Dave: Hey, neighbor, can I ask you something?

Bill: City hall. Rain cloud. Dollar sign.

Dave: Um, yeah. Listen, I really need a friend. My boss says I can't get promoted until I get one and learn something about cooking. Life in politics is not what I imagined.

Bill: Soccer ball. Earth. Ghost!

Dave: Uh...huh.

Bill: I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!

Pause.

Dave: So....you watch any sports or anything?

Bill: Backrub?

Dave: Um, no thanks. I only ask because my TV only gets four channels, and they all speak this non-sense jibberish language. It's so weird.

Bill: Backrub?

Dave: Uh, still no, thanks.

Bill: Tickle!

Dave: Haaaa...very funny. That was not at all awkward.

Bill: We're friends now.

Koopa Troopa, Goomba, Shy Guy and Bob-omb sit in a pub. 

Hey guys!

Troopa: How much longer they got you walking between those two pipes?

Goomba: Two more weeks on the job, then I'm retired. I can't wait to see my kids again.

King Koopa enters.

King Koopa: Hey guys!

Everyone: Hey, King Koopa! 

King Koopa: Ha, yeah, about that actually. You guys can just call me Bowser now.

Everyone looks confused.

Goomba: Bowser? What's Bowser?

King Koopa: It's my new nickname. You know, I'm a big turtle dinosaur, and everyone bows before me. I am the Bow-saur! Or Bowser, cause that's easier to say.

Goomba: That's retarded.

King Koopa crushes Goomba.

Troopa: Oh my god! Well, I definitely think it's cool!

King Koopa: Thanks! I knew I could count on you guys. So it's settled, I'm Bowser from now on.

Shy Guy: I don't know. What was wrong with just being King Koopa?

King Koopa: Uh, well... it's just that "King Koopa" was my father's name. And his father's, and his father's before that. That's kind of how monarchy works, you know? I figured it was time for a change.

Bob-omb: So this has nothing to do with the fact that someone spray-painted "King Poopa" all over your castle last week?

Xbox: Oh, hi Sega. I'm just feeling down because Wii has sold like a billion units lately.

Sega: That goddam Nintendo. Did I ever tell you how I had the first CD drive?

Xbox: Yes, like a million times.

Sega: Well, I did and it was marvelous, really revolutionary - it was years ahead of its time.

Xbox: I'm sure it was. But it just sucks because these days everybody wants to excercise while they play video games.

Sega: That's a bunch of mularky. Video games weren't meant to be excercise. In my day if kids wanted to excercise they had to turn us off and go outside, and none of this hard drive bullshit - no there weren't even memory cards - they were lucky if we gave them a save code ...

Xbox: Yeah ok, but anyway like I was saying, the real problem is the nunchuk controller. I can't compete with that.

Sega: Those goddam Jap consoles and their slanty controllers. There's too many damn buttons today as it is.

Xbox: Uh, didn't the Saturn ...

Sega: The layout allowed for it.

Xbox: What about Dreamcast...

Sega: THE LAYOUT ALLOWED FOR IT.

There was a time when videogames were pretty controversial, with every news show saying that playing a game of Pokemon would turn you from an innocent, doe-eyed youth into a violent, doe-eyed killing machine. But somehow the Mario games never seemed to be too controversial, even though they managed to get some pretty messed-up messages subtly communicated to kids across the world. Maybe we should think twice before letting children play with fat, stereotypically-depicted plumbers who spend all day killing turtles...

The Mario franchise really hates Italians. Besides Mario and Luigi being portly stereotypical Italian plumbers (whose last names are Mario), the first enemy you encounter in the game is a "goomba." Very few game feature straight up racial slurs and get away with it. There are two possibilities: either the Japanese are still pissed that Italy totally bailed on them early in World War II, or whoever translated Super Mario Bros. into English had a really bad experience at the Olive Garden.

After; I waited in line for about 5 hours for the ride, "Death Jump." Here's where things got weird. Installers removed a critical piece of the track without stopping the ride, so the next train that went flew off the track and exploded in mid-air.

Death Count: 20