Your up-to-the-minute source for all things indie and nothing corporate ever.

I'm having a really hard time picking a new favorite band. Because every time I hear a new band, it means I know who they are. And just me knowing who they are means that they're so mainstream that my ears would bleed if I listened to them. Which could be cool, I guess, if my ears always bled, but my mom makes me do my own laundry now so I'm trying to be clean.

I know what you're thinking. Laundry is so mainstream. You're right, but how am I going to get my t-shirts to fit me tight enough without washing and drying them three times? Answer me that, suit.

I saw my cousin's band last night and booed my ass off. They're so god damn corporate, they should have carried their guitars in in brief cases. You know, really big ones that fit guitars in. Guitar cases, I guess. Anyway, their lead singer wears a tie for a belt. That's so dated that it made me want to puke. Then I realized only sellouts puke, so I swallowed it.

I started putting one end of ties outside of the back of my pants so it looks like I have a tail. Tails are pretty indie, plus I bought a lot of ties two years ago and I don't want them to go to waste. I started wearing a suit too, for the sake of irony. Not a hundred percent sure if irony has sold out yet, but I'll write again to let you know. Sometimes I just have to sit in my room not moving or eating because I'm so afraid I'll do something mainstream. It's pretty debilitating being so f*cking indie.

Sunglasses are in again after being out last summer. Which is why I'm not wearing them anymore. I buy a pair every day just so I can put them on the ground and stomp them. Also, I started killing ants for fun, don't know why I'm even telling you- just thought it was weird.

Your up-to-the-minute source for all things indie and nothing corporate ever.

Hot dogs. That's all I'm going to say. J/K, I have a lot more to say. But I want to start off saying that Hot Dogs are so God damn f*cking indie right now that it almost makes them mainstream. Which brings me to my next point. Mainstream is the new indie. Think about it, Hot Dog (That's what I call people now) it's pretty corporate to be indie- just because everyone is doing it. So, if you really want to be indie, you have to start shopping at Hollister, eating at Red Lobster and seeing movies at Showcase Cinemas.

Anyway, back to hot dogs. I carry one around in the hoodie pocket on my Hollister sweatshirt- totally cooked, ready to be eaten whenever I have a few seconds free.