One day after going to the gym I went to my friend's house and a girl suggested to me via text that she give me a ride home. I never had time to shower. Before she dropped me off, we were making out in her car and she started licking my neck. When she came back up to my mouth, all I could taste was the salt from my sweat. She hasn't talked to me since.
-Stuart, UT

My girlfriend and I were watching a college basketball game a few weeks ago. The announcer says "there are 2 minutes left in the first half." My girlfriend turns to me and asks "How many halves are there in a college basketball game?" She is no longer my girlfriend.
-James, PA

The summer before sophomore year of high school I had a boyfriend who I hadn't really done anything with. When it came time for us to kiss, he leaned in and literally sucked the skin around my mouth and stuck his tongue down my throat for minutes on end. Again and again. I went home at 7:30 because I "don't want to wake my parents up".
-Luisa

I go to a Christian College. I met a girl from the local State school and invited her over to watch a movie. I told her to pick the movie so she rented "The strangers" because it was close to Halloween. She got mad when she got to my dorm and realized that we had to watch the movie in our dorm lobby because our dorm rules only allow girls in our rooms from 6-9 P.M. once every 3 weeks. It got worse because I told her rated R movies are banned on campus. About 25 minutes into the movie the dorm manager noticed we were watching an R-rated movie, turned it off, and kicked the girl out. It's safe to say that any chance with her is gone, she hasn't answered any of my calls and I am transferring ASAP.
-Dustin, Lincoln Christian College

When I was in 8th grade, I started getting these weird phone calls and messages from this girl at a rival high school. I thought it was weird, but decided to roll with it because I hadn't exactly been the luckiest stud on the block. She started leaving really graphic messages about what she wanted to do to me, so I decided to call her back. It was at this point she told me it was all an elaborate prank that her and her best friend had come up with after drinking 2 Mike's Hard Lemonade's a piece. Mike's. Hard. Lemonade.
-Alex

My girlfriend hated Transformers 2 because there was "too much" robot fighting.
-Anonymous

My GF of six years dumped me the week of finals, seven days before I graduated college. She said she, "wanted time to be single and trust her own decision making." Six months later, she was engaged, pregnant and enlisted in the army.
-Rich

This August while sleeping on an air mattress on vacation, my girlfriend pissed herself, and because I'm heavier than her, it all came down and pooled around me. I woke up shivering, soaked in my girlfriend's piss.
-Drew, Wayne State

I once bought my (ex)girlfriend flowers for no reason. Immediately after I gave them to her my roommate came home and we started talking about what he was doing for his girlfriend for thier anniversary. With the flowers still in her hand she turned to me and said "Why don't you ever do things like that for me?"
-Will

I was a 19 year old college freshman dating another 19 year old college freshman. We stopped in at a Dunkin' Donuts that he frequented. Upon walking up to the counter, the cashier said, "Oh hi, Chris! Is this your mom?"
-Hillari

My significant other of a year and a half cried hysterically for an hour and swore to never talk to me again because I jokingly said I was more attractive then her.
-Nick

My ex-girlfriend's favorite band was Nickelback...
-Dan, UTK.

I went with my (now ex) girlfriend to a Coinstar machine. It's one of those things where you dump in coins and it gives you a check for the amount so you don't have to count them out and roll them. On the side of the machine it says that the fee is 9 cents for every dollar of coins you put in. I commented how that was a rip off. She replied word for word. "Yeah. 9 cents for every dollar, that's like twenty percent!" She's trying to get into grad school....
-Paul, BSU

My Girlfriend was watching Saturday Night Live online and stopped it to ask me "When does SNL come out on T.V?"
-Anonymous

I was casually dating a guy at the end of my senior year of college. He was planning on transferring to a school about two and a half hours away from my future grad school. We came to the mature, adult decision to not expect the relationship to go much further, because he did not want to commit to a long-distance relationship. The next morning, his Facebook status has changed to "In a Relationship" with another girl. Their schools are seven hours apart.
-Steph

My girlfriend stopped in a middle of a make out session to complain about how we didn't make out anymore.
-Dan

A few months ago I got called by a potential lady friend of mine that wanted to watch zombie movies. Later that night she got mad at me because we actually watched zombie movies.
-Jacob, Eastern Illinois University

When I was twelve my friend convinced me that I should ask out a girl I liked. I called her and asked if she wanted to be my girlfriend. She said yes, I said cool, and just like that we were dating. The very next morning when I got to school someone pointed and laughed at me for having a girlfriend. I immediately went to her locker and broke up with her. We didn't talk until senior year when she was assigned as my lab partner.
-Jon

I met a guy and we talked on the phone that night for 4 hours. The next day we went on our first date. Later that night, I logged onto Facebook to find a relationship request from him.
-Ashleigh, Maine

I tagged along with my older sister and her college boyfriend to a job interview at a local pub. She's filling out the application form bragging that the manager thinks she is hot and so she's sure she's going to get hired. I glance over at the application and in the section that says "In case of emergency please call" she'd written "911".  She didn't get the job.
-Sarah

During 6th grade year I asked some girl if we could go out during the last period of school, she said yes. After the period ended and I was on my way to my school bus her friend came up to me and told me that she had broken up with me. I cried the entire bus ride home.
-Ewout, Kegweed Community College

I was dating this girl from Long Island and she was telling me how it should be separate from upstate New York. She went on to say, "Yeah, Long Island should be the 52nd state." I looked at her with a face of disappointment and asked her, "Wait, what is the 51st state?" She looked at me confused and said, "Please tell me you are kidding, you can't be that dumb."
-Steve

I had to have jaw surgery when I was 21, so I had braces at 22. When I asked a girl in my short story class out, she asked me how old I was.
-Matt

Back in senior year of high school I asked a girl out , the first time I was able to work up the nerve, on a date. she said yes and I was the happiest I had ever been, 2 days later I called her back and asked her if she wanted to go out on Monday night (we had Tuesday off for election day). She said she would've loved to but she had to go visit her boyfriend at college.
-Jeremy NY

My girlfriend asked me the other day if the sun and the moon were the same thing. I gave her a blank stare and said "well we've landed on the moon." She replied, "No we didn't...We landed on Mars." She is studying to become an anesthesiologist.
-John, UWEC

I once got into a fight with my girlfriend while listening to Weird Al's "Dare to Be Stupid" album. There's nothing more surreal than yelling at someone while "Girls Just Want to Have Lunch" plays in the background.
-Travis

My girlfriend of 2 years and I were having another fight about my lack of commitment. She said all she needed was a promise ring and she would be happy. So I took off my class ring, got down on one knee and slipped the ring on her finger and said, "I promise...that if you keep bugging me about this, this will be the last ring I ever put on your finger." I am currently single.
-Mike

My girlfriend sent me the following e-mail early on - and halfway through - our relationship: "I never realized some things were important to me until we started dating. I know that if something is important to me, I should never think it is stupid. That being said, I would like to explain my thing about movies. I don't care for watching movies I have never seen before. I have a collection of comfort movies I have seen many times that I will watch. I realize this may sound strange to you, but as you know, I am a strange individual." Seriously. I never want to see Elizabethtown or Meet The Fockers ever again.
-Michael, Vancouver BC

One year for Christmas my (ex) boyfriend gave me "Snakes on a Plane" as a present. And nothing else.
-Meg, NCSU

Every girlfriend I have ever had has asked, "Am I your first girlfriend?" When I answer no, they all give me that "what a bunch of bullsh*t" laugh. Am I really that pathetic?
-Cameron

I met my girlfriend at the very start of freshman year, and we dating all the way through. Over the summer, her parents made her go to Korea, for pretty much the whole summer. Because when she got back it would be around our 1 year anniversary. I spent $250 on Rosetta Stone to learn Korean for her. Spent the summer doing that. I also spent $300 on Phantom of the Opera tickets. She got back, three days later, broke up with me over a text message. Now I'm single, I can speak Korean, and have an extra front row ticket to Phantom of the Opera.
-Justin, NYU

My wife of less than a month just got mad at me b/c my sim in Sims 3 has a girlfriend who is not her. Never mind the fact, her sim has 3 boyfriends and an illegitimate child.
-Ev

My ex-girlfriend in high school left me for a guy that does melee and wears a kilt.
-Donn

A couple years ago I was on a blind date with this lawyer my mother and her friend made me go out with. After being seated at the restaurant, he told me he wants to marry someone as accomplished as his sister, explaining "She can cook and clean as well as my mother."
-Dina, New York

I dated a girl for three and a half years before she decided to tell me that she was a lesbian. I guess I should have noticed some of the tell-tale signs. She rode a motorcycle. She got a tattoo saying "I love you, always forever" for a childhood friend who was female. And she had a fairly short haircut. I guess I'm just an idiot.
-Tom, UGA

For our one year anniversary, I planned to take my girlfriend to a place overlooking the beach and watch the sun set. Extremely romantic stuff, I know. She decides to scrap my plans and take me along with her while she shops.
-Tim

A couple years ago when I was dating my ex, he told me he didn't believe in medication and that I shouldn't be on it. I'm bipolar. So when I went off it I had a total breakdown, and crying over the phone, I told him, "This is who I am. Do you still love me?" He was real quiet for a moment, then: "I think you should get back on your medication."
-Anonymous

I was dating a girl on and off for several months. It was the anniversary of our first kiss, and I mentioned it to her. She responded with, "Why do you remember that?" and then called me a creep.
-Jason, UNR

You know the song "Hey There Delilah" by the Plain White T's? It's about a guy telling his girlfriend that they can make a long distance relationship work. I used to think it was a cool and cute song. Of course this was before it awkwardly came on the radio right after explaining that I didn't want to date her anymore because long distance relationships don't work.
-Tristan, U of MN

Awhile ago my boyfriend told me his Facebook password after we had been dating for a year because he, "completely trusted" me...of course, he then asked me for mine so I gave it to him. Later, because he trusted me so much, he looked up message threads I had from over three years ago and yelled at me for being a slut.
-Jane, UIUC

I had a first date back in high school with this guy who was a friend of a friend. He wanted to hang out at his house, so he picked me up and we started driving there. Halfway there he gets a call from his parents, and starts freaking out. He said his parents were home and wouldn't be cool with him having a girl there. His solution was to drop me off in the woods near his house to wait while he went back and waited until they were gone. I waited for about an hour, in the rain, while cars stopped every 20 minutes to ask if I needed help. I finally saw his car coming and figured his parents had left. Nope...he had come to bring me his PSP to play with because he had to go back and wait another hour for them to leave. I ended up walking home after that and never talked to him again.
-Melissa

I took this girl out, I think it was a Friday night. So I just decided to wear cologne. You know, to get the feeling right. So we started making out and she proceeded to take off my pants and that's when I turned on my TV. I think it was about that time that she just walked away from me.
-Will Allen, Toronto ON

Freshman year of high school, after dating a girl for a couple months I was ready to lose the big V. I invite my lady over, set the mood by putting on a R&B station on the radio and start the evening by going "downtown" after servicing her for a bit we got down to the nitty gritty. Three pumps later i was done and in the following awkward silence the song "I don't want a 1 minute man" by Missy Elliot...
-Daniel

Junior year of high school I was dating this one girl whom I really liked and got along with really well. We dated for about 8 months when one day out of the blue, she dumps me. I had been completely unaware of the reason for quite some time until she finally let me know she thought our relationship had been "too physical." Not only had we not had sex, we hadn't done anything beyond kissing.
-Joseph, MI

When I was in middle school, a girl gave me a note during lunch that said, "Will you go out with me? Circle one. Yes. No. Maybe." I really had no interest in her and she was kind of ugly as were all the future girlfriends I would have from that point on. Nervous and scared, I circled "maybe" but she assumed that was still a yes, so we exchanged numbers and decided to meet at the park after school. I arrived about 30 minutes late and by that time, she had pretty much lost interest in me. A few years passed and the short lived relationship had been long forgotten half way through high school until, this fully developed hot chick that was once ugly randomly walked up to me and said, "You're that kid with the hot brother!". Bitch.
-Sean

I lost my virginity to some random chick I brought home from the bar the night I shaved my beard into a soul patch because I lost a bet to my roommate.
-Matt

When I was in high school I was over at my girlfriend's house and we were cooking dinner for her parents. They weren't home and we couldn't find a certain seasoning so we were looking through all the cupboards. On the top shelf we found a bottle of Extenze. I said just to let it go but she brought it up at dinner and totally emasculated her dad in front of everyone including his daughter's boyfriend. So in his embarrassment he looks at me and says, "go ahead and take them, they don't work."
-Nick G., Purdue

In my junior year of high school, instead of telling me she didn't want to date any more (we'd been on and off for a bit), my girlfriend told our principals I was suicidal and had threatened to kill myself if she didn't date me again. So I spent all of that day in the counselor's office and I couldn't leave school until my parents got off work to pick me up because "I was a threat to myself." My parents were balling their eyes out because they thought I needed help and almost had me going to a psychologist until I convinced my dad she was lying. It was kind of funny after all that trauma she caused me to have because she was the one that hid razors and pills in her room.
-Steve

When I took my ex-girlfriend off my top friends on myspace, she started a fight that resulted in her threatening to commit suicide.
-Dan, Cleveland State

I was dating a girl in my senior year of high school, and she came over at night and we ended up watching a movie. I was on some medication for some pesky acne that thinned my blood and made my skin very brittle. Needless to say, not a whole lot of movie was watched. We were making out, quite hot and heavy, and I was on top of her, when I felt something wet around my cheek/mouth area. When I pulled away to see what was the matter, I saw that most of her entire face was covered in blood, and both of my nostrils were streaming. She said that she thought the wetness was because I just had a lot of snot.
-CJ

My now ex-gf canceled on a double date a 1/2 hour before we were supposed to go out. I had to call my friend as he was already on his way over to my house and tell him he was on his own for dinner now. Then she broke up with me that night saying she wasn't ready for a relationship. She called me the next day and asked me to buy her booze.
-BMB

I never appreciated the song centerfold until i stumbled across a picture of my ex-girlfriend naked on the internet.
-Brett Y.

A girl once called me 82 times in one night. You think she would have figured it out once I didn't pick up the first time. We weren't dating.
-Bill, Bowling Green