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How to Heckle

by Jeff Rosenberg 1 hour ago
Heckling, much like stand-up comedy, is an artform all on its own and it takes practice and perserverance to truly perfect it. Say the stand-up "comedian" starts off his set and he's killing. Absolutely slaughtering the crowd. Now your friends have always told you that you're a freaking riot. Especially when you're drunk... so let's get you really drunk.

Now that you're on the road to blacking out you've begun to realize that you're no longer afraid of making an ass of yourself in front of a crowd of complete strangers. You're already well on your way to making this a memorable show for all parties involved.

Here's what you do now. Sometimes comedians will tell long drawn out stories, pulling the audience in and really building up the tension to be released, then right before they tell the side-splitting punch line, during that very brief but intense silence, you yell "WHERE'S THE PUNCHLINE GUY?" and now you've single-handedly ruined the fun and relaxing atmosphere of a comedy show.  KEEP READING


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CollegeHumor Quiz

Was Your Roommate Trying To Kill You?

by Kevin Corrigan 3 hours ago


Another school year has come to an end. You made it. After all the long hours of studying, the new friends and new memories, one question still remains. Was your roommate secretly trying to kill you? Answer these six simple questions and find out!

Did you ever do anything that might give your roommate a reason to kill you?
No. We were best buds. We even shared underwear (0 points)
I left a lot of hair in the drain and was kind of a slob (1 point)
I was generally pretty loud at night when he was trying to sleep or study (2 points)
I may have hooked up with his girlfriend once or a lot (3 points)

How bad did he want a single room?
He'd never live alone, he liked attention too much (0 points)
We got along great but I'm sure he would've appreciated the extra space and privacy (1 point)
As much as any normal college student (2 points)
He always said I was holding him back, and started most sentences with "If I lived in a single..." (3 points)

  KEEP READING


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Big Ups, Jason Michaels

by CH Staff 4 hours ago
While we had a ton of great applicants for the Virgin Mobile endowded summer Internship, we had to pick one. And that one is Mr. Jason Michaels. You may remember Jason from any of the dozens of hysterical articles he's written for the site or from his avatar, which has been a hotly debated topic in the CH comments. Either way, Jason will be joining the CollegeHumor staff this summer and, along with a $5,000 stipend, he scored himself a Virgin Mobile Wild Card handset along with $150 of Virgin Mobile Top-Up cards to be used for airtime for the phone. Boo Yah.

Thanks to everyone who applied and, believe us, there were plenty of quality applicants. If we had it our way, we'd hire everyone but that is just too many Virgin Mobile Wild Card handsets to give away.

Congrats, Jason!

PS. This coffee isn't going to heat itself up...
 


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Cute College Girl

Brittany Diana


Now that our Hottest College Girl contest is over let's get back to the real deal with these cuties from across the country.



Check out more pictures of Brittany and the interview here.

Just because school's over doesn't mean you don't have to apply. It just means you can send in cute pictures of yourself in bikinis now, so apply here!
 


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Straight Cash Homey

CH Sports Weekly: Opting in to the NFL's Collective Bargaining Agreement!

by Amir and Ethan yesterday


Ethan: DEE-TROIT BASKETBALL. (You'd better agree, or Rip Hamilton will elbow you in the mouth.)

What's more insulting, Ray? That you suck, or that the Celtics are winning anyway?
Amir: Another barnburner last night. Celtics are looking like theyre going to be the worst team to make the NBA Finals since... The '99 Knicks?

Ethan: Hey, don't talk about Grandmama like that. That team had Charlie Ward and Dennis Scott. 3-D, baby! You already think the Celtics are really going to make the Finals? The Pistons can't steal a game in Boston?

Amir: The Pistons look they're even boring themselves at this point. How can you be a real fan of this team? Flip Saunders even turned to one of his assistants in the third quarter and asked "Is there anything else on?"

Ethan: I'm not a fan of the Pistons; they bore me, too. But the Celtics aren't exactly a thrill a minute, either. That Cleveland series was unwatchable until Game Seven. Even LeBron seemed to know it; he compared himself to Dominique Wilkins after the series ended. Shouldn't you compare yourself to someone who won a title? There's only limited glory in being the Tom Chambers of your generation.

Amir: The Human Highlight film didn't need to win a title. Who needs rings when you can windmill dunk during a game! Greatest Clipper ever!

Ethan: Did you know Kevin Garnett has a month-old baby? I hope he's super-intense when it comes to fatherhood, dusting baby powder on his hands and then clapping to make a dusty cloud in the baby's face.

Amir: I did not know that. I hope he feeds it by swallowing food, then pounding his chest, yelling until the meal gets regurgitated. Who do you think is favored to win it all, now that we're down to the final four?

  KEEP READING


See More:  sports   straight cash homey  
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Jim Peterson's Right Hand Has Something To Say

by Andrew Bridgman yesterday
Read the previous article


Jim, I really think we should talk. Please stop that for a second! You don't need to ask any more questions to Professor Taber, honestly. Class is supposed to get out in three minutes and no one else is raising their hands. No one. And you understand everything perfectly, I know. How do I know? Jim, you've used me to write down literally every single word that has been spoken in class. These notes are beyond extensive...you even took notes when that chick sitting next to you coughed "LOSER!" when you raised your hand for the eighth time after class had been going for only 10 minutes. Just put me down for a second so we can talk.

I'm tired, Jim. Really tired. You raise me up at least 15 times per class every day, and you take, like, at least 21 credit hours. Who are you trying to impress anyway? Even the professors are sick of you. And meanwhile, I'm falling asleep because no blood is getting to me. Ever hear of gravity, Jim? DO NOT RAISE YOUR HAND! Jesus Christ, man. I'm your hand. I'm not going to call on you when I ask you a rhetorical question. I mean...seriously?

  KEEP READING


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A Field Guide to Summer Jobs

by Steve Ethridge yesterday

House Painting: It's a pity job. You're pitied more than an armless kid in an Easter egg hunt. No one hires college painters and doesn't expect do redo all the trimmings the following day. Only mothers who have kids in college will ever hire you, because let's face it, you don't care enough to do a good job. But the pay is great--too bad you're too worn out to spend it.

Dad's Office: "Yeah, I was going to work somewhere else, but my Dad got me a job in his office doing some administrative work." What this really means: "So my Dad hired this really nice single mother who couldn't afford to feed her kids, and she was doing a great job, but then he realized I didn't have a summer job so he fired her and put her family out on the street. Realistically, I won't do anything but fetch coffee and ward off seductive glares from Wanda, the buzzardly, post-menopausal accountant with more excess skin than Hurley from Lost after a week in the sauna."

  KEEP READING


See More:  jobs   lists   summer  
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AmazingSuperPowers: Flying

by AmazingSuperPowers yesterday
 


Comments (57)   Facebook

105% Percent

Issue #58

by 105%-o-matic yesterday


Made from 100% materials.

Time heals all wounds . . . except amputations.
-Aaron Thielking
Nice to Chant at Re-Election Party, Mean to Yell at Birthday Party
"Four more years!"
-Patrick Cassels
Real Movie Titles That Would Probably Make For Terrible Pornos
- James and the Giant Peach
- The Fast and the Furious
- Exit Wounds
-Conor McKeon
My friend grew up Asian, so he says that's why he isn't into Asian girls. I think that makes a lot of sense, because I grew up fat...
-Josh Heller
Do you think it's rude for deaf people to talk with food in there hands?
-Danny C
Rich or Alzheimer's?
- You know, I can't remember the last time I spent less than 50 dollars on a meal? That includes breakfast.
- Does public transportation even exist anymore?
- Are you my wife?
-Amir Blumenfeld
If I was a ref at a Harlem Globetrotters game, I would call them for traveling, then throw them out if they argued, then steal some kid's popcorn.
-Kurtis Mitchell
Blind Date Revealed
"Ok, so I lied. In all honesty, I prefer moderately lengthed walks on the beach. So we're gonna have to turn around and walk back well before I get tired."
-Matt Vita
Click here to submit your own 105%.
 


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