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If 21st Century Girls Had 17th Century Standards

by David Siegel 11 hours ago

Tricia and Kara, two extremely hot girls, are laying out in the quad.

Tricia: Oh my god, Kara, take a look at Henry Popper over there laying on the bench.

Kara: Wow. Look at that healthy, full gut. He must be like, totally well fed and wealthy.

Tricia: Seriously. He must get to eat rich, dairy-based foods and meats, like, all the time.

Kara: Compared to Biff Ryland over there playing Frisbee, all sinewy and shirtless.

Tricia: Effing gross. Look at those abs and well-defined delts. Uhh, can you spell "field laborer?"

Kara: Haha, you're such a bitch, Tricia.

Tricia: It's true! Ew, and that bronze tan? Girl I want a man that owns the land, NOT works on it.

Kara: Ew, Biff even has that "cut V" thing going on near his crotch.

Tricia: Sheesh, why doesn't he just wear a sign that says, "I don't get to eat figgy pudding with gravy very often."  KEEP READING


See More:  conversations   history   sex  
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Home Plate

If My Boyfriend's Penis Was A Motivational Speaker

by Mindy Raf 12 hours ago



My BF's Penis: Hello boys. Thank you all for being here today. By a raise of shafts who here is new? Okay, good! Welcome. And how many 3-6 month relationshipers do we have with us? Good! Keep at it, it's good you're here now. And what about a year or more...? Great. Kudos to you all.

Okay, first off, I know what you're all going through. I'm going on two years and three months. Some days are awesome and others, man, it's an uphill battle. But you gotta keep your eye on the PRIZE. You gotta FOCUS.

Have her techniques and tricks gotten old? YES! Have her choke holds and thrusts become more and more predictable? HELL YES! But here's the thing fellas: he loves her and he's not going anywhere, so we have to keep on keeping on!
  KEEP READING


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Roommate Confessions

Issue 25

by Jeff Rosenberg 14 hours ago


It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been alot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out thetop 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to RoommateConfessions@GMail.com.

Freshman year, that creepy guy at the crosswalk gave us both a miniature bible. You threw yours away and somebody made a joke about you going to hell for throwing away a Bible. When you weren't looking I took the bible out of the garbage and hid it in your sock drawer. Then when you asked me two weeks later whether or not you had thrown it away, I just said "I thought so." Then I took it out of the garbage again and hid it in your closet drawer. When you found it and freaked out, I played it cool. I knew you were suspicious of me, so I looked for it for a few days before I found it in your porn stash(which was well hidden, by the way). Then I checked every day until the bible was gone (you must have thrown it away in the dumpster.) then I put my identical bible in your drawer. Then when you were really scared and told me what was going on, I was a total dick and said you should probably tell your priest. I'm really sorry, I didnt think you'd actually tell your priest that you hid a bible with a bunch of porn.
Andy, USD

We have a super annoying roommate. Basically everything she does makes us want to slap her. She goes home to visit her mommy every weekend so we throw parties when she's out of town and let anyone who wants to have sex on her bed. It usually happens a few times every weekend. What's worse is we've never seen her wash her sheets.
Kendall, UIC   KEEP READING


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Senior Citizen Video Games

by Thomas Murray 15 hours ago

Due to recent record profits in the video game market, many video game companies have decided to try and profit from the single largest demographic: Baby boomers. Fortunately, I was able to get a hand on some of those video games. Here's a first look:

  KEEP READING


See More:  videogames   old people  
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CollegeHumor Quiz

Are You Going To Have A Gr-8 Summer?

by Kevin Corrigan 17 hours ago


Schools out! Are the next three months going to be nothing but pool parties and pizza, or will they suck? Just answer these six simple questions to find out!

Are your parents going on vacation and leaving you home sans babysitter at any point?
Nope (0 points)
Maybe for a night here and there (1 point)
They'll be gone for a whole weekend at some point (2 points)
I have the house all to myself this July (3 points)

If yes, are you going to have a party?
I didn't say yes (0 points)
No, I'm going to respect their wishes (0 points)
Yes. Party at my place. Be there or be square (3 points)

  KEEP READING


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We Have A Winner!

by CH Staff yesterday

Alison isn't the only one taking home some money. Our Fantasy Bracket Winner this year is Jose Silva-Rivas. For being able to most accurately choose which girls were the most attractive we're giving Jose 1,000 dollars and a date with the winner, Alison.

Okay, wait. Alison said no. But that's still cool, with 1,000 bucks you can probably figure something else out.
 


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Don't Forget.

by Jake Hurwitz yesterday
THIS IS HAPPENING.


You have no excuse. If you haven't voted for the final round in America's Hottest College Girl by the end of the day we are deleting your account.
  KEEP READING


Comments (225)   Facebook

Diet Dew You Remember That Contest?

by CH Staff yesterday
Here is our second (and final) attempt to win $10,000 from Diet Mountain Dew (one of our sponsors) by creating the best ad for their Surprising Facts campaign. We can't win the money because they sponsor us, but you can. All you need to do is find a surprising (and true) fact and make a commercial for it. Simple as that. For the complete rules and example videos check out SurprisingFacts.com.

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor
 


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Straight Cash Homey

CH Sports Weekly: We Can't Win on the Road Either

by Amir and Ethan yesterday


ETHAN: Justine Henin is retiring? Annika Sorenstam is retiring? I swear to God, if Sue Bird is next, I'm going to stop watching women's sports altogether.

AMIR: Don't even joke. Don't even joke.

"Keep pushing! I can see the head!!!"
ETHAN: I'm just sad for poor Danica Patrick. She missed her chance to go out on top. Did last night prove what I've been telling you for years: "Don't ever trust a guarantee from Jameer Nelson?"

AMIR:I only trust Guaran-sheeds, you know that. How much trash do you have to talk for Rasheed Wallace to want to take the moral high road?

ETHAN: That white patch of hair has never looked so dignified. I sort of liked that Nelson was making the guarantee when he was obviously on the worse team. That takes balls, and I hope the Nationals follow suit and make a World Series guarantee.

AMIR: I'll guarantee they WON'T be there. Does that count?

ETHAN: This makes six straight East finals for the Pistons. Dynasty alert?

AMIR: Let me put "six years" in perspective the first year the Pistons made the conference finals (2002-2003) they got swept by the Nets and Danny Manning was on their team.

ETHAN: Yeah, I know, the Pistons are THAT good. No shame in losing to the 2003 Nets, though. That team had Lucious Harris, Kerry Kittles, and Brian Scalabrine. You can't help it when you run into a buzzsaw like that. Why won't anyone give Detroit any love? Is it because they're kind of boring?

  KEEP READING


See More:  straight cash homey   sports  
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