Koopa Troopa, Goomba, Shy Guy and Bob-omb sit in a pub. 

Hey guys!

Troopa: How much longer they got you walking between those two pipes?

Goomba: Two more weeks on the job, then I'm retired. I can't wait to see my kids again.

King Koopa enters.

King Koopa: Hey guys!

Everyone: Hey, King Koopa! 

King Koopa: Ha, yeah, about that actually. You guys can just call me Bowser now.

Everyone looks confused.

Goomba: Bowser? What's Bowser?

King Koopa: It's my new nickname. You know, I'm a big turtle dinosaur, and everyone bows before me. I am the Bow-saur! Or Bowser, cause that's easier to say.

Goomba: That's retarded.

King Koopa crushes Goomba.

Troopa: Oh my god! Well, I definitely think it's cool!

King Koopa: Thanks! I knew I could count on you guys. So it's settled, I'm Bowser from now on.

Shy Guy: I don't know. What was wrong with just being King Koopa?

King Koopa: Uh, well... it's just that "King Koopa" was my father's name. And his father's, and his father's before that. That's kind of how monarchy works, you know? I figured it was time for a change.

Bob-omb: So this has nothing to do with the fact that someone spray-painted "King Poopa" all over your castle last week?

There was a time when videogames were pretty controversial, with every news show saying that playing a game of Pokemon would turn you from an innocent, doe-eyed youth into a violent, doe-eyed killing machine. But somehow the Mario games never seemed to be too controversial, even though they managed to get some pretty messed-up messages subtly communicated to kids across the world. Maybe we should think twice before letting children play with fat, stereotypically-depicted plumbers who spend all day killing turtles...

The Mario franchise really hates Italians. Besides Mario and Luigi being portly stereotypical Italian plumbers (whose last names are Mario), the first enemy you encounter in the game is a "goomba." Very few game feature straight up racial slurs and get away with it. There are two possibilities: either the Japanese are still pissed that Italy totally bailed on them early in World War II, or whoever translated Super Mario Bros. into English had a really bad experience at the Olive Garden.

Talking Point: At E3 Nintendo showed up off new footage of Mario Galaxy (watch it here). Everyone remain calm, but Mario now has a bee suit.

Jeff: This, along with the discovery of agriculture and the initial reveal of the Wii, is one of the great milestones in human history.

[upload:1862560:small:left:Luigi got stuck with a sunflower suit. It gives him no special powers.]Andrew: The first suit in a long time is a huge deal. Does it have a special attack? How long can you fly? I really want to play this game right now.

Jeff: The game requires you to control Mario with the nunchuck while you point at things with the remote. It's hard to imagine how it's going to work, but I'm excited to look stupid trying.

Andrew: Plus you're upside down half the time and have to contend with gravity that changes and stars shooting at you from all directions. If Paper Mario is for people on acid, what is this?

Jeff: In his presentation, Nintedo president Reggie Fils-Aime commented that , "In many ways, this is the true follow up to Super Mario 64." If you were defending Mario Sunshine, you are now officially alone.

Andrew: They're definitely trying to make up for that one, and I want to play this more than I ever did Mario 64. Also, Mario can turn into a Boo that looks like Slimer from Ghostbusters.

Jeff: Really?

Andrew: Yeah

Jeff: AHHHHHHHHH! In a year with a new Half-Life, Halo, Grand Theft Auto, Metroid, Tekken, Metal Gear, Guitar Hero, a full-band Guitar Hero spin-off, Smash Brothers, Contra, and who know what else, Mario Galaxy is still the game I'm most excited about. Though Harmonix announced Rock Band will offer full albums including The Who's Who's Next, so it's close.

Andrew: All we see these days are theatrical trailers for games. Mario Galaxy really stands out as something you know will be good just by looking at it. And as a sequel it is a huge departure from traditional game play.

Jeff: I just want to take a bath in that trailer. Is that strange?

Andrew: Can I join you in a bee suit?

Jeff: Now that's strange.

TALKING POINT: Is warping cheating?

Jeff: If I was James Lipton, this is the last question I would ask everybody. It reveals so much about who you are.

Steve: If it's in-game warping, I say it's cool. It's part of the game's world and therefore respectable (like the warp whistles in Mario Brothers 3). If you have to hit a secret series of buttons, you're a cheater.

[upload:989505:small:left:The land of possibility]Jeff: I say if you warp whistle once you are already in warp whistle land, you should go to jail. Not for a ridiculous amount of time, just like two weeks.

Steve: I couldn't agree more.

Jeff: Unless you're doing a speed run, like to impress a girl or something. Then it's okay. Otherwise, you should relax and enjoy one of the best video games ever. Some of those middle levels never get any love. World 4's Giant Land, anybody?

Steve: I imagine frequent warpers are the same people who started reading Jurassic Park, only to give up and go see the movie.

Jeff: When we all know the best part of Jurassic Park is its moving prose. Okay, let's switch it up. Let's say it's a sick kid and his last wish is to beat Contra, but he's all sick and stuff so he can't even get past that wall in level 1. Is it then okay for the kid to use the 30 lives code? I say it depends on the disease.

Steve: If he's truly sick, I think he'll have bigger things on his mind than beating Contra. Like, "Is there a Contra in heaven?"