CollegeHumor: Superheroes Articles This Month http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774003 If I Were a Superhero Fri, 17 Apr 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774003 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
"It's so hard being invincible. No one understands me..."

I'm so sick of emo superheroes. If I had superpowers I would use them ALL the time. And if people decided to oppress me, I'd break them over my knee and punt them into outerspace. LET'S HEAR YOU SONSOFBITCHES GUFFAW FROM SPACE. (Note: If it weren't for there being no sound in space, I would undoubtedly be able to hear their guffaws with my super hearing.)

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/a/collegehumor.3fc86fae9d1470ed6013e7fafc3e1807.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-17 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824">Brian Murphy</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 399 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758129 Why Superheroes Shouldn't Have Girlfriends Fri, 27 Jun 2008 12:22:57 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758129 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Woman: Help! Someone stole my purse.
Captain Power: Fear not, citizen! For I am Captain Pow-
Girlfriend: Oh my GOD! You DID NOT just hit on someone in front of me!
CP: Chill babe...I'm just doing my job.
GF: Why do you want to help her anyway? Do you think she's pretty?
CP: No, of course not.
GF: Yeah, REAL convincing.
CP: Come on, don't be mad. Please, babe?
GF: You always do this, Joe. You KNOW I've been totally stressing out about not having an outfit for Saturday.
W: He's getting away!
GF: *cough* SLUT *cough*
W: Please! Help me!
CP: He's almost out of sight. But if I use my super speed I ca-
GF: *sigh*
CP: What's that about?
GF: Nothing.
CP: Are you pissed? You look like you're pissed.
GF: I'm fine.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/a/collegehumor.3fc86fae9d1470ed6013e7fafc3e1807.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-06-27 12:22:57 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824">Brian Murphy</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 380 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734817 The Adventures of the Sidekick Squad Mon, 25 Jun 2007 16:08:34 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734817 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> The Sidekick Squad: Five heroic avengers, bringing justice to our world.


Woman Tied To Train Tracks: The Sidekick Squad! Thank God you’re here to help me!
Robin: Well, we don't actually –
*TRAIN CRUSHES WOMAN*
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Man About To Be Sliced In Half By Spinning Blade: Sidekick Squad! Quick, untie me!
Jimmy Olsen: It's just that we –
*BLOOD SPLATTERS EVERYWHERE*
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Woman About To Fall From Skyscraper: Please, Sidekick Squad! Pull me up!
Luigi: My brother should be here in about –
*BLOODCURDLING SCREAM*
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Man About To Be Mauled By a Bear: Sidekick Squad! Save me from this bear!
Tinkerbell: Just think happy thou –
*SOUND OF TEARING FLESH*
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Plane Passenger: Does anybody know how to fly this thing?!
Robin: Okay, guys. We have time; we can do this.
Jimmy Olsen: You go first.
Robin: No, why don't you handle this one?
Luigi: We’ll need the code for the auto-pilot.
Tinkerbell: Chewy, you memorized the code. What is it?
Chewbacca: [incomprehensible]
*MASSIVE EXPLOSION*
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-06-25 16:08:34 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 36 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />