CollegeHumor: Roommates Articles This Month http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790863 The Anatomy of a Dorm Room Tue, 01 Sep 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790863 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
College is a time filled with decisions. What to major in, whether or not to join a frat and, most importantly, how to arrange the beds in your dorm room. Once you unpack all your stuff it's really annoying to move them again. Here are the pros and cons for the seven most common dorm-bed configurations.


Traditional

Pros: Clearly divides the room, providing you and your roommate with your own personal space.
Cons: At some point you will see your roommate have sex while he thinks you're sleeping.

The Sleepover

Pros: Opens up the center of the room for fun activities like beer pong, or lame ones like Dance Dance Revolution.
Cons: It's creepy. Everyone will think you're weird.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:631494"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/d/collegehumor.aefefba05adec0eb158d18dd8d36a1b2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-09-01 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:631494">Kevin Corrigan</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:344"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1048 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789446 Who's Bringing the Microwave? Fri, 07 Aug 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789446 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:326"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/9/collegehumor.45397a4c6c8241522ef776b95348cf0f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-07 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:326">Jeff Rosenberg</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1653 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788267 The 7 Kinds of Roommates Fri, 17 Jul 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788267 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Roommates are horrible.  See?  But they're also easily slotted into one of seven different kinds.  Try to figure out which one your roommate is!

The Toddler

It might start off simply- "Oh, I lost my key", or "Hey, could I print this out on your computer?"  but the dependency has only begun.  Pretty soon he's asking you which shirt looks better with these khakis as you fill out the complicated parts of his FAFSA application. Of course, all of this is just child's play compared to weekends.  Even the most prolonged use of your toothpaste has nothing on what happens when this enormous preschooler gets a hold of a bottle of booze.  You spend most weekend nights fielding calls from a guy named J-Rock telling you that no one can get him out of the sycamore outside Sigma Nu. When you finally drag him home at 4:15 AM, you'll be rewarded with a bonus round of projectile vomiting brought to you by his accidental alcohol poisoning. It's a good thing his mom left a laminated sheet of emergency numbers glued to your tack board!


The Mascot

Hopefully you like your school's colors, because before you moved in, your roommate and his parents came early and repainted your room. Your spirited roommate has no standards for people other than the fact that they go to your school. Thus the glaring douchiness of a person doesn't matter to him as long as they are coincidentally chosen and enrolled in your class. Whenever you wear a red shirt, your roommate boos you and says, "F*ck the Wildcats," at which point you try to explain to them that red is not wolverines, it's a color. Eventually he will decide to run for student government and your front door will be plastered with campaign posters. He considers his running for office the biggest moment of your life, and never allows you to fall asleep as he explains to you all the bright new ideas he has about fresh produce in the cafeteria and a sure fire plan that will get the Guster to perform in the stadium. You won't vote for him, but he will still win the election and you will be stuck eating healthier school lunches and pretending to like Guster. 
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-17 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 358 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751983 Your Roommate Goes Broke via Rent Check Fri, 28 Mar 2008 10:34:12 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1751983 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1484743"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/f/collegehumor.66d559c6e6785c3aa3eabfbfd7da899f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-03-28 10:34:12 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1484743">David Siegel</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 197 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1748629 Your Roommate, Translated Wed, 23 Jan 2008 16:16:41 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1748629 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
How old is your sister?
Your sister is hot
Wanna see what's on ESPN?
Dude, stop watching Full House.
Wanna help me clean?
Want to pick your sh*t up?
Hey, my girlfriend is coming here this weekend.
Hey, you need to find somewhere to sleep this weekend.
Is it cool if I borrow your deodorant?
I borrowed your deodorant.
What time do you get out of class?
How long do I have to whack it?
Are you goin' to eat?
Can I whack it?
You goin' to throw out the trash?
Can I whack it?
You goin' anywhere tonight?
Can I borrow your car? Can I whack it?
I need to get some studying done.
Turn off your Lou Bega CD.
I like this shirt.
I'm borrowing this shirt...and puking on it...then sneaking it back into your closet without washing it.
Dude...I kissed your sister
Dude...I boned your sister
My internet connection is messed up.
Can I watch porn on your computer?
Dude I haven't gotten laid in so long.
Wanna hook up?
Just kidding.
Don't tell anyone.
Do you have any lube?
Do you have any lube?
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:298"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/1/collegehumor.2618616bb5cffc06c7d7b8216893ee97.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-01-23 16:16:41 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:298">Jake Hurwitz</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:55"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 180 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1722457 My Roommate, The Bully! Thu, 08 Mar 2007 15:22:50 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1722457 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
This is their story



2 P.M. Living Room – Nerd comes home from class, sits down on the couch and turns on the TV. Bully enters.

Bully: Well, Well, Well. Look what we have here...

Nerd: Come on, Blake... Leave me alone.

Bully: Unlikely.

(Bully steals the remote and throws it out of the window)

Nerd: That’s your remote, too.

(Bully puts Nerd in a headlock)

Bully: This is for patronizing me.

Nerd: Get off of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/f/collegehumor.7cc2e0696d5c5ce7891a75df31a50bd8.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-03-08 15:22:50 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 39 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1717145 Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr - First Year College Roommates Tue, 30 Jan 2007 09:30:33 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1717145 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Letters between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr were recently discovered.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:62906"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/5/collegehumor.4bf6d380bf75ddc921bc415562d1097c.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-01-30 09:30:33 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:62906">Elaine Carroll</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 256 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1706630 Annoying Your Roommate Thu, 09 Nov 2006 13:12:42 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1706630 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Waiting to go home for Thanksgiving Break, sitting in your stuffy room with your lame roommate can really suck, but you can escape this mundane existence. Just try some of these ways to annoy your roommate:

Mess with his computer: Switch his mouse to the “left handed†settings, remove the “B†button, or make a screen saver that says he has a tiny dick- it’s both hilarious, and true

Hide the remote: Not anywhere that’s impossible to find, try in a laundry basket, a desk drawer or taped to the building outside the window. The real beauty of this trick is that when your roommate finally finds the remote, you’ve taken out the batteries.

Reverse the bed: Sure it’s an easy fix, but it’s annoying nonetheless. Also, when your roommate starts to remake the bed, he’ll find the massive crap you left in the sheets.

Send e-mails from his computer: “Dear Professor, The only thing stupider than your stupid eyeglasses is your stupid face and your stupid dead wife.†Or “Dear Mom, I’m gay. Seriously. I have sex with men and like it. And I’m attracted to Dad.â€

Steal his money: I’m not talking about the mug of quarters he keeps on his desk, or the 24 dollars he has in his wallet. I’m saying follow him to the ATM, watch him put in his PIN, memorize it, steal his card while he’s sleeping and go empty his bank account.

Fork him: Simple. When he’s in the dining hall trying to balance his enormous tray of french fries and Coca Cola just stick your foot out and trip him. When he hits the ground and everyone starts applauding you jump on him and stab him with a fork, then say, “You’ve been forked, mother-forker!â€

Put all his stuff in the hall: And set it on fire.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:298"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/1/collegehumor.2618616bb5cffc06c7d7b8216893ee97.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2006-11-09 13:12:42 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:298">Jake Hurwitz</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:55"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 113 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1717425 10 Signs That Your Friend Is Using Steroids Wed, 31 Jan 2007 18:51:43 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1717425 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> 1) Your friend punched a hole through a wall and started crying when he saw that you guys were out of skim milk.


2) You accidentally saw your friends bank statement and noticed that he spent $200 at Baby Gap on ribbed white tees and hip hugger jeans.


3) Your friend was folding laundry, and as you passed by you heard him mumbling to himself, "Come on push it. Come on you little pussy! Just get through this last load, come on you little puss, PUSH IT!"


4) You went to go whack it to your friend's porno "Titty Titty Bang Bang" and when you popped in the DVD, "Pumping Iron" starring Arnold Schwarzenegger came on.


5) Your friend used up a years supply of Proactiv in one week, on his shoulder blades and asscrack alone.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/default/collegehumor.jester.23.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 34 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1730729 Increasingly Disturbing Notes Left By My Roommate Doug, The English Major Mon, 14 May 2007 10:39:55 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1730729 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Found September 4, at 3:43 p.m.



E-mailed to me while in Chem class, Dec 13, 4:34 p.m.


Found on desk, four days after I arrived home from spring break, March 23, 2:23 a.m.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:388390"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/2/collegehumor.450937a5b52303e803b6021242b1a2e2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:388390">Bond</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:165"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 35 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734359 The Note You Hope Your Summer Roommate Doesn't Leave Wed, 20 Jun 2007 00:54:45 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734359 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:903623"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/1/collegehumor.564c4896c8d3d7fa61da629114b27958.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:903623">Nelson Greaves</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:186"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 57 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1746882 The One-Step Roommate Test Wed, 19 Dec 2007 14:39:20 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1746882 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Whether you've been placed with someone in a new dorm or you're giving craigslist a shot, living with a stranger can be difficult. Chances are- based upon that three-question campus housing survey, or the all-caps posting begging for NO GAYS PLEASE, you and your new roommate probably aren't the best match. You might have a few days to back out before you're stuck, so be sure to do the following immediately upon meeting your roommate:

Fart...and make sure it's audible. If he/she...

a. Laughs
You're lucky. Good roommates are hard to come by.

b. Awkwardly avoids it
Sharing tight living quarters will be ten times more awkward then those 30 seconds.

c. Glares in disgust
You're not going through the discomfort of holding it in for an entire semester.

d. Farts in return
Pack your bags. That's disgusting.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1687126"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/f/collegehumor.368a9ee9d08f62ea65b757bfd5f83680.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1687126">Fatawesome</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 48 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />