Gadwall Quackinson: Mr. McDuck, how exactly did this come to be? I'm looking at the reports right now and there seems to have been no change in the value of the company. How did this happen?

Scrooge: Well, as many of you may know, I have my fair share of enemies trying to knock me off the top. My main nemesis, Flintheart Glomgold has been steadily gaining on me for quite a while. This morning he finally managed to inch ahead and now I'm only the second richest duck in the world.

Gadwall: What kind of investments is he involved in?

Scrooge: I can't speak to that, but I do know how he managed to knock me out of the top spot...he snuck into my vault and stole a single gold coin.

Canvasback Breadeater: You mean to tell me...he broke in to your vault, which holds your entire fortune, and only took a single coin.

Scrooge: That hooded merganser! He knew that was all the needed to overtake my wealth, so he did it to taunt me. I could ring his neck!

Gadwall: Well, sir, if he is only ahead of you by a single coin, this problem should be easily fixed with some simple investments. How do you feel about real estate?

Scrooge: Explain.

Gadwall: Well...we take some of your money and buy property. Then we use the property to turn a profit.

Scrooge: But won't I fall further behind when I spend the money to buy the property? How does that even make sense!? Your plan takes me in the opposite direction! Who knows how far I will tumble down the "richest ducks" list by the time your silly plan is through.

Here are just a few other things you could do with $100 billion:

1. Purchase all of the tickets to "Pirates of the Caribbean 3" and laugh as people ponder how it could be the highest grossing film of all time yet somehow no one has ever seen it
2. Buy 100 billion Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers to feed all of Africa and still have a few left over for you and your date, Nicole Richie
3. Light dog crap on fire in a paper-bag and leave it on Bill Gates’ doorstep with a note explaining that you now own him
4. Finance the biggest episode in the Prank War series entitled “Streeter and Amir on Mars”
5. Buy 14 billion kegs for the biggest summer blowout in history (world wide kegger). Remember prohibition? How boring and depressed everyone was? Well, once the Sunnis and Shiites see how funny everyone gets when they’re drunk they’ll probably forget about this whole Civil War thing.
   

You invest with Investicon.

You’re in control. But we’re in control of your money. And that makes you feel good. Cause what you don’t know, doesn’t hurt you.

But even if you did know, you wouldn’t be mad, right? You’ve invested with Investicon because we had the most convincing ad. You’re the type of guy that doesn’t respond to facts and figures. That's why we don’t have any. What we do have is smiling faces and charts, but mostly smiling faces.

At Investicon, we don’t believe in gimmicks, mantras, slogans, employees or offices. We’ve got something that our investors care about, their money, and the know-how and professionalism to inform them when that money is gone.