CollegeHumor: Nursery Rhymes Articles This Month http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734510 The Mother from "Hush Little Baby" Makes Some Returns At Target Thu, 21 Jun 2007 16:25:56 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734510 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Hi. I hate to be a bother, but yesterday I purchased this large-billed mockingbird, and it wasn’t quite what I expected. No, it doesn’t sing at all. So, if it’s not too much of a hassle, I guess I’ll make an even exchange for the next best thing – this 4-karat diamond ring. Oh, yes, I can pay the additional $52,400. He’s a very picky baby.

So I bought this diamond ring yesterday afternoon, and gave it to my baby. It’s none of your business “why.” The point is that when I woke up this morning, it was brass. How does that even happen? I didn’t pay $52,400 for my diamond to go reverse Rumpelstiltskin. You know what? Just give me a looking glass. My baby is not going to be happy about this.

Okay, hi. The looking glass broke. I think what did it was my baby’s high-pitched agonized scream when he realized he was getting a mirror instead of that 4-karat diamond. Do babies even like anything other than mockingbirds and diamonds? Get me a Billy Goat from the Goat aisle. No, I don’t need any gruff with that. Jesus Christ.

I have a question. What use does my baby have for a Billy Goat that won’t pull? Obviously you have not met my baby. My baby has a large collection of heavy metal objects, and he needs them continuously relocated. You think he can do it himself? He’s a Goddamn baby! So I’d like to exchange the goat for this cart and bull. My baby has goods to be transported, and he doesn’t have all day.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-06-21 16:25:56 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 76 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />