Would you rather have you back rubbed or your hair played with?
I would rather have my back scratched and my hair pulled.
Do you fart?
Girls don't fart.
What is your favorite kind of gum and why do all girls fall for dick heads?
Zebra Stripe, the 30 seconds of flavor are the best 30 seconds of my day... and the temporary tattoos aren’t too bad either. Girls love a charity case. It's like having your own personal fixer-upper.
What would be your favorite part about being a guy if you were one?
I would love to smell bad and have it be socially acceptable.
What're you wearing right now, baby?
You know those things you put on your thumbs to turn the pages faster? Just those.
Have you ever been fired from a job?
Never. I work for Budweiser and I am paid to drink. I’m great at what I do.
Have you ever hooked up with someone you met on the internet?
I'm going on a date with someone who facebook creeped me tomorrow. Scary, so if I never come back ya'll know what happened.
What was your favorite episode of Home Improvement? You can't say all of them.
The one where there is a snake in the wall and it goes down Tim the Toolman's shirt. I know what time it is. Tool Time.
The moon is beautiful, right? Would you sacrifice your favorite pet to save the moon?
Hell no. My cat, appropriately named Fat Shit Cat, is way cooler than the moon.
What's your favorite Eleanor Roosevelt quotation?
America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, bad-ass speed. Eleanor Roosevelt, 1936.
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