CollegeHumor: Star Wars Articles This Month http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794411 No Droids Allowed Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794411 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
"Oh, no, we're not together."

Luke, C-3PO and R2-D2 walk into the Mos Eisley Cantina. The Bartender stops them.

Bartender: Hey! We don't serve their kind here!

Luke: What?

Bartender: Your droids. They'll have to wait outside.

C-3PO and RD-D2 turn to leave.

Bartender: Oh, sorry, the short one can stay. Just not the shiny, prissy one.

Luke: I'm sorry?

Bartender: The effeminate one with the lisp. We don't serve his kind here.

C-3PO: Apologies, sir, it's a British accent. If it offends you, I can certainly...

Luke cuts him off.

Luke: What are you trying to say, buddy?

Bartender: I just think there are some cantinas on the west side that might be more his speed.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-17 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 31 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794006 Luke Skywalker Gets Adopted Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794006 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Uncle Owen: So...you think this is the best idea?

Obi-Wan: Of course, you're Luke's only living relative. Where else is he supposed to go?

Uncle Owen: I was thinking anywhere else. This is absolutely the first place that anyone would look for him.

Obi-Wan: Who's gonna be looking for him?

Uncle Owen: Hmmm...maybe ANAKIN?! My psycho half-brother who is now Emporer Palpatine's apprentice. Remember him?

Obi-Wan: Uncle Owen, I chopped off his legs and watched him get all burned up. It's not like anyone has the technology to heal him.

Uncle Owen: What?! They absolutely do. We can travel at light speed through outer space, we sure as hell can heal some burn victim who has magic powers. I've got a bad feeling about this...

Obi-Wan: I wouldn't worry. It's not like he'd be able to find you.

Uncle Owen: Oh yeah, I'm sure the Emporer's right hand man would never think to check his home planet, his only living relative, or the only other person in the galaxy named "Skywalker." Can't we call him something else? How about Luke Smith?

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-09 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 82 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792960 5 Star Wars Questions Which Keep Me Up at Night Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792960 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> I love Stars Wars, but I spend way too much time thinking about it. Literally, every night before I fall asleep I ponder life-changing questions about Star Wars like:

It's just mean to make him stand up there without giving him a medal.

1.  Why does Chewbacca not get a medal?

At the end of the movie Luke and Han are rewarded for their efforts with medals. However, Chewbacca does not receive a medal. Did I miss something? Chewbacca risked his life to save Luke and help destroy the Death Star. For all we know, it was Chewbacca who actually fired the shot that hit the right spot on that one other Tie fighter that bumped into Darth Vader's Tie fighter just in the right way to send him spinning into space away from the Death Star thus leaving the plot open to sequels. I for one, thank you Chewbacca. I suspect that Chewbacca did not get a medal based on race, which is total bullshit. They live in a world where Jar Jar Binks can become a galactic senator, but they won't give Chewy a medal. I'd hate to see what racist anti-Wookie laws are enacted once the Rebellion has gained power.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1931879"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/e/collegehumor.60da4e1813d3cd3c3c8485fe3e43ce37.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-21 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1931879">Casey Campbell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:386"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 59 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792370 Tripadvisor Reviews From The Movies Mon, 05 Oct 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792370 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2121802"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/5/collegehumor.218f593a64bda80e5dd9f085f32e7c93.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-05 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:2121802">Tom Philip</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 90 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792226 The Problem With Red Lightsabers Thu, 01 Oct 2009 13:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792226 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Anakin: All I'm saying is that if we were allowed to marry women, Yoda would stop making awkward passes at us.

Obi-Wan: Can't argue with you there.

Anakin: And another thing-

Obi-Wan: Whoa, whoa. Is that a new saber in your holster?

Anakin: ...What? Haha, no way man. Same old one I've always had.

Obi-Wan: Nope. The handle's totally different. Let me see! Let me see!

*Anakin resists, but Obi-Wan wrestles it away from him.*

Obi-Wan: This looks so badass. How do you turn it on?

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/a/collegehumor.3fc86fae9d1470ed6013e7fafc3e1807.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-01 13:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824">Brian Murphy</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 336 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788157 Collateral Damage Fri, 17 Jul 2009 12:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788157 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1795790"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/f/3/collegehumor.b1fc091f9f1185060f9a85a363bd969c.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-17 12:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1795790">Jim Dunson</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 239 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788129 Ten Original Singles Way Better than the Movies they Came From Wed, 15 Jul 2009 18:30:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788129 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> When good music meets good movies, it's a beautiful thing. When great music meets terrible movies, it's a hilarious thing. Here are 10 classic singles originally written for 10 not-so-classic films.

Stevie Wonder, "I Just Called to Say I Love You"
(from The Woman in Red)



Stevie Wonder's 1984 single has become such a ubiquitous expression of everyday love, its impossible to imagine the song taking any other route than straight from Wonder's smiling head to our 10th-grade Valentine's Day mix CDs. But the uncomfortable reality is that the tune was first played as a 50-year-old Gene Wilder lusted after a 25-year-old Kelly Lebrock. The Woman in Red was supposed to be the 10 to Gene Wilder's Dudley Moore, and Wonder's "I Just Called to Say I Love You" was supposed to be the kind of lighthearted song that makes audiences forget the quarter-century age gap between their on-screen lovers.


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1562982"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/5/collegehumor.a38249fddab8bb4c357d45a5e57a11dc.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-15 18:30:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1562982">Jeff & Patrick</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 81 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776465 Seven Movie Posters That Almost Were Wed, 27 May 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776465 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Traditionally, historians don't like to play "what if" with history. You can't change the past, so better to focus on what did happen, not what could have happened. Of course, while history majors were getting their PhD's, the rest of us were hanging around our dorms, wondering what it'd be like if some of our favorite films had went with their original leading men.

American Psycho
(Leonardo DiCaprio as Patrick Bateman)
Shortly after its publication in 1991, Bret Easton Ellis's notoriously violent 1991 novel was deemed "unfilmable." Of course in movie parlance "unfilmable" is shorthand for "unfilmable until sufficient hype is built up," and 10 years of rumors and unproduced scripts followed -- including talk of Johnny Depp in the lead role. But it was Leonardo DiCaprio who came closest to filling Patrick Bateman's blood-splattered tennis shoes when Lions Gate Films officially announced DiCaprio was cast as the film's lead. Fortunately, DiCaprio soon realized the hordes of 13-year-old girls who fell in love with him in Titanic may not be best served by seeing their idol chase a terrified hooker with a chainsaw, and the role went to Christan Bale.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1562982"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/5/collegehumor.a38249fddab8bb4c357d45a5e57a11dc.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-05-27 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1562982">Jeff & Patrick</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 214 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1770636 George Lucas' Notes Before Re-mastering The Star Wars Trilogy Wed, 18 Feb 2009 15:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1770636 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/a/collegehumor.3fc86fae9d1470ed6013e7fafc3e1807.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-02-18 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824">Brian Murphy</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 153 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758078 The Simple Truth Thu, 26 Jun 2008 14:14:42 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758078 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:814035"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/2/collegehumor.db71ed602e2a90ac843466e29dc1ddd7.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-06-26 14:14:42 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:814035">Josh Taylor</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1092"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 431 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754107 The Long Lost Diary of Chewbacca: What He Really Thought Tue, 29 Apr 2008 14:26:30 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754107 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
April 21, A Long Time Ago
Dear Diary,
Does anyone ever think about how hot it is on Tatooine for a wookie? I mean, its 2891, you think they'd have some kind of air conditioning here by now. This shit is getting out of hand with Han. All we do is smuggle foreign alien crack from one planet to another. We've got a fat slug sending his bounty hunters after us, and now we've got some crazy old guy telling us something about some force bullshit, and that he'll pay us a bunch of cash to take him, another loony kid and 2 droids to some craphole Alderaan. I guess we could use the money to get Jabber or Jabba or Jibby the slug off our ass. I'll write again once we leave Alderaan.

Aggrivated and Hot,
Chewie

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:772514"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/6/collegehumor.499118b57325b45ac79029f6ba82ede1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-29 14:26:30 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:772514">Mike</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:215"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 18 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1741255 Great Military Blunders of the Galactic Empire Tue, 25 Sep 2007 21:02:35 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1741255 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Darth Vader's tyrannical Empire struck fear into an entire galaxy. Sadly, his fleet was also behind some embarrassingly ill-planned military ventures. Reviewing early Imperial schematics, the Sith Lord himself expressed serious doubts about his soldiers' tactical choices...
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/b/collegehumor.bf47a312f8c3b3d327c1333b4268bdca.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-09-25 21:02:35 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226">Patrick Cassels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:857"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 217 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1738514 My Ill-Conceived Jr. High Love Letter Tue, 14 Aug 2007 15:21:33 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1738514 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> I was going through some of my notes from junior high the other night and came across a love letter I wrote to Jessica King, this really pretty girl who sat two rows in front of me in my 8th-grade U.S. History class.

In retrospect, my romantic sentiments could have been better expressed.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/b/collegehumor.bf47a312f8c3b3d327c1333b4268bdca.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-08-14 15:21:33 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226">Patrick Cassels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:857"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 142 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1727880 Horton Hears a Death Star Wed, 18 Apr 2007 21:33:18 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1727880 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Horton the elephant laughed and he played
By his jungle-side pool, one pleasant May day,

When all of a sudden, he heard a faint ZUP
Like the sound of a bottle cap opening up.

When again came the noise, Horton's halt was abrupt,
For just then he realized a speck was what zupped!

Looking at it more closely, he saw it was shiny,
And that it was vast, however much tiny.

On it were robots and doodads and space ships entire,
Sectors and armies: a total empire!

Horton immediately held out a clover
To catch the poor thing before it fell over.
 
"My name is Horton" he started to to yell,
"Is anyone there? Are you safe? Are you well?"
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:125691"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/e/collegehumor.67bf994ca1a84107778cf1ee3cdae8f9.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-04-18 21:33:18 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:125691">Nick G</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 37 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />