Cups numbered ten on opposing sides,
Beer flowing like the swelling tides.
Not too much, it is early yet, hold it, hold it:
Pong, pong, pong.

A majestic pyramid laid horizontal, balls soaring,
Gravity paints a furious arc as spheres slice through air,
Whoosh! Clang! Kerplunk.
Rerack twice, whenever is nice… for me.
Bounces are two but can be denied like “shoo, fly. Shoo.”
Pong, pong… pong!

If elbows cross the table, your shot is not able
           to be counted.
As in the velvety darkness of the bedroom,
hos may blow and guys finger, yes, faster now –
But if a made cup should linger,
    an assault could lead you to suffocating words:
“Game Over."

Dry your eyes when no cups remain, 
Arriving fast, the Redemption Train:
      Chugga chugga choo choo, chugga chugga brew.
Climb aboard and do your best,
But if you fail the test, bear the shame –
The “P” pops from lips puckered with pain.
Pong, p-pong, p-p-pong!

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Check out past poems here.

I thought tonight I'd meet a lady
I thought I'd bring her home
I thought we'd spend the night together
but instead I sleep alone

My buddy Steve had seen her first
I had no plans to interfere
They hit it off and left together
and left me with my beer

Don't read me wrong, I'm not upset
I'm proud, but to that end
I've done what any pal would do
I hit on her fat friend

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After a horrid mix of beer and wine
And too much time spent in a darkened bar
From the dense crowd emerged a woman fine
As cute as any, at least from afar.

“She’s a nine, at least; nay, she’s even more!”
My friends urged me on but behind my back
Said, “In a room of hags she’s still a four.”
I just stared, intrigued, at her ample rack.
                   
We found a corner we could call our own
A cry, “Last call!” could not our kissing cease
She rubbed her breasts and roared a manly groan.
Then lights flared on and I beheld a beast.
                       
If you’re going to drink, do so with care
Or else you’ll kiss fat girls with armpit hair.

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The dragon's fire burned as the warriors fought
fresh from the feast of the lunch that they had bought
"These broadswords are steel, they're real," they thought
though battle with dragons is a glory hard wrought

From the dining hall come four men walking our way
they appear ill-prepared for this dragon we'll slay
we'll war and we'll fight and we'll duel with swordplay
even though these four frat boys have declared us all gay

"Hey faggots, nice weapons, nice hat, and nice face,"
they yelled as I readied my PVC mace
Sir Gargsworth moved with me, we attacked with great haste
as wiffleball bats sailed right for their waists

The battle was neither long, nor epic, you see
For they must have had far greater hit-points than me
If I had ten more strength I'd break ropes and be free
but until I get leveled I'm tied to this tree

Tied down, beaten, they drew cocks on my friends
Yes, we're level eleven but we deserve to be ten
I know this is college, but why can't we pretend
We are not the gays, we LARP, and we're men.

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I got into the subway this morning
I saw a man
His lips were
...moving
Moving like mine
He was singing
the exact
same
song
that I was listening to.
In all the world...
two iPods
with the exact same song on
at the exact same moment.
OK,
that didn't really happen
But how f*cking cool would that be?

Pretty Girl (A Haiku)
Hey there pretty girl
I really want to punch you
in your stupid face

More of Kev's short poems after the jump..

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Oh, eleven inch piece of plastic,
So shiny and bright.
You're all that's in bed with me,
At the end of most nights.

You're always there,
I'm never in need.
You never pressure or force me,
Into doing the deed.

You don't expect much,
Sputtering and chugging along.
And I don't have to impress you,
By wearing a thong.

I never have to fake a headache,
Or feign being sick.
And while you aren't a douchebag,
You're still a big dick.

Oh, little C-battery powered friend,
With you, I can truly be me.
You don't judge me for coming to you once a day,
All right, let's be honest, sometimes three.

So while you don't bring me chocolates, roses,
Or other mushy stuff
You bring me something few men have,
And trust me, that's enough.

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She wants to get off
But you drank too much, retard.
Time to go diving.

You've done this before
It's not that difficult, right?
Don't gag, you drunk ass

Well, here goes nothing.
Kiss your way down her stomach...
Tease her for a sec.

Remember health class?
Where's that freaking clitoris?
What's a labia?

Forge ahead; you start
To finger-bang her softly.
Maybe a shocker?