CollegeHumor: Easter Articles This Month http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773781 Happy Easter! Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773781 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-10 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 36 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1726145 You're Never Going To Find These Eggs Fri, 06 Apr 2007 12:50:44 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1726145 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Ok, ok, the kitchen. You're getting warmer, I guess. PSYCHE. Why would I tell you if you were getting warmer? You think I want you to find these eggs? Keep looking, morons.

Going outside now, eh? Finally making some good decisions. Maybe I don't have to be ashamed of you after all. Don't insult me Ben, you think I'd hide the eggs right by the steps to the porch? You'll have to crawl a lot further underneath the deck to find any eggs at all. Samantha might be on to something! But, Sam, hey- Sam, you're going to have to climb that tree MUCH higher if you want to find anything. Don't be a baby, reach for that branch. You have to commit to the climb, Sam. One more branch up...you've almost found the first egg...NOT! HAHAHA, whoops! Looks like there aren't any eggs in the tree either! Maybe you'll find a bird egg?! Idiot.

You know what, maybe we should go inside, this is pointless. Know why? Because you will NEVER find these eggs. I started planning for this in June of last year. I haven't slept in 4 days because I've been hiding and rehiding eggs. Even if you think you find the eggs, you won't have. Because I've planted dummy eggs all over the yard.

By the time you find these f*cking eggs they'll be full grown chickens! Yeah, that's right, Samantha, I didn't even boil them! If you don't find them soon all the baby chickens will die and it will be all your fault. Why are you crying? That kind of attitude never found any eggs. Man up, Samantha.

No, Ben, don't be a smartass. This isn't why your mother left. You want to know why I do this, Samantha? For the same reason I've faked my own gruesome death every Halloween for the past 4 years, for the same reason I broke both my legs and fractured my skull coming down the chimney as Santa last Christmas. I do this because I love you guys. And I'm giving you a true Holiday to remember. I love you two very much. Now go out there and find. Those. F*cking. Eggs. NOW.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:298"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/1/collegehumor.2618616bb5cffc06c7d7b8216893ee97.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-04-06 12:50:44 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:298">Jake Hurwitz</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:55"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 119 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1724906 Easter Vs. Passover Thu, 29 Mar 2007 11:20:49 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1724906 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Easter

 Passover
Death
Coming back to life
Egg
Painted Egg
Leavened bread
Long, boring family dinner
Plagues
Hiding Matzah
Hiding CANDY!
Time off school
'Rugrats' Special
"Hey everyone, Uncle Saul is here!"

"Here everyone, Uncle Winston is here!"
Commercialized

Santa

Happy Easter/Passover everyone!
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/a/collegehumor.7d8b975affed1e53fc3e6afa6f0a2364.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239">Streeter Seidell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:271"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 28 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1725657 I. Am. So. Bored. Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:58:35 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1725657 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Man, they're gonna be so surprised.

[upload:1150617:small:left:The "increcible" view from my tomb]But for real, this cave is a major drag. It's freaking cold, too. I'm the Son of God, you think they'd at least get me a tomb with some southern exposure or something. I'm nipping like crazy in here. Maybe I'll come back a day early? NO. No, I gotta stick to the plan. Tomorrow. AHhhh, they're gonna freak when they see me! I bet Paul sh*ts his pants.

I need a haircut. How many more hours do I have to stay in here? 12?! This sucks.

Ugh, what is that? WHAT IS THAT?! Oh for f*cks sake, now the cave has mice. Awesome. I couldn't be happier. What's next, snakes? Wouldn't that be perfect? Snakes? It smells nasty in here, too. Like - it's not a bad smell, per se, but not a great one either. It's like wet sand or something? Rice, maybe? I can't put my finger on it.

Who was that guy from that place? Who was that? The cemetery guy? Ugh, this is going to bug me all day.

Why did they stab me? I mean, you'd think they would have had enough after they NAILED ME TO A CROSS! It's like, "How many holes have we put in your body today? 3?" Apparently that's not enough for Stabsters McGee. I mean, I love that man because, ya know, I love everyone, but enough is enough. AWW, GROSS, I can put my fingers in the hole. SICK!

I think I'm starting to get a headache. Yeah, I totally am. Crap.

What else, what else... I haven't eaten in a while. I'm thinking I'll try to find some berries or someth...LAZARUS! YES! That was that guy's name. Lazarus. He was the dead guy. Awesome. I'm so happy I remembered that. It was driving me crazy. Oh man, such. A. Relief.

Yo, how much time left? Seriously? 11 hours and 58 minutes? Sh*t.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:705727"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/8/collegehumor.32ba4ddb46e95c62b0985fd8ffa8dc4b.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:705727">Jesus Christ</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 96 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />