CollegeHumor: Dear Diary Articles This Month http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1778083 Diary of a Charmander Thu, 18 Jun 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1778083 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Thought dorm living was cramped?  Try living in a Pokeball.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2034939"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/3/collegehumor.129b6e6e08ab989336b664f3245d3068.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-06-18 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2034939">Brad Einstein</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 796 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758140 Diary of a College Realtor Fri, 27 Jun 2008 15:53:40 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758140 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> May 3, 2008

College kids totally getting out of school soon and are gonna be bangin' down my door for September apartments. Its honestly like shooting fish in a barrel, I cant even contain myself! Put the company logo on the side of my Jeep Cherokee today, BOO YAH!

May 21, 2008

Showed that dump on N. Margin Street today, the idiots are gonna take it! Totes didnt see the dead rat behind the sink. Glad they didnt run the shower and notice that motor oil actually comes out. Sick roof deck tho!

June 5, 2008

Bought a dope ass holder for my cell phone that goes on my belt, automatic panty dropper. Sold the 3-bed on Salem Street, got a full fee plus dinner out of those suckers, they'll be evicted by October. Score one for the bad guys!

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1672207"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/1/collegehumor.f89f8de4b89719afcfdb64d1556bbe2e.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-06-27 15:53:40 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1672207">Matt Moretti</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:721"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 19 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754576 Pre-Med Internship at the Videogame Hospital Mon, 05 May 2008 09:55:56 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754576 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.5265cbed7be39708f3297ab377c1806a.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-05 09:55:56 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 259 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753192 Campus Security Diaries Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:37:21 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753192 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:43301"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/b/collegehumor.df18034e9c8a415b8853e7bb8e9bd7f2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-15 21:37:21 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:43301">Adam Hrabik</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:569"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 358 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1752473 College Girl's Diary as Imagined by Me Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:45:31 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1752473 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:326"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/9/collegehumor.45397a4c6c8241522ef776b95348cf0f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-04 16:45:31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:326">Jeff Rosenberg</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 665 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750280 The Memoirs of Buckethead Mon, 25 Feb 2008 13:58:34 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1750280 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Few musicians personify the insanity of rock n' roll better than Guns N' Roses' masked guitarist, known simply as "Buckethead." Yet the following excerpts from the reclusive musician's memoirs paint a portrait of an artist very different from the man known best for wearing a KFC container on his head.

Ah, dear Journal! It is to you I run once again as my musical purgatory continues. What torment I am in! Each night, forced to perform like some minstrel before a stadium of utter morons. I am Prometheus, and the audience the dreaded vulture waiting to tear out my liver as I arrive in Nassau, in Scranton, in Sacramento, to lend my talents to the pandering songs of some bandana-wearing American hayseed.

If only they knew, dear Journal! If only they knew what mad, glorious genius brewed beneath this upturned bucket of KFC. For what once contained a dozen pieces of Colonel Sander's extra crispy now contains glorious symphonies, Baroque concertos, Italian operas of such beauty that Zeus himself would shed a tear. And all of them, unheard! Unappreciated! Pushed aside so the brainless philistines of rural New Jersey can hear their precious "Sweet Child o' Mine."
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/b/collegehumor.bf47a312f8c3b3d327c1333b4268bdca.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-02-25 13:58:34 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226">Patrick Cassels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:857"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 42 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754657 Diary of One of the Wagon Party Members From Oregon Trail Tue, 06 May 2008 02:31:57 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754657 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> May 1st, 1866

Independence, Missouri. Beautiful town, situated right between Harsh Dictatorship, MO and Dependence, MO (I wonder if one ever were to ever say something in the realm of "I will meet you in Dependence," would it lead to utter confusion? Ha! Thoughts such as these tickle my funny bone and will no doubt get me through the harsh fordings and pace-adjusting adventures that lie ahead!). This is where myself and my party of fellow manifest destiny-believing compatriots (Obadiah, Joanna, and Marvin) will begin our epic journey across the treacherous Oregon territory. There are several other parties making the trip as well, including a wealthy banker and a proud doctor. I have been recruited by a schoolteacher with little in the way of funds, but rich in spirit and point multipliers. Oops! Andrew has told me that my name has been changed to FART. Not a Biblical name, I'm pretty sure. Obadiah, Joanna, and Marvin are now POO, PEE, and ASS. I trust that Andrew has done this for a reason, perhaps this codename system will prove invaluable later on. We have purchased three oxen, 300 lbs. of food, some axles, some spare wheels, quite a few boxes of bullets, and yet only a single pair of clothes. Andrew, our leader, claims that this will save money and "doesn't really affect anything anyhow."

May 2nd, 1866
Squirrels will probably be mildly scarce from now on.

We have begun our trek across this harsh terrain! Moving at a steady pace has kept our health from taking a turn for the worse. Things are looking up already. We are eating hearty rations and just the other day Andrew shot over 1200 lbs. of food! However, we could only lug back 200 lbs. The strange thing? It was all squirrel meat.

May 3rd, 1866

We found some wild berries! What luck! Methinks this journey shall be fruitful. Ha! Fruit-ful! Pardon the pun!

May 5th, 1866

Our wagon reached the Kansas River Crossing. The water stood at 6 ft. deep and -8 degrees Farenheit. Andrew, ever the fearless leader, made the bold decision to ford the river. We lost our three oxen, 475 lbs. of food, our single pair of clothing, all but one of our boxes of bullets, and ASS. Andrew did not appear to have seen this coming, but I remain loyal to our leader. Hopefully, conditions will improve.

May 6th, 1866

Conditions have gotten drastically worse. Andrew has decided to rest to ease our spirits, but unfortunately decided to do so for 99 days, which will delay our trip until early Fall, meaning a large portion of the trip will not take place until we are deep into winter. POO and I have tried to wake Andrew, but he is deep into his hibernation. We can see the next stop from here, it can't be more than a days travel. Sadly, our unflinching loyalty calls for us to remain by our leader's side until this rest has ended.


July 9th, 1866

I have come to assume Andrew is dead, as he is unable to be woken. Also, I have contracted cholera, dysentery, and measles, as well as broken my leg twice while resting motionless in this wagon. Thankfully, I was able to find a pink robe to clothe myself with when I felt better.

August 15th, 1866

Our rest has ended! We were able to stave off starvation by trading all of our wheels to a kindly old Native American for foodstuffs and bullets. Onward to Oregon!

August 16th, 1866

Andrew has decided to rest for another 99 days. He also sold our remaining food to a little girl in exchange for 20 pairs of clothing. My faith in our noble leader is starting to vacillate.

November 26, 1866

Alas, but I and the rest of my party are on the verge of death as I write this! Andrew is preparing to ford a river that is 20 ft. deep. I would try to escape, but I implicitly trust Andrew far too much to commit such an act of mutiny. Andrew managed to commemorate our journey and memory by writing this on a headstone, underneath which we shall be buried:



I asked him to include the names of the others on the headstone, but he refused. Ah well, I suppose it doesn't really matter. God bless Oregon.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 18 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />