Episode 2.11

Tonight’s episode of Dexter had a striking resemblance to all of my experiences at Taco Bell: it was delicious, it gave me huge cravings for actual steak, and then ended with me getting really bad diarrhea.

It’s just that nothing really happened during this episode, is all. The episode picked up right where we left off last week and the only thing that really changed in the plot was that Lila found the cabin and things are starting to be wrapped up into a nice, neat Hefty garbage bag full of severed body parts.

Season Two, Episode One

Okay, so how awesome was the beginning of season two? I have to admit that after watching the Ice Truck Killer tilted upside down getting drained of his blood in the last season, I thought the plotline would have to suffer at least a little this season. But as usual, I was wrong.

The final episode last year ended with Dexter killing his own brother who turned out to be both the elusive Ice Truck Killer and Dexter’s long lost brother. I really hope Debra found some time for counseling in between seasons because that sort of experience could really mess with one’s head.

Episode #2.2

This was an average episode compared to the season two premiere, which is sort of like having sex with Scarlett Johansson and then telling people she looks mediocre when she wears clothes. What I’m saying is that this episode could have included Doakes signing up for an eHarmony account and it still wouldn’t have been quite as good as the last episode. But it’s still an episode of Dexter, which means it remains superior to most of the shows those silly people without cable watch.

Dexter begins the episode by pondering pretty much the same questions I typed aloud at the end of the last Morning After, such as why the hell he can’t kill and wondering what’s wrong with him regarding said issue.

Remember the gang banger’s widow from the last episode who said she would testify against Chino? Yeah, she’s dead. Although we later find out that Little Chino didn’t do it himself, he was clearly behind it. The community isn’t stoked about this murder either, which is made clear enough by the pre-teen who calls Debra a bitch. Ahh, little Miami children on bikes grow up so fast these days.

The new Lieutenant not only is ugly and rude, but apparently can’t quit arguing with her fiance so Laguerta is nice and covers for her. If I were Laguerta, not only would I be Hispanic and a woman, but I would also sabotage the shit out of her and get my old job back.

It occurred to me that there have been more children hanging out at crime scenes (~3) than people Dexter has killed this season (0). That’s not right on many levels.

It turns out the city of Miami really likes nicknaming serial killers as shown by their immediate dubbing of the Bay Harbor Butcher. Dexter thinks it’s pretty lame and I agree.

At this point, Dexter understands it would be wise to find Chino before Chino finds him. Right after Dexter (well, his voiceover) says that, he realizes he is being tailed. He pulls over and goes to confront who he assumes is Chino but turns out it’s Doakes just doing what he does every night.

Doakes needs a Mrs. Doakes.

We are introduced to the main man who will be investigating the case involving all of those bodies found on the ocean floor-- Frank Lundy. Doakes is sucking up real hard to Lundy, in attempts of being assigned to the new serial killer case. How ironic that Doakes is trying so hard to get on the taskforce that would enable him to get paid for what he already does in his spare time: investigating Dexter. It's amusing.

Surprise! Chino waltzes into the station, sporting that sweet scar on his cheek, and makes Dexter a bit nervous. He basically comes in to give the cops his alibi for the dead lady’s murder. Well now we know that Dex will take care of him since the law can’t.

Dexter decided he'll finish Chino so he takes some tranquilizers out from the department, which apparently are capable of “taking down a goddamn grizzly.” Maybe it’s not a great idea to borrow your killing tools from the police station but I’ll let him worry about that one.

Just as I --and every other competent viewer of this show predicted-- Rita is pissed at Dexter. Why Rita wants to use $5,000 to bury Paul is beyond me. She might as well just give the kids to Dexter for a week and go to Vegas and not come back until she’s broke again. But I guess it’s a good thing they had the funeral (which was attended by no one else) because it made Dexter realize that he, too, had to let go. But of his brother, not Paul. Paul sucked.

Once again, Debra gets weird on a random guy when he begins to wrap her wrists, in attempts to teach her to box. Who cares if the last time someone taped your hands was when you were nearly murdered on a yacht under the tranquil moonlight? I would expect her to get benched pretty soon; it’s clear she is not over that relationship.

Dexter decides he will make another attempt to get rid of Chino, but for some reason he decides to do so while Chino is at a crowded party. He waits until Chino strays from the party of leanin’ cholos to smoke, where he attempts to shoot him with a tranquilizer but gets attacked by a few gang members. Luckily he pulls a Sideshow Bob and hides from them under a car. At this point is when I stopped feeling bad for Dexter and started getting angry. It’s not THAT hard to kill someone, just fucking do it already. Dexter kind of sucks when he feels emotions.

Midway through the episode, we witness perhaps the best moment ever when Deb runs down the wiseass kid on the bike from the earlier crime scene and pulls a gun on him for tagging her car. That’ll teach him! In addition to wetting himself, he gives up the location of the 29th Street Kings. Just think if this tactic of shoving guns in the faces of children were used more often in the real world, we would have the War on Drugs won by Thursday.

It took three tries but he finally did it. Dexter FINALLY kills Chino. This time he didn’t do anything stupid like go hang out at a party full of gang members at night. (Honestly, that had to have been an absolutely terrible neighborhood, Dex.) This time he was smart and knew Chino was going to eventually try to whack Joey, the kid who snitched on the gang and peed himself, and was there waiting for him. One giant harpoon and some heavy lifting later, Chino is on the operating table. Dexter’s last minute lectures about why they are being chosen are always good and this is no exception. It’s even better when they try to apologize in hopes of being let go. Chino doesn’t do that but he’s dead now, so oh well.

Dexter finally found a new spot for his victims, dumping Chino’s gigantic limbs into a strong ocean current that will scatter him across the continent. Maybe if he had done that sooner, there wouldn’t be a manhunt for the Bay Harbor Butcher taking place.

It’s always awesome when Dexter answers his cell while in the middle of dumping bodies. I would always be afraid of getting blood all over my phone. Luckily he’s not, so we get little lines like “I’m just dropping someone off.”

Anyway, Rita is still pissed and wants to talk to him so he goes over and she confronts him about Paul’s shoe that she found in the yard. Dexter plays dumb at first but Rita knows better so finally, Dex owns up to attacking Paul but says he did it on impulse. Because he admitted to previously stealing the drugs from the station, Rita gets some asinine idea that Dexter is a drug addict.

Man, she is not smart. At. All.

She assumes that the only way to figure out the correct amount of heroin to “give a big guy like Paul” is to use drugs yourself. I just Googled the phrase “how much to give a big guy like Paul” and I literally got 13.9 million results. You were so awesome last episode, Rita. Now you’re just stupid.

In attempts of saving their relationship and keeping his cover from getting blown, Dexter falsely admits to being a drug addict. So now he has to go into a treatment program that he doesn’t need. I sure hope it won’t interfere with bowling night. Either way, she's not mad at Dex anymore.

As the episode begins to wind down, we are given a random slow motion scene of Debra boxing. I have no idea what this was supposed to reveal, other than the fact that she hits like a girl.

Dex really needs to find a new spot for all of his blood samples, especially if Debra is going to be living with him much longer. It just makes me nervous for him when they’re in the air conditioner is all.

It looks like Dexter has finally gotten over not being able to kill. Finally. And all it took was throwing away the doll head that his brother left for him in his fridge way back when, thus showing us how he has moved on. Hopefully now he can get back to being the charming and efficient serial killer we all love.

As for next episode, we really have no clue what to expect since a lot of loose ends were tied up tonight. But as long as it involves Doakes signing up for that eHarmony account, it should be just fine.

Episode #2.3

Last episode saw Dexter falsely admit that he was a heroin addict, which means he now has to go to treatment. Why couldn’t he just keep denying it? It would have made all of this so much easier. Maybe it’s just that: it would have made all of this so much easier. Damn you, Showtime writers.

We find out that good tea enthusiast Special Agent Lundy put Deb on the Bay Harbor Butcher task force. She tried to get taken off of it all episode since she knows she is still messed up in the head, but apparently Lundy sees some talent in her since she somehow wasn’t killed by her fiance.

Episode #2.4


Welcome back, internet readers. How was your weekend? Just kidding, no one cares. Now get ready for your weekly dose of the best show on TV. Don't think so? That's fine, everyone's entitled to their opinions, except for when they're wrong like yours are. We pick back up in week three of the manhunt for the Bay Harbor Butcher, which if you’ve never seen the show is in fact the main protagonist, Dexter. But if you’ve never watched this show, why are you stupidly reading this article?

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Well, well, well.

Just when loyal Dexter viewers were wondering if the show was beginning to slip, tonight ousts the season premiere as the best one of the season. More things happened tonight than the previous four episodes combined, so this will be a little longer than usual.

Although this episode was a bit shorter than normal (don’t make it a habit, Showtime) – it had tons of sweet happenings packed in. Hitler references, frisky old men, and poetic chainsaw slayings, just to name a few.

At the start of the episode, the Miami PD thinks the Bay Harbor Butcher has some type of experience in law enforcement. After it’s discovered that someone signed a car out of evidence that was seen near the disappearance of a BHB victim, it is decided that the identity of the BHB belongs to someone working close in the department.