CollegeHumor: Jobs Articles This Month http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773163 Proper Facebook Tue, 07 Apr 2009 12:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773163 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Everyone has a facebook or myspace account nowadays and future employers know that too. And with the economy as bad as it is, it only takesone bad picture of you completely wasted on a Wednesday afternoon for them not to want you. You might say that's not fair - it's your personal life and you're right. So why not take the time to make a more professional facebook account -the advantage here is you can lie your ass off!

Here's our Simple Guide:

1.Change your original facebook name to your nickname. (Really who cares if your birth name is Richard, we are all calling you Dick).

2. Make a new account with your given name.

3. Find a picture that better suits you in the business world. (Thank you Google images).

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1964864"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/f/d/collegehumor.c816197faaeb466f7d00d81de5c0887f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-07 12:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1964864">M+F</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:71"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 30 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759109 Gotham City's Job Postings Over the Years Tue, 15 Jul 2008 23:33:12 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759109 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.5265cbed7be39708f3297ab377c1806a.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-07-15 23:33:12 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 81 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758696 So You've Graduated College! Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:58:25 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758696 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> One day, as horrifying as it may seem, you will have to leave college. No more waking up at 3:29 in the afternoon and then rushing out to show up late and still drunk to your 3:30 class. It's time to make something of yourself. What will YOU become when you leave that beer-soaked wonderland and enter that beer-soaked real world?

The Soul-Crushing Cubicle Dweller: I sure do love the mind-numbing monotony of typing things into Excel all day long in my gray cubicle! It's great, because I can pretend to be John Locke working at a box company, and then hopefully I'll get in a plane crash too! That way, I can either die or live on a deserted island. Either option is better than this.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-07-08 11:58:25 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 122 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758370 An Illustrious Career Comes to an End Tue, 01 Jul 2008 17:53:30 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758370 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/a/collegehumor.7d8b975affed1e53fc3e6afa6f0a2364.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-07-01 17:53:30 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239">Streeter Seidell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:271"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 157 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755501 A Field Guide to Summer Jobs Tue, 20 May 2008 00:12:14 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755501 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
House Painting: It's a pity job. You're pitied more than an armless kid in an Easter egg hunt. No one hires college painters and doesn't expect do redo all the trimmings the following day. Only mothers who have kids in college will ever hire you, because let's face it, you don't care enough to do a good job. But the pay is great--too bad you're too worn out to spend it.

Dad's Office: "Yeah, I was going to work somewhere else, but my Dad got me a job in his office doing some administrative work." What this really means: "So my Dad hired this really nice single mother who couldn't afford to feed her kids, and she was doing a great job, but then he realized I didn't have a summer job so he fired her and put her family out on the street. Realistically, I won't do anything but fetch coffee and ward off seductive glares from Wanda, the buzzardly, post-menopausal accountant with more excess skin than Hurley from Lost after a week in the sauna."

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1101869"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/5/collegehumor.c167be55ac734f21a9c0bb059430c7f3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-20 00:12:14 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1101869">Steve E.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:437"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 159 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751024 Clark Kent's Employee Review Mon, 10 Mar 2008 16:33:17 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751024 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/b/collegehumor.1227666bde5ffee443178ceb5e3a762f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-10 16:33:17 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:8131">Sean Curry</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:219"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 122 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1736399 Meanwhile On An Airplane... Tue, 17 Jul 2007 15:23:59 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1736399 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

A man clutches his chest and keels over into the aisle.

Stewardess: OH MY GOD! IS THERE A DOCTOR ON THIS FLIGHT?

Doctor: I'm a doctor. Step aside.

Stewardess: Is there anything you need?

Doctor:  Yes. Is there a nurse on this flight?!

Nurse: I'm a nurse.

Doctor: Dammit, there's no time, he stopped breathing. And if we don't act fast, we'll lose him.

Nurse: He's gone.

Stewardess: What? How?

Nurse: Is there a pathologist on this flight?!

Pathologist: I'm a pathologist.

Doctor: Any ideas?

Pathologist: From the way he fell it looked like a myocardial infarction. We won't know for sure until the results come back from the lab.

Stewardess: Wanna dumb that down for me? I'm not a rocket scientist.

Rocket Scientist: A heart attack.

Stewardess: Wow. A rocket scientist, a doctor, a nurse, a pathologist. What are the odds?!

Statistician: Roughly 1 in 140,000.

Doctor: Is there a pilot on this flight?

Pilot: Of course.

Doctor: We're going to need to turn this plane around.

Pilot: What about the career fair?

Career Fair Coordinator: I guess that can wait.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/f/collegehumor.7cc2e0696d5c5ce7891a75df31a50bd8.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-07-17 15:23:59 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 299 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1735099 Other Profession-Specific Tan Lines Thu, 28 Jun 2007 18:02:08 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1735099 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Fencer's Tan

UPS Man's Tan
He-Man's Tan
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/a/collegehumor.7d8b975affed1e53fc3e6afa6f0a2364.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-06-28 18:02:08 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239">Streeter Seidell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:271"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 297 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />