CollegeHumor: Indiana Jones Articles This Month http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792835 7 New Professors on RateMyProfessors.com Tue, 13 Oct 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792835 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1747720"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/b/collegehumor.688014cc4e3f51335e8cf30b65685d54.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-13 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1747720">Owen Parsons</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1030 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776465 Seven Movie Posters That Almost Were Wed, 27 May 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776465 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Traditionally, historians don't like to play "what if" with history. You can't change the past, so better to focus on what did happen, not what could have happened. Of course, while history majors were getting their PhD's, the rest of us were hanging around our dorms, wondering what it'd be like if some of our favorite films had went with their original leading men.

American Psycho
(Leonardo DiCaprio as Patrick Bateman)
Shortly after its publication in 1991, Bret Easton Ellis's notoriously violent 1991 novel was deemed "unfilmable." Of course in movie parlance "unfilmable" is shorthand for "unfilmable until sufficient hype is built up," and 10 years of rumors and unproduced scripts followed -- including talk of Johnny Depp in the lead role. But it was Leonardo DiCaprio who came closest to filling Patrick Bateman's blood-splattered tennis shoes when Lions Gate Films officially announced DiCaprio was cast as the film's lead. Fortunately, DiCaprio soon realized the hordes of 13-year-old girls who fell in love with him in Titanic may not be best served by seeing their idol chase a terrified hooker with a chainsaw, and the role went to Christan Bale.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1562982"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/5/collegehumor.a38249fddab8bb4c357d45a5e57a11dc.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-05-27 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1562982">Jeff & Patrick</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 214 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775295 Reviews For The Next Six Indiana Jones Movies Tue, 05 May 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775295 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Indy 5 - Indiana Jones and the Scepter of Shaman-Ra
With Ford declining to return, Shia LaBeouf takes over the title role. Sidekick duties are taken up by series newcomer Joe Jonas, who appears as Indy's orphaned Chinese nephew in a performance most critics call "breathtakingly racist." Crew's apathy is apparent, and impressive CGI fails to cover fact that the film's third act plagiarizes directly from National Lampoon's "Animal House".

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1923137"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/e/collegehumor.6f58c00dbbe720bed76d4a9ef3189fa3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-05-05 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1923137">Owen and Ben</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 121 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772282 Young Indiana Jones and the LiveJournal of Angst Mon, 23 Mar 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772282 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-03-23 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 59 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755597 God, According to Indiana Jones Wed, 21 May 2008 15:31:21 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755597 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Raiders of the Lost Ark

GOD: Moses, you will take these 10 Holy Commandments down to the Israelites, so that my laws may be obeyed.

MOSES: Thank you, my Lord.

GOD: You will then seal my Commandments in a sacred ark, where they will be protected.

MOSES: But what if someone should try and open it?

GOD: Then I shall melt their faces.

MOSES: I'm... I'm sorry, my Lord. What was that?

GOD: Scary ghosts shall pop out, and I shall melt their faces. Just melt them right off, my son.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/b/collegehumor.bf47a312f8c3b3d327c1333b4268bdca.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-21 15:31:21 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226">Patrick Cassels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:857"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 610 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755562 A Defense Of The Natives In The New Indiana Jones Advertisements Wed, 21 May 2008 01:36:59 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755562 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> The advertisements for the new Indiana Jones movie that can now be seen everywhere feature a band of angry indigenous people, Mayan ruins towering in the background, chasing a sheepishly smiling Indiana Jones. What a dick!

I am unequivocally on the side of the natives here.  The ads should naturally leave us all with the following questions and apprehensions.

What the hell was he doing there?

What right does he have, coming out of nowhere, trespassing on the land of these indigenous people?  Based on his history you know he is probably up to no good.  He probably wants to take some of their stuff, maybe find clues pertaining to an even bigger mystery, and if anyone gets in his way he'll kill them.  If those natives are smart, they'll kill him before he tells anyone else about them and missionaries arrive to destroy their beliefs, western diseases kill them, and western companies come to take their land, chop the trees down and possibly build hotels and casinos.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.ce42814d356284e3e2f6e68dd4230ba1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-21 01:36:59 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317">John Hallmann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 3 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751294 Forgotten Faces of the Indiana Jones Trilogy Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:23:18 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751294 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> .indyjones h4 { width: 480px; text-align: center; }.indyjones h4 em { }.indyjones p { text-align: justify; margin-bottom: 20px; }.indyjones div { width: 480px; margin: 0 auto; text-align: center; margin-bottom: 5px; }

The fourth installment of the Indiana Jones adventures may be first and foremost on fans' minds lately, but that hardly means we should turn away from the unsung heroes, little-known villains, and forgotten faces from the original Jones trilogy.

7-Foot Bald Nazi (Raiders of the Lost Ark)

If you were a German soldier sweating your 7-foot ass off digging through Cairo for some magical chest, wouldn't you take the opportunity to vent some frustration by beating the crap out of a fedora-wearing American trespassing on your airstrip? It's hard to imagine what purpose this mustachioed strongman served before Jones' arrival, other than turning Egypt into a 1920's Coney Island freakshow.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/b/collegehumor.bf47a312f8c3b3d327c1333b4268bdca.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-14 16:23:18 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226">Patrick Cassels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:857"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 166 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755218 Indiana Jones has to explain himself to the Barnett College Dean Tue, 13 May 2008 23:21:17 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755218 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Dr. Jones walks into the deans office.

Dean: Dr. Jones.....

Jones: Look I know what you are gonna say, I know I have missed a lot of work.

Dean: Dr. Jones, you have been absent for seventy five percent of your classes this year alone.

A long silence

Jones: Well there is a good reason for that.

Dean: You are aware that we don't employ substitutes.

Jones: I understand that......

The dean pulls out a folder.

Dean: Dr. Jones, as your superior I have to say I am alittle perturbed by the fact that you used up all of your sick days within one week.

Jones: Well there is a good reason for that sir.

Dean: Well, I would love to hear it.

Jones: Well, I was in Peru looking for the idol of Monja and then there was this rolling ball that nearly killed me.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1308104"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/d/collegehumor.3d657dde0fe98b35ebae2bfdba7b360c.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1308104">Josh Krebs</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 3 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />