CollegeHumor: Nerd Articles This Month http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793991 The Categories of a Douchebag Tue, 10 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793991 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

PREPORIOUS DOUCHEBAGIUM
"Preppy Douchebag"
Pickup line: "You would look good sunbathing at my Nantucket summer cottage."
Found: Ivy League campuses, smoking clubs, Rugby stores
Wears: Polo shirts, boating shoes, suits at inappropriate times
Thrives on: "Intellectual" discussions, purebred dogs, wine coolers
Weakness: Actually intellectual discussions.

FRATERNITORUS DOUCHEBAGIUM
"Frat Bro Douchebag"
Pickup line: "I made this drink for you."
Found: Beer pong championships, The Game, not lectures
Wears: College apparel, Birkenstocks with socks, puca shell necklaces
Thrives on: Natty Ice, cold pizza, the blood of sorority freshmen
Weakness: Correct spelling and grammar.
Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2137237"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/a/collegehumor.5acc24905249c461d51032da3fb7ee6a.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-10 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2137237">Emily</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 71 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773342 A Nerdy Kid Meets His Future Self Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773342 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> A chubby, pimple-faced 14-year-old kid sits at his computer, lethargically moving the mouse and mashing keys. Suddenly, the room begins to rumble. Mint-condition Star Wars action figures fall from the shelves. A bright flash comes from the closet, then everything is calm again. A moment later, a portly 35-year-old man walks out of the closet.
Someday, I'll be a beautiful swan.

Kid: Oh. My. God.
Man: Hello Jason.
Kid:  I always knew this day would come. You're a robot, aren't you? And you've come from the future to protect me? I'm the chosen one!
Man: Hahaha. No, no. Not quite. Although I am from the future. I'm you.
Kid: I have so many questions.
Man: Shoot.
Kid: Well, my mom always said that someday I'd blossom into a beautiful man. You're fatter than I am.
Man: Uhhh... Yes. Thanks for noticing that. Plenty of kids do lose weight after puberty. You'll continue to get bigger because you only drink soda and hate exercise.
Kid: Oh. But people don't care about that kind of stuff after high school, right? Won't I find a beautiful girl who loves me for who I am?
Man: I hope so, because I sure haven't found her yet. Most girls won't even talk to me, and the ones I meet online disappear after they find out I'm broke and still live with my Mom.
Kid: Why do you live with Mom? I thought nerds make a lot of money, like Bill Gates.
Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:631494"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/d/collegehumor.aefefba05adec0eb158d18dd8d36a1b2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-07 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:631494">Kevin Corrigan</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:344"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 236 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />