CollegeHumor: The Right Opinion Articles This Month http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1721105 The Right Opinion: "Family Matters" Is Reality TV Tue, 27 Feb 2007 09:46:03 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1721105 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> The Right Opinion is the world’s first interactive opinion column. You submit the opinions, and I defend them to the death.

This week’s RIGHT OPINION: Family Matters was a revolutionary reality show. ~Submitted by DJNewStyle

Get out your dictionary, because you’re about to be intelligented.

I realize that some of you may cry foul. “Foul,” you may cry, “Family Matters wasn’t a reality show!” Give me a break. The evidence starts with the actors’ names: Reginald velJohnson, JoMarie Peyton-France, Rosetta LeNoire, Kellie Shanygne Williams, Telma Hopkins. Have you ever heard of a velJohnson? Is Shanygne even a word? Clearly the credits are fictional, and it’s the characters’ names that are real.

Paving the way for Road Rules, Family Matters placed a heavy emphasis on physical challenges. Remember when Eddie had to hang by a thread from a fire escape? He won that segment, but the others were not always so lucky. For instance, Carl Winslow once fell into a frozen pond, costing his team 20 points. In another episode, Urkel fell out of a hot-air balloon, and the opposing team won immunity. The most intense physical challenge that the cast members ever faced was having to learn the Urkel Dance, but in a dazzling display of courage and coordination, they survived that episode with ease.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-02-27 09:46:03 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 10 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1719095 The Right Opinion: Bigfoot Tue, 13 Feb 2007 11:40:15 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1719095 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> The Right Opinion is the world’s first interactive opinion column. You submit the opinions, and I defend them to the death.

This Week’s RIGHT OPINION: Bigfoot is alive and well, controlling mankind’s trains from his lair at the earth’s core. ~Submitted by Grant H., CT

Watch out, myth nerds – you’re about to be pwn3d by Bigfppt.

Bigfoot exists. After all, the only people that say otherwise are “Scientists,” or “Beaker Bitches,” who believe that imagination is a crime and routinely punish children for dreaming. “But why do you believe he is at the earth’s core?” you might ask. “Don’t interrupt me when I’m dropping knowledge,” I might answer.

Over hundreds of years of attacking and looting humans and their villages, Bigfoot has amassed a large fortune over which he currently sits protectively. The proof? When you rearrange the letters in “Sasquatch,” they spell “Cash Squat.” (They also spell “Cat Squash,” which we can all agree Bigfoot has done many times.)
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-02-13 11:40:15 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 16 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1717151 The Right Opinion: Osama bin Squirrel Tue, 30 Jan 2007 09:38:35 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1717151 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
The Right Opinion is an interactive opinion column. It's simple: You e-mail me (TheRightOpinion@gmail.com) the most absurd one-sentence opinions you can think of (for example: "Every Monday, Queen Elizabeth should wrestle an elk"). Every two weeks, I will choose one, declare it The Right Opinion, and defend it to the death.

This Week's RIGHT OPINION: "Osama bin Laden is actually a squirrel with peanut butter in his hair." ~Submitted by Kyle H., WI

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Connect your brain modem -- I'm a facts machine.

Why is it that we are unable to find Osama bin Laden? If you answered "because he's hiding in the mountainous border region between Jordan and Saudi Arabia, and he's definitely not a squirrel," then one half of you is up to its knees in wrong (your lower half, as it is the only half of you with knees).

The evidence for Mr. bin Laden's squirrelness is staggering. While not much is known about his childhood, we know that he is one of 55 children – a veritable litter of Ladens, suckling upon the fuzzy teat of terrorism. Consider the obvious point: From the caves to the trees, this man has devoted his life to gathering and organizing nuts.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-01-30 09:38:35 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 13 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1714497 The Right Opinion: WWIII Tue, 16 Jan 2007 10:40:37 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1714497 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Welcome, citizens, to The Right Opinion – the world's first interactive opinion column. It's simple: You e-mail me (TheRightOpinion@gmail.com) the most absurd one-sentence opinions you can think of (for example: "Computers should run on goats' blood"). Every two weeks, I will choose one, declare it The Right Opinion, and defend it to the death.

This Week's RIGHT OPINION: "World War III will occur from 2146 to 2190, and a sweater will win." ~Submitted by David Y., NY

Line the floor with bubble wrap – I'm about to drop some knowledge.

There is ample evidence that the current situation in Iraq will descend into all-out civil war, with the Sunnis drawing in Jordan and Saudi Arabia, the Shiites allied with Iran, and the Kurds backed by New Jersey. Under heavy Iraqi bombardment, New Jersey (which scientists already describe as "hanging on by a thread") will finally sink into the Atlantic Ocean.

When this happens – give me one good reason why it wouldn't be in 2146 – the force of the rest of the world shrugging apathetically at the same time will cause massive earthquakes. These will damage the earth's tectonic plates and cause the seven continents to merge into one Pangea-like landmass. The United States of America will immediately attempt to name this new continent "The United States of America."
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-01-16 10:40:37 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 22 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />