CollegeHumor: Kids Articles This Month http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1791285 6 Kids You Grew Up With Thu, 10 Sep 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1791285 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Parents Let Him Do Anything





He was reading his dad's Playboys before he learned how to tie his shoes. He cursed, flipped everyone off, and taught all his classmates about sex. A trip to his house was a lawsuit waiting to happen. Trampolines, ziplines; if it was dangerous, this kid had it in his backyard. He was fun to hang out with back then, but he's probably in jail by now. Hopefully not for stabbing you.











Lame Kid With Cool Toys







This kid was so lame that his mom had to set up play dates just to get people to hang out with him. You were pissed that your parents forced you to "play nice" until you saw the kid's room. Jackpot. He had a Power Wheels, a Sega Genesis, a Super Nintendo, and the ever-impossible-to-find Power Ranger figures! His birthday parties were epic. While your other friends were dinking around the roller rink, he was having all-expenses paid paintball parties. This guy had EVERYTHING going for him. Besides, ya know, friends who actually liked him.




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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/a/collegehumor.3fc86fae9d1470ed6013e7fafc3e1807.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-09-10 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824">Brian Murphy</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 339 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787168 American History as Explained by an 8-Year-Old Sat, 04 Jul 2009 10:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787168 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/a/collegehumor.3fc86fae9d1470ed6013e7fafc3e1807.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-04 10:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824">Brian Murphy</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 559 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1786738 The Nightly News for Six-Year-Olds Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1786738 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Brian Williams: Good evening. I'm some guy who's not Spongebob Squarepants, and you're watching some network that isn't Nickelodeon. Our top story tonight, the brown man who made Grandpa say a bad word a couple weeks ago continues to talk a lot. For more on this story, we turn to some girl who isn't Hannah Montana. Not Hannah, have we made any progress on getting Mommy to tell us what the word Grandpa said means?

Ann Curry: Unfortunately we haven't, not Spongebob. Despite repeated attempts at finding out, Mommy continues to insist that she will tell us when we're older. Assertions that we are older now than when we asked a few minutes ago have failed to change her stance on the issue. However, based on her reaction when we said the word in front of Tommy's mom, we have determined that it is worse than what Daddy said when he stubbed his toe but not as bad as what he said when that guy on TV dropped a ball.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1596776"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/3/collegehumor.d37a7ef9cdc4df6326f3e0333c14e777.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-06-26 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1596776">Eddie Small</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:300"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 32 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771966 Kindergarten Spring Break Thu, 12 Mar 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771966 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Dave: Bro, how crazy was last night?

Jimmy: It was nuts as balls, dude. I had no idea you could drink that much.

Dave: Fourteen Ecto Coolers in one night. I was blitzed out of my skull.

Jimmy: Oh man, you probably don't remember then...

Dave: Remember what?

Jimmy: That chick you hooked up with at the club.

Dave: What club?

Jimmy: Chuck E. Cheese.

Dave: I hooked up with someone at The Cheese!?

Jimmy: Yeah dude, that Jenny chick. The slutty one.

Dave: No way bro.

Jimmy: You two were holding hands in the ball pit like all night. You should get yourself tested, man.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/a/collegehumor.3fc86fae9d1470ed6013e7fafc3e1807.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-03-12 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824">Brian Murphy</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 680 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1765469 Unpopular Children's Books Fri, 12 Dec 2008 16:30:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1765469 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:856057"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/8/collegehumor.cb1e61e2d15f28deb56dc3e8c078646e.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-12-12 16:30:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:856057">Derek Walborn</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 610 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760592 I am Going to Count to Three Thu, 14 Aug 2008 14:40:12 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760592 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> You have 'til the count of three to come down from that coffee table, mister. What happens at three is a mystery to you. I could spank you, I suppose. Three swift smacks to the bottom, you run crying to your room, and ten minutes later you've forgotten everything that happened. Feel lucky if you are spanked. You won't get spanked, though. Perhaps something telekinetic happens at three. Do you know that word, telekinetic? It means that Santa might find out you've been bad and you'll receive inferior toys for Christmas. Orphanage toys. You know, board games that involve spelling, things carved out of wood, yo-yo's. No Nintendo Wii after three, one might say.

Now consider this: What if someone you love is directly affected by your actions? Imagine standing on the coffee table, then, without warning, Snuffleupagus decides to sit on Big Bird's head. His cranium collapses and confetti flies everywhere, because puppets have confetti instead of brains. Wouldn't that be a shame? Kevy Wevy is too stubborn to come down from the table and, well, bye bye birdie. Gordon will be crying, Grover will be crying, Telly will be crying. Guy Smiley will choke back tears while delivering the report on their preposterous puppet news show. All will be sad. Will people want to be your friend when you go back to school on Monday? Hardly. Where will your little mutinous spirit be when you have to play with the leg brace kid at recess?
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1101869"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/5/collegehumor.c167be55ac734f21a9c0bb059430c7f3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-08-14 14:40:12 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1101869">Steve E.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:437"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 16 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1737334 N00z Mon, 30 Jul 2007 11:47:12 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1737334 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Current affairs are important to everyone. To ensure that the children's menu demographic receives the news that it needs, top stories will be reported by Hannah Frasier, age 8.

Grown-ups Are Addicted to Stuff Like Phones and Computers!

If grown-ups don't get to use phones or watch tv, they don't know what to do, because they HAVE to use phones and watch tv. Sometimes if I don't do all my homework or if I don't want to take a bath, my mom doesn't let me watch tv, but she still gets to. Plus she gets to stay up late. My dad has a beard and he loves his new iPod phone more than he loves my mom.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:58710"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/6/collegehumor.1a4c653896f8eb8b25e3ffa6b5663735.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-07-30 11:47:12 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:58710">Katie Marino</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:92"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 10 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1733872 Back Fired Thu, 14 Jun 2007 09:57:28 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1733872 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> This was Tara Friedman's first day of teaching 2nd grade. She had spent her last four years as a Resident Advisor at UCLA so she did the only thing she knew how to do...

Tara: Okay children, ice breakers! Everybody sit around the rug Indian style. Now we are going to go around the room and each of you will tell two truths and one lie. Then, the next person will have to guess which one is the lie! Sounds like fun, right!?

Victoria: Popsicles.

Tara: Yeah. Okay. Thomas is the first in the circle, so Thomas, please, tell two truths and one lie.

Thomas: Every night the Tooth Fairy comes to check to see if there are teeth under my pillow, Mommy and Daddy are going to be alive forever and my favorite food is macaroni.

Tara: Ah. Okay. Nevermind. Who likes blocks?!
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/f/collegehumor.7cc2e0696d5c5ce7891a75df31a50bd8.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-06-14 09:57:28 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 43 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1720518 A Diary Entry By Someone Who Doesn't Understand How Diaries Work Thu, 22 Feb 2007 10:15:17 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1720518 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Another day, another letter. What the hell is your problem? It has been seven weeks and I haven’t heard a word from you. I’ve written you eleven letters total. Is this how you treat all the kids who write you with their problems? My mom said you could help me with my self-esteem issues, if anything it’s gotten worse. How do you think I feel when you don’t answer any of my letters? I’ll tell you how I feel, Diary. I feel bad. I feel really, really bad. (What kind of a name is Diary anyway, Dutch?)

So, to reiterate, here are the things I need help with: Mark Berman has been really mean to me at school. I hate him. Oh, and I like this girl, Susan. My mom and dad fight all the time. It’s so annoying! I hate being neglected. Oh, and my dad keeps bothering me about stupid stuff. Homework this, clean the garage that. Him and my mom are so gay together. He also punched my face.

Ok, so that’s what I need help with. I’d really, really, really like to hear back from you. Even if you don’t think you can help, I just want to know that someone is listening to me, you know? I mean, I said in my 6th, 7th and 8th letter that I hate being ignored. I don’t want to have to send another letter.

                                                                                                Sincerely,
                                                                                                Bobby Thompson
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:298"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/1/collegehumor.2618616bb5cffc06c7d7b8216893ee97.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-02-22 10:15:17 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:298">Jake Hurwitz</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:55"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 22 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />