CollegeHumor: Home Plate Articles This Month

BJ History of the Freshman Virgin

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 08:56:00 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> (The Freshman Virgin is hooking up with a guy in her dorm room. He takes off his pants and pushes her head down.)

FV: Oh! Okay, so listen, I don't know if I made myself clear at dinner and I'm sure you're a super guy, but..."can't put in the thing without that special ring." Sorry.

GUY: Yeah, yeah, whatever, it's cool. Blow me then.

FV: Oh! Um...okay.

GUY: Ow! What the f*ck?! Stop! Ow! F*ck, that hurts. What the f*ck is your problem.?!

FV: Nothing, God. Do you want a blowjob or not?

GUY: No, not from you, you freak! (He puts on his pants and hobbles out)

Four Years Prior

Two Hours Prior

(The Freshman Virgin is studying with a guy in his basement)

FV: Okay, so in the Krebs Cyle two carbons are-
(he leans in and starts kissing her, shoving his hands up her skirt )
Oh! Okay...ow, ow, oooo, ow, ow, ugh, yeah, ow, yeah, yeah.

Two Years Prior

(The Freshman Virgin is eating in her middle school cafeteria with her friend Beth)

BETH: Okay, so don't freak out, but Brendan just gave me a blow job in the boys bathroom!

FV: Oh my God, did you use a condom?

BETH: No, do you think I should have?

FV: I don't know. Probably.

BETH: Whatever.

FV: So, wait, Brendan gave you a blow job?!

BETH: Yeah it was fun, but it kinda hurt.

FV: It hurt, what do you mean it hurt?! What did he do exactly. Tell me everything.

BETH: Okay, well he stuck is whole hand down my jeans and into my underwear and then he, like, poked really hard at my vagina with his fingers for, like, a really long time.

FV: Oh my God, that's disgusting!

BETH: Yeah.

FV: Wow, so that's a blow job.

BETH: Yeah.

View Article

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-06-12 08:56:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 20 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Imagined Conversations & Actual Conversations

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 15:02:45 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> CollegeHumor inbox style.

Imagined

Keep Reading

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 58 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Wannabe Sex and the City Columnist Takes Over Home Plate

Wed, 28 May 2008 16:09:13 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Hi Guys!

Mindy's off this week, and I've been asked to fill in! Yay! I'm not a "real" sex columnist YET, but I've sent lots of stuff out to tons of NYC papers and popular on-line mags, so you never know.

I totally live and breathe sex and relationships though, so I'm SO happy to be writing about it for you guys this week. Let's get started.

Sex. LOL. Sex can be so funny, but it can also be really serious. Sex can be both funny and serious. Like one time I was making out with this guy in a cab and when the cab stopped at a red light the guy hit his head on the partition. Funny. But then I never heard from him again and felt super insecure. Serious. The guy was like lipstick: after we made out, he totally faded.

Keep Reading

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-28 16:09:13 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 26 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Those Girls Who Never Masturbated

Wed, 21 May 2008 16:39:54 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> to masturbate?

Good times!

Well since it's still May and therefore still National Masturbation month, (Yay! I hope you guys have been celebrating!!) and since this is still a sex themed column, I thought I'd contact the girls and let you guys know how they, and their untouched girl-parts, are doing.

So I pulled out my rolodex (totally better than a BlackBerry) from 2006 to see if I still had their info...

Keep Reading

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-21 16:39:54 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 58 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

If My Boyfriend's Penis Was A Motivational Speaker

Wed, 14 May 2008 14:10:04 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> My BF's Penis: Hello boys. Thank you all for being here today. By a raise of shafts who here is new? Okay, good! Welcome. And how many 3-6 month relationshipers do we have with us? Good! Keep at it, it's good you're here now. And what about a year or more...? Great. Kudos to you all.

Okay, first off, I know what you're all going through. I'm going on two years and three months. Some days are awesome and others, man, it's an uphill battle. But you gotta keep your eye on the PRIZE. You gotta FOCUS.

Have her techniques and tricks gotten old? YES! Have her choke holds and thrusts become more and more predictable? HELL YES! But here's the thing fellas: he loves her and he's not going anywhere, so we have to keep on keeping on!

Keep Reading

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-14 14:10:04 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 121 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Mixtape From The Guy Who's Not Sure How He Feels About You

Wed, 07 May 2008 15:30:18 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-07 15:30:18 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 29 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Things I Screamed while trying to get my Gardenia Plant to Bloom that I've also said to Guys I've Dated

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 11:29:15 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Uh -oh, looking discolored. Looks like someone got too much sun.

Oh no, is that supposed to fall off like that?

Are you acting this way because it's so dry?

Are you suicidal? Is that it, is that the problem?

I'm trying to keep it moist, but not saturated, okay?! It's not easy!

Here, you need a little acid? Will that help?

Grow baby, why won't you grow?!

I've tried it in the bathroom, in the bedroom, in the living room, outside in the rain, nothing works!

I hate you, you temperamental assh*le!

I'm not treating your fungus! You're not worth it!

View Article

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-30 11:29:15 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 50 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Aliza Shvarts Breaks Up with her Boyfriend

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 03:47:41 -0400

Aliza: Can we talk?

Boyfriend: Sure.

Aliza: I think we should break up?

Boyfriend: For real?

Aliza:Well, I can't really tell you if this is real or not. The nature ofthis break-up doesn't consist of any certainties, you know?

Boyfriend: Stop talking like that and just tell me, are you really breaking up with me or not?!

Aliza: I can't! It's impossible to accurately identify the break-up. I'm sorry.

Boyfriend: (sigh)So, I guess we're over?

Aliza: Yes. But fictitiously. And factually, too. Our break-up, in a sense, is a long narrative of truthful lies.

Boyfriend: What? What do you mean?

Aliza: I'm sorry, but I have to stay ambiguous for the sake...of the break-up.

Boyfriend: Wait, is this one of your "art" projects?! I told you from the beginning: don't involve 'us' in your 'art.' That's my deal breaker!

Aliza: I'm not! I don't love you anymore. It's over.

Boyfriend: Fine. This better be real though because I'm going to tell people.

Aliza: Fine. Good

Boyfriend: Oh...wait a minute. I get it! You're just telling me we're breaking up soI can tell EVERYONE about it. But really, the actual break-up will bethe product of everyone's reaction to this pseudo break-up. Nice try, but I'm not falling for it.

Aliza: Don't try to understand me, baby. You're not smart enough.

Boyfriend: Sorry. So...are we still together?

Aliza: Yes, but just as a concept.

Boyfriend: Can I f*ck you later?

Aliza: Yes. Except the vagina as a receiver of the dick is a total myth, so we'll have to experiment.

Boyfriend: Cool.

Aliza: Hey sweetie, will you grab that plastic over there and lay it out on the floor so I can bleed on it?

Boyfriend: Yeah, no problem. Wait...for "real?"

http://www.courant.com/news/local/hc-yaleart0423.artapr23,0,3218278.story

http://www.yaledailynews.com/articles/view/24559

View Article

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-23 03:47:41 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 29 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Threesome Rules from the Insecure Girlfriend

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 03:21:41 -0400

Keep Reading

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-16 03:21:41 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 261 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The Freshman Virgin Who Just Doesn't Get It Tries to Pick Up Guys at the Bar

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 06:42:34 -0400

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together at a restaurant getting to know each other.

Hi, my name's Mindy. You might want to remember it now because you'll be screaming it later, across the bar, when I'm leaving and you realize you don't have my phone number.

Hold hands with me in public if I'm wrong, but is your name Zeus?

Hey, let's get a pizza and kiss each other goodnight.

So, you live around here? Oh, you do? That's cool. So hey, maybe we can get coffee sometime next week.

Do you have a mirror in your pants? Why? Because I can see a girl looking for her
soulmate in them.

So what's your favorite kind of music that you'd want to dance to when you're my date for my cousin's wedding next weekend?

You have really nice eyes that might see my boobs later and nothing else.

Nice shoes, wanna girlfriend?

That shirt is really becoming on you. I really like it. Blue's my favorite color.

View Article

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-09 06:42:34 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 90 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Clitter

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 18:07:57 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-01 18:07:57 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 52 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Dirty Talk

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:57:36 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> ...in a new relationship

Her: You feel sooo good! You...taste...so...good too!

Him: Yeah! Mmmm. I've been thinking about you tasting me all day, baby.

Dirty talk after dating for over a year

Her: Your balls smell. Did you shower today?

Him: Yeah! Mmmm. Thanks baby, I know you're tired. I'll get you back.

Keep Reading

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-26 14:57:36 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 118 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Lies I Believed on the Fifth Grade Playground

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:57:25 -0400

Blue Balls will kill him.

Masturbating decreases the strength of your heart.

The average guy is 12 inches long.

If you're allergic to peanuts and the guy eats a lot of peanuts that day and you go down on him you could die.

You can get pregnant if his stuff touches your boobs.

If you get pregnant before you're married, the baby will come out retarded.

Masturbating makes you lose brain cells.

You shouldn't go to the dentist less than six months after you've given him oral because the dentist will be able to tell and he'll tell you parents.

Touching his balls too hard will kill him.

Masturbating gives you diabetes.

Only slutty girls shave their legs.

And...

Fingering is supposed to be painful, it's just something the guy has to do get himself ready to have sex.

View Article

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-19 14:57:25 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 84 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Phone Sex Break Up

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 10:56:59 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> So, remember that time in college when your boyfriend, who went to another school, called you to break up with you at the same time you guys usually have phone sex? Good times.

GF: Hello?

BF: Hey Babe.

GF: Hi! Wait, hold on, I gotta go into my room. Okay. Hi (lusty phone sex voice)

BF: Hey. So listen... I know we usually do this right now, but I actually called to talk.

GF: I know baby. I want to talk too. About boning you!

BF: Yeah, okay but-

GF: What about my butt? Mmmmmm.

BF: No, it's just that, see, we've been together for a long time now and-

GF: I know baby. Mmmmm. Looong. Oh, guess what? I'm taking off my panties.

Keep Reading

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-12 10:56:59 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 138 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

If My T&A Could Talk...

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 01:49:50 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> ...Maybe this is a conversation they'd have while I was getting some in college.

TITS: Yeah! Squeeze me! That feels soooo good. Ooo, yeah lick it! Yeah! Suck it!

ASS: Hellooo. Over here! Can anybody hear me?!

TITS: Nobody cares about you sweetie, deal with it.

ASS: Hellooo! Come on, dude. Show me some love too!

TITS: He can't hear you, I've enveloped his whole head.

ASS: This is sooo unfair, why can't we ever hook up with ass men?

TITS: Yeah, right. Look at me. Like anybody is ever gonna pay attention to you while I'm around. Ooo yeah, right there. Bite it! Yeah!

ASS: One squeeze. That's all I'm asking for is a little squeeze, maybe even a slap. Come on dude, slap me! Stop touching those things and slap me!

TITS: Sorry, he needs both his hands right now for friction. Uh, yeah!

ASS: I'm sooo bored!

TITS: Relax, one day she'll be ready for kinky ass stuff. We've got a lot of time ahead of us. But, it's not gonna happen tonight. Remember what she said to the last guy who asked about you?

ASS: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ugh, she's over eighteen, it's time for some backdoor.

TITS: Sorry, can't talk anymore, real busy. Yeah!! Who's a lucky girl?! Me, me, me!

ASS: I hate you

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-05 01:49:50 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 111 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Hook Up Disclaimers Written On Bar Napkins...

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 04:45:27 -0500

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-02-27 04:45:27 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 128 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The World's Most Annoying Girlfriend and her Insensitive Boyfriend try Tantric

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 01:13:30 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Boyfriend: So is this gonna be like that Karma Suit sh*t? Cause, baby, if you wanna twist yourself around me like some Gumby whore, that's fine. But I'm not doing that sh*t.
Girlfiend: Its called Tantric sex baby. I read all about it in Cosmo.
Boyfriend: Taint-tric? Ahahaha! Like taint your ass, taint your p*ssy?! Ahahahaha! Girlfriend: I can't believe you just said the "p" word around me after we had a whole discussion yesterday about how much I hate the "p" word and why it's historically demeaning to women.

Keep Reading

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-02-20 01:13:30 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 94 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Valentine's Day Cards to Hand Out at the Bar

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 01:36:36 -0500

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-02-13 01:36:36 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 85 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Baseball� baseball� baseball

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 14:47:38 -0500

As all of you know, women need the existence of pure monogamous love coupled with scented candles to become aroused. Our g-spots and clits might as well not exist without words like “girlfriend” “relationship” “connection” and “forever” We’re not animals like you men who--okay…not that’s true. We are. We’re animals too, and sometimes we just need a warm body to finish off. And not only that, but occasionally…we finish first.

Yes, that’s right. Sometimes women can be two pump chumps. It’s true. Someone even wrote me on the subject seeking advice on how to last longer. (Thanks Jillian Hartley from Platteville, Wisconsin!*)

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-12-12 14:47:38 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 23 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

"That Was Me. Sorry. Keep Going! Don't Stop!"

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 13:42:22 -0500

"Women don’t fart. All women are delicate flowers whose bodies are filled with sweet, feminine chemicals that evaporate that hydrogen sulfide stuff before it reaches their anuses. Women don’t sh*t either. Their reproductive-girl-parts break down their food and send it out their pores smelling like vanilla and lavender. It's so awesome that women get to go through their whole lives sans flatulence and fecal matter"

I’m positive that’s what the first guy I intimately farted in front of thought. He pulled his tongue out of my mouth and looked at me as if I just took a sh*t on his couch. And after my short-lived, yet trumpeting, sound faded from the air, I looked into his disgusted eyes and said…nothing. He didn’t say anything either. And when he dropped me off at my house later, he kissed me on the cheek.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/2/collegehumor.80a1009e4241f8192f309ae278523a40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-12-05 13:42:22 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:238">Mindy Raf</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 41 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />