Good evening, parents. Please settle down. We've got a lot to cover tonight, so if everyone would please take your seats. Except for... um... Mr. and Mrs. Bloomsbury, Mr. and Mrs. Grant, and Mr. and Mrs. Ludwig: your children were actually shrunken during Tuesday's potions class and eaten by tarantulas. So you're excused.

Everyone else can stay. Oh, I'm sorry. Not you, Mrs. Whitson. I forgot, your son was also eaten by tarantulas on Wednesday ... Excuse me? ... No, he wasn't shrunken. I believe someone cast a growth spell on the tarantulas ... Of course we killed those tarantulas on Tuesday. These were different tarantulas.

So, I apologize for the confusion. But we are now totally ready to begin ... What was that, Peter? ... Yes, I assure you those are all the students who were eaten by tarantulas this month—except for Mr. and Mrs. Gallagher's two daughters. You two are also excused.