One day after going to the gym I went to my friend's house and a girl suggested to me via text that she give me a ride home. I never had time to shower. Before she dropped me off, we were making out in her car and she started licking my neck. When she came back up to my mouth, all I could taste was the salt from my sweat. She hasn't talked to me since.
-Stuart, UT

My girlfriend and I were watching a college basketball game a few weeks ago. The announcer says "there are 2 minutes left in the first half." My girlfriend turns to me and asks "How many halves are there in a college basketball game?" She is no longer my girlfriend.
-James, PA

The summer before sophomore year of high school I had a boyfriend who I hadn't really done anything with. When it came time for us to kiss, he leaned in and literally sucked the skin around my mouth and stuck his tongue down my throat for minutes on end. Again and again. I went home at 7:30 because I "don't want to wake my parents up".
-Luisa

This week on Springer

The modern woman isn't afraid of a challenge and nothing sparks that competitive flame within us all like pitting two friends against each other. Here's the thing fellas, behind every obnoxious BFF LYLAS 4 EVA friendship is the insatiable desire to claw each others' eyes out. Why else would chicks dig pillow fights and mud wrestling so much? Start talking up the object of your desire (henceforth known as "Prey") and then flip the switch and go for her friend. I know what you're thinking, "Won't they both see through my thinly veiled attempt to double my odds?" The answer, of course, is no. We're not that smart.

2. Be Yourself

Now that you've got the attention of her and her friend, feel free to just let your guard down and be... hahaha just kidding.

I go to a Christian College. I met a girl from the local State school and invited her over to watch a movie. I told her to pick the movie so she rented "The strangers" because it was close to Halloween. She got mad when she got to my dorm and realized that we had to watch the movie in our dorm lobby because our dorm rules only allow girls in our rooms from 6-9 P.M. once every 3 weeks. It got worse because I told her rated R movies are banned on campus. About 25 minutes into the movie the dorm manager noticed we were watching an R-rated movie, turned it off, and kicked the girl out. It's safe to say that any chance with her is gone, she hasn't answered any of my calls and I am transferring ASAP.
-Dustin, Lincoln Christian College

When I was in 8th grade, I started getting these weird phone calls and messages from this girl at a rival high school. I thought it was weird, but decided to roll with it because I hadn't exactly been the luckiest stud on the block. She started leaving really graphic messages about what she wanted to do to me, so I decided to call her back. It was at this point she told me it was all an elaborate prank that her and her best friend had come up with after drinking 2 Mike's Hard Lemonade's a piece. Mike's. Hard. Lemonade.
-Alex

My girlfriend hated Transformers 2 because there was "too much" robot fighting.
-Anonymous

My GF of six years dumped me the week of finals, seven days before I graduated college. She said she, "wanted time to be single and trust her own decision making." Six months later, she was engaged, pregnant and enlisted in the army.
-Rich

This August while sleeping on an air mattress on vacation, my girlfriend pissed herself, and because I'm heavier than her, it all came down and pooled around me. I woke up shivering, soaked in my girlfriend's piss.
-Drew, Wayne State

I once bought my (ex)girlfriend flowers for no reason. Immediately after I gave them to her my roommate came home and we started talking about what he was doing for his girlfriend for thier anniversary. With the flowers still in her hand she turned to me and said "Why don't you ever do things like that for me?"
-Will

I was a 19 year old college freshman dating another 19 year old college freshman. We stopped in at a Dunkin' Donuts that he frequented. Upon walking up to the counter, the cashier said, "Oh hi, Chris! Is this your mom?"
-Hillari

My significant other of a year and a half cried hysterically for an hour and swore to never talk to me again because I jokingly said I was more attractive then her.
-Nick

My ex-girlfriend's favorite band was Nickelback...
-Dan, UTK.

I went with my (now ex) girlfriend to a Coinstar machine. It's one of those things where you dump in coins and it gives you a check for the amount so you don't have to count them out and roll them. On the side of the machine it says that the fee is 9 cents for every dollar of coins you put in. I commented how that was a rip off. She replied word for word. "Yeah. 9 cents for every dollar, that's like twenty percent!" She's trying to get into grad school....
-Paul, BSU

My Girlfriend was watching Saturday Night Live online and stopped it to ask me "When does SNL come out on T.V?"
-Anonymous

I was casually dating a guy at the end of my senior year of college. He was planning on transferring to a school about two and a half hours away from my future grad school. We came to the mature, adult decision to not expect the relationship to go much further, because he did not want to commit to a long-distance relationship. The next morning, his Facebook status has changed to "In a Relationship" with another girl. Their schools are seven hours apart.
-Steph

My girlfriend stopped in a middle of a make out session to complain about how we didn't make out anymore.
-Dan

A few months ago I got called by a potential lady friend of mine that wanted to watch zombie movies. Later that night she got mad at me because we actually watched zombie movies.
-Jacob, Eastern Illinois University

During 6th grade year I asked some girl if we could go out during the last period of school, she said yes. After the period ended and I was on my way to my school bus her friend came up to me and told me that she had broken up with me. I cried the entire bus ride home.
-Ewout, Kegweed Community College

I was dating this girl from Long Island and she was telling me how it should be separate from upstate New York. She went on to say, "Yeah, Long Island should be the 52nd state." I looked at her with a face of disappointment and asked her, "Wait, what is the 51st state?" She looked at me confused and said, "Please tell me you are kidding, you can't be that dumb."
-Steve

I had to have jaw surgery when I was 21, so I had braces at 22. When I asked a girl in my short story class out, she asked me how old I was.
-Matt

Back in senior year of high school I asked a girl out , the first time I was able to work up the nerve, on a date. she said yes and I was the happiest I had ever been, 2 days later I called her back and asked her if she wanted to go out on Monday night (we had Tuesday off for election day). She said she would've loved to but she had to go visit her boyfriend at college.
-Jeremy NY

My girlfriend asked me the other day if the sun and the moon were the same thing. I gave her a blank stare and said "well we've landed on the moon." She replied, "No we didn't...We landed on Mars." She is studying to become an anesthesiologist.
-John, UWEC

I once got into a fight with my girlfriend while listening to Weird Al's "Dare to Be Stupid" album. There's nothing more surreal than yelling at someone while "Girls Just Want to Have Lunch" plays in the background.
-Travis

My girlfriend of 2 years and I were having another fight about my lack of commitment. She said all she needed was a promise ring and she would be happy. So I took off my class ring, got down on one knee and slipped the ring on her finger and said, "I promise...that if you keep bugging me about this, this will be the last ring I ever put on your finger." I am currently single.
-Mike

My girlfriend sent me the following e-mail early on - and halfway through - our relationship: "I never realized some things were important to me until we started dating. I know that if something is important to me, I should never think it is stupid. That being said, I would like to explain my thing about movies. I don't care for watching movies I have never seen before. I have a collection of comfort movies I have seen many times that I will watch. I realize this may sound strange to you, but as you know, I am a strange individual." Seriously. I never want to see Elizabethtown or Meet The Fockers ever again.
-Michael, Vancouver BC

One year for Christmas my (ex) boyfriend gave me "Snakes on a Plane" as a present. And nothing else.
-Meg, NCSU

Every girlfriend I have ever had has asked, "Am I your first girlfriend?" When I answer no, they all give me that "what a bunch of bullsh*t" laugh. Am I really that pathetic?
-Cameron

I met my girlfriend at the very start of freshman year, and we dating all the way through. Over the summer, her parents made her go to Korea, for pretty much the whole summer. Because when she got back it would be around our 1 year anniversary. I spent $250 on Rosetta Stone to learn Korean for her. Spent the summer doing that. I also spent $300 on Phantom of the Opera tickets. She got back, three days later, broke up with me over a text message. Now I'm single, I can speak Korean, and have an extra front row ticket to Phantom of the Opera.
-Justin, NYU

My wife of less than a month just got mad at me b/c my sim in Sims 3 has a girlfriend who is not her. Never mind the fact, her sim has 3 boyfriends and an illegitimate child.
-Ev

My ex-girlfriend in high school left me for a guy that does melee and wears a kilt.
-Donn

I was dating a girl on and off for several months. It was the anniversary of our first kiss, and I mentioned it to her. She responded with, "Why do you remember that?" and then called me a creep.
-Jason, UNR

You know the song "Hey There Delilah" by the Plain White T's? It's about a guy telling his girlfriend that they can make a long distance relationship work. I used to think it was a cool and cute song. Of course this was before it awkwardly came on the radio right after explaining that I didn't want to date her anymore because long distance relationships don't work.
-Tristan, U of MN

Awhile ago my boyfriend told me his Facebook password after we had been dating for a year because he, "completely trusted" me...of course, he then asked me for mine so I gave it to him. Later, because he trusted me so much, he looked up message threads I had from over three years ago and yelled at me for being a slut.
-Jane, UIUC