CollegeHumor: Professors Articles This Month http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792835 7 New Professors on RateMyProfessors.com Tue, 13 Oct 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792835 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1747720"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/b/collegehumor.688014cc4e3f51335e8cf30b65685d54.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-13 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1747720">Owen Parsons</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1029 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788717 The 7 Professors You'll Have in College Fri, 24 Jul 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788717 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
It's almost time to go back to schoool and for freshmen that means taking your first college courses.  Just like roommates, professors break down into 7 distinct types.
 


Old Tenure

There are two ways the old professor can go. If you're lucky, you'll get the older professor whose rickety, liver-spotted hands have been grading papers since before perforated edges were invented and who is just waiting another year or two to retire. His assignments are brief and he's convinced that the class is 25 minutes shorter than it really is. You would love him if he weren't so repulsive. Sadly, the odds are greater that you'll be stuck with the other type of old professor, the one who intends to keep teaching in spite of his age. The only time-wasting tangents he'll ever get into is how everything has gone to sh*t in this modern age, and how students don't care at all. He will give you a 30 minute lecture on how dangerous Spell Check is and how type writers are much more efficient. But no matter what type of old professor you end up with, there's always the super high chance he'll die mid semester and then you get an automatic A, right? Right?


The Hottie

Sometimes God loves you in a very special way, and as a reward for reading nine hundred pages of Shakespeare, he'll send you the hottest professor you've ever seen. All your life you thought tweed was for dying englishmen, but then she walks in looking like she just came from a foxhunt sposored by Victoria's Secret. Every article of clothing on her body seems custom made to hug all her curves and keep you from learning a single thing. How are you supposed to focus on the subtle ironies within the supporting cast of Candide when you're busy trying to pop a button off of a blouse with your mind? That's assuming you'd actually have a chance, which you don't. She is already dating an equally good-looking man who's written two books and has a collection of tribal masks in his billiard room; the closest you'll ever get is going home and finding a website where the porn stars wear glasses.


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-24 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 283 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753296 Getting To Know Your Professor Via Email Thu, 17 Apr 2008 04:21:33 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753296 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> It's surprisingly easy to learn a lot about your instructors based on the messages they send you. Check it out.

Professor Whose Dad Didn't Love Him
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:82265"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/f/collegehumor.3f480ca3589c4a09908468af4f08b10d.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-17 04:21:33 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:82265">John Baker</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:122"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 310 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1741070 The Honest Intro to Psychology Professor Sat, 22 Sep 2007 14:33:07 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1741070 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
I’m glad you were able to make it to my office hours. It’s been a few weeks since classes started, and I’ve been meaning to talk to you. I’m just not impressed by your knowledge base. I expect you to know everything in this course before you do any reading, despite you never having studied psychology before. I know everything about it, why can’t you? As I sit there at home in my 50+ chat room, the thought of how little you know disturbs me. Almost as much as the thought that I spend my nights in a 50+ chat room. Oh, I’m so alone.

You’re really sliding. That first day of classes, you did so well. When I read the syllabus aloud and you followed along, I really thought, “this kid is going to be something.” And you wrote down your name and contact information on an index card just like I asked! I even told my friend Oliver all about how bright you are. Oliver didn’t say much, but he listened and nodded his head in agreement. Oliver is my cat.

How can you not already know about classical conditioning? Haven’t you ever seen Clockwork Orange? I’ve watched it often. I can’t watch it anymore because it scares Oliver. But it’s a good movie. You should see it sometime.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:225"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/f/6/collegehumor.ad937b4f074bca543727e036e28b33e7.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-09-22 14:33:07 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:225">Steve Hofstetter</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 34 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1721966 Syllabus From A Very Insecure Professor Mon, 05 Mar 2007 16:12:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1721966 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
We've all had a "cool" professor...
!slice
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:62906"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/5/collegehumor.4bf6d380bf75ddc921bc415562d1097c.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-03-05 16:12:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:62906">Elaine Carroll</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 86 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />