Cute College Girls

A bit about Jessica...

Explain the different forms of to, two and too all in the same sentence:

If I were to eat two pizzas, I would probably die and my lactose-intolerant friend would die too.

Have you ever voted for President? For American Idol?

I have indeed voted for President, and it was pretty sweet, except my dude didn't win, but oh well. I have never voted for American Idol because American Idol is gay as hell. I prefer more amazing shows that enrich my mind like South Park, Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job and Pardon The Interruption. I love role play, it always cracks me up. I also love Mike and Mike in the Morning, because I can never have too many sports.

What is your dumper/dumpee ratio?

Actually, most of my relationships ended mutually, but I would have to say that I've been the dumper the majority of the time when it's had to end that way. Especially when a guy cheated on me with another dude and posted pictures of it on the internet and someone sent me the link. No, I never had sex with him, thank god. But I think the only guy ever to break up with me was my first boyfriend ever... for some stupid reason I can't recall.

What is your favorite online video?

I have too many. Far too many, because I love YouTube and CollegeHumor videos. Some particular ones worthy of mentioning are definitely the PicnicFace videos, the Vodka Movie series by Zach Galifinakis with Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim, and Gellieman's Aicha. I also particularly enjoy farting videos, blooper videos and sport videos, in particular football highlights.

Describe your ideal Sunday morning.

Sleeping in and not doing SHIT. Watching NFL Pregame and enjoying some football. I would also love to not take a shower until I wanted to, and just sit in my pajamas all day. I swear I'm not nasty but sometimes it's nice not to do jack shit all, day, long. Maybe a little afternoon delight, but that's not morning, is it?

Favorite Smell:

Home Depot. I'm totally serious. I would walk in there just to smell it if I could, but that would be a bit odd, wouldn't it? My favorite smell kind of got ruined for me though, because my ex worked there. But fuck it, that place smells awesome.

What would you say your secret talent is? Everyone has one. Just think.

I'm really fucking amazing at Diabolo, which is a chinese yo-yo basically. Ever seen those little Chinese girls flipping around that hour-glass-shaped thing? Yeah, that could've been me, except less Chinese.

What's your biggest fear that isn't something boring like spiders?

I have two fears that are incredibly ridiculous and cannot be explained in any way why they scare me. For one, I'm terrified of Movie Credits. Any movie credits, it doesn't matter if it's The Exorcist or fucking Finding Nemo. I hate them all. I always have to leave the room, or stop it right away. All those scenes at the end of the movies after the credits? Fuck that, I wait until it comes out on DVD and just chapter select that hoe. Another incredibly ridiculous fear that I have is the fear that while I'm swimming in the water, a plane is going to crash into the water and kill me. If a plane flies overhead while I'm in the water, I always calmly stare that plane down and make sure it stays in flight as it passes over me. I know both of these fears are stupid as hell but I have them.

Write an excerpt from your middle school diary.

"Dear Diary, I was in Hot Topic today and I bought some awesome slipknot and mudvayne band tees. But I swear I kept getting stared at. Why does everyone think I am such a freak? I'm a weirdo, I hate myself. I'm going to go play some DDR and then cut myself. I want to diiiiie"

What’s worse on a guy, yellow teeth or BO?

To be honest, I really couldn't give a shit. If you have BO, get some deodorant, and if you refuse to wear it, I'll put it on you when you sleep. If you have yellow teeth, brush them or get a tan! But seriously, people are the way they are, and can't really change them, and I could care less if you stink or have slightly off teeth. Nobody is perfect. So rock that BO and those Yellow Teeth, boys!