pollock</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 334 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788188 Bro Doctor Tue, 21 Jul 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788188 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Doctor: Sweet, bro. Your throat and ears are chill. You wanna go ahead and hop off the table, or some sh*t?

Patient: Uhh...sure.

Doctor: Tits. Alright, now I'm gonna need you to drop your pants. No homo.

Patient: *Removes pants*

Doctor: Just a quick F-Y-I; not gay, just gotta grab your sack to check for hernia.

Patient: Right.

Doctor: Aw, gross dude!

Patient: Doctor, if you could be a little more profess-

Doctor: HAHA! Yo, it's hairy as sh*t. Like if you stuck gum on a gorilla.

Patient: I'm feeling very uncomfort-

Doctor: YO, YOU'RE GETTING A BONER. WHAT THE F*CK DUDE!? WHAT ARE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING?
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/a/collegehumor.3fc86fae9d1470ed6013e7fafc3e1807.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-21 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824">Brian Murphy</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 411 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788717 The 7 Professors You'll Have in College Fri, 24 Jul 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788717 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
It's almost time to go back to schoool and for freshmen that means taking your first college courses.  Just like roommates, professors break down into 7 distinct types.
 


Old Tenure

There are two ways the old professor can go. If you're lucky, you'll get the older professor whose rickety, liver-spotted hands have been grading papers since before perforated edges were invented and who is just waiting another year or two to retire. His assignments are brief and he's convinced that the class is 25 minutes shorter than it really is. You would love him if he weren't so repulsive. Sadly, the odds are greater that you'll be stuck with the other type of old professor, the one who intends to keep teaching in spite of his age. The only time-wasting tangents he'll ever get into is how everything has gone to sh*t in this modern age, and how students don't care at all. He will give you a 30 minute lecture on how dangerous Spell Check is and how type writers are much more efficient. But no matter what type of old professor you end up with, there's always the super high chance he'll die mid semester and then you get an automatic A, right? Right?


The Hottie

Sometimes God loves you in a very special way, and as a reward for reading nine hundred pages of Shakespeare, he'll send you the hottest professor you've ever seen. All your life you thought tweed was for dying englishmen, but then she walks in looking like she just came from a foxhunt sposored by Victoria's Secret. Every article of clothing on her body seems custom made to hug all her curves and keep you from learning a single thing. How are you supposed to focus on the subtle ironies within the supporting cast of Candide when you're busy trying to pop a button off of a blouse with your mind? That's assuming you'd actually have a chance, which you don't. She is already dating an equally good-looking man who's written two books and has a collection of tribal masks in his billiard room; the closest you'll ever get is going home and finding a website where the porn stars wear glasses.


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-24 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 283 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788267 The 7 Kinds of Roommates Fri, 17 Jul 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788267 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Roommates are horrible.  See?  But they're also easily slotted into one of seven different kinds.  Try to figure out which one your roommate is!

The Toddler

It might start off simply- "Oh, I lost my key", or "Hey, could I print this out on your computer?"  but the dependency has only begun.  Pretty soon he's asking you which shirt looks better with these khakis as you fill out the complicated parts of his FAFSA application. Of course, all of this is just child's play compared to weekends.  Even the most prolonged use of your toothpaste has nothing on what happens when this enormous preschooler gets a hold of a bottle of booze.  You spend most weekend nights fielding calls from a guy named J-Rock telling you that no one can get him out of the sycamore outside Sigma Nu. When you finally drag him home at 4:15 AM, you'll be rewarded with a bonus round of projectile vomiting brought to you by his accidental alcohol poisoning. It's a good thing his mom left a laminated sheet of emergency numbers glued to your tack board!


The Mascot

Hopefully you like your school's colors, because before you moved in, your roommate and his parents came early and repainted your room. Your spirited roommate has no standards for people other than the fact that they go to your school. Thus the glaring douchiness of a person doesn't matter to him as long as they are coincidentally chosen and enrolled in your class. Whenever you wear a red shirt, your roommate boos you and says, "F*ck the Wildcats," at which point you try to explain to them that red is not wolverines, it's a color. Eventually he will decide to run for student government and your front door will be plastered with campaign posters. He considers his running for office the biggest moment of your life, and never allows you to fall asleep as he explains to you all the bright new ideas he has about fresh produce in the cafeteria and a sure fire plan that will get the Guster to perform in the stadium. You won't vote for him, but he will still win the election and you will be stuck eating healthier school lunches and pretending to like Guster. 
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-17 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 358 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1786705 The Keg Twitter Feed Mon, 29 Jun 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1786705 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:127902"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/c/collegehumor.5d9fd1d0587e03f3109216ec2d05ec20.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-06-29 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:127902">Alex Schmidt</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 31 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1777811 Guide to Campus Church Groups Wed, 17 Jun 2009 13:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1777811 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2047881"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/7/b/collegehumor.4537c43749687f37fcbda9fbb1a7c541.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-06-17 13:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2047881">James Embry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:150"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 23 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />